


Masks

by multi_fandom_help_me



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abbadon, Abuse, Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bullying, Drunk John Winchester, Fluff, High School, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester Being an Asshole, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:54:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 48,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27629867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multi_fandom_help_me/pseuds/multi_fandom_help_me
Summary: Destiel high school AUDean Winchester and Castiel Novak, both new and both quick to become jocks. Dean wears a mask every day to hide what he's really feeling and as his best friend, Cas just wants to help him.But when they become social outcasts together, will it blossom into something more?Will they survive the unfortunate events that are thrown at them?(I'm awful at descriptions but hey, give it a try for me? 😜)
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Jimmy Novak/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	1. The First Meeting

** Deans POV **

I reach over to tie my shoelaces and hear Sammy's groan of annoyance from next door. I grin, knowing exactly what my little brother was about to say.

"Dude, Asia? It's 6:30! I'm already up so turn your crappy music off!" I laugh at his disgruntled voice but turn the radio off nonetheless. I didn't want him to go to school frustrated, he needed to pay attention and get a good education.

My eyes wander aimlessly around the crappy motel room, noticing every stain and crack. It was pretty high standard to what we were used to, but I'm looking forward to being able to afford an apartment. My eyes flit over the fist shaped while in the wall quickly, avoiding the memories of last night. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it could have turned out better. I knew my dad could be caring and even loving at times, but it also got pretty bad when something ticked him off. I had learnt quickly how to avoid bringing out that side of him, by being obedient and protecting Sammy.

I sigh, knowing today is going to be the same as every other day. Go to the new school, put on the popular guy mask, come home, put on the obedient son mask, go to bed and try to sleep. I frown at the thought of another wasted day but smile at the thought of Sammy at school.

We'd finally managed to convince Dad to stay in one place and let us finish school, well, I didn't want to finish school but I have to look good for my younger brother right? Besides, I didn't want hunting to be my life, demons, ghosts and crap wasn't what I wanted to do forever. I wanted to be a mechanic, with my own shop and a fancy degree in engineering.

I try to shake the ever growing feeling of hopelessness and heave myself off my bed, rubbing my face dejectedly. I sigh again and stretch, wincing a bit at the ache near my ribs. I would have to be careful at tryouts today. I weave my way around the junk littering our motel room and manage to reach the kitchen, which is the only clean thing about this place. I insisted upon a fully functional kitchen wherever we stayed so I could cook for Sammy and keep him healthy, even if I had to go without.

I pull out the ingredients for pancakes and notice our depleted stock of food that consisted of milk, butter and half a can of beer. I make a mental checklist of the things I need to do today.

1- get into the football team, stupid jocks

2- act like a convincing stupid jock

3- get a new job to pay for Sammy's new textbooks

4- find something in the fridge to cook for dinner or buy something

5- survive the horrors of being the new kid

My thoughts are interrupted by Sammy bounding into the kitchen with a huge grin stretching his face. My heart swelled with pride at my brother.

He sits down and starts to inhale his breakfast, I swear I've never seen a kid eat so much! But looking at how much he's started to grow it didn't surprise me.

I chuckled at syrup dripping down his chin and get up, ruffling his hair as I move to the door.  
I kick dads papers and bottles out of the way and ignore the feeling of guilt crushing my chest. I'm tough goddammit! I don't need to feel, I need to do my job!

I start to piece together today's personality and wander over to my car, running a hand along the body. Damn I loved this car, my baby, the beautiful '67 Chevy Impala, the one I'd built from scratch. I slide into the driver's seat and glance around, the clouds are starting to gather in a grey heap and the people moving into the mansion down the road are freaking out. I snort at their frantic movements and start the engine. Listen to her purr! Ithink to myself, grinning as Sammy clambers into the passenger seat, his growing limbs making it difficult to move coordinately.

"Come on Sammy, aren't you excited to make new friends!"

"Dean, it's Sam! Sammy is a chubby twelve-year-old! And yeah,we can keep these ones." I laugh at his bitch face and drive to school.

** Cas' POV **

Groaning inwardly I try not to fidget with my ripped jeans, the ladies at the front desk were routinely stamping their papers and tapping their manicured nails on the desk.

I try to avoid staring at their souls and instead try to focus on their faces. That was my angelic ability, seeing the souls of others. The downside of it was, well...it made it hard to see their faces sometimes. I was able to control it mostly, but when I'm nervous it shows up again.

"Novak's?" A petite voice asks. I glance at the person speaking and stand up, following my brother, Gabriel. I notice how the woman's heels rub a bit at the back and her blazer is perfectly fitted to her torso. She weaves her way into a pristine white office and waves a hand at the chairs in front of her desk, taking a seat in her comfy chair.

"Hello, My name is Bela Talbot. I'm the principal here. So today you and the other new boys will be getting shown around the school together. I'm meeting all of you to discuss a few simple rules-" her English accent is cut off by the door being slowly opened. She smiles lightly and gestures for the people to come in. The first boy swaggers in and I resist the urge to cover my eyes. His soul is so bright and just...pure. I look away and try to ignore his soul. I've never seen someone else like that, even the rest of my family, who were descended from angels. The boy who follows is slightly shorter and his soul isn't nearly as stunning.

I observe his face to get my ability under control, brown hair that hung around his ears and big brown puppy eyes, the colour of coffee beans.

He smiles shyly and shuffles his foot on the floor, I can tell he's nervous. I know how he feels, I'm feeling it as well. I take a breath and try to look at the other boy, avoiding his glowing soul and looking at his face.

Damn, he was perfect. Full lips and candy apple green eyes, a couple of inches taller than me I reckon and really toned. But unfortunately he probably wasn't boyfriend material, he looked like a stereotypical jock.

He walks over and sticks his hand out, I shake it cautiously, trying not to wow at his soul and face. His hand is cold and calloused, which surprised me.

He grins and introduces himself.

"Hi, I'm Dean Winchester. Who are you?"

** Deans POV **

"Hi, I'm Dean Winchester. Who are you?" I ask, cringing internally at how awkward that sounded. I hadn't really ever talked to anyone outside of Dad and Sammy, and if I did it was an absolute necessity. This was weird, starting a conversation just for the fun of it, I liked it.

The wiry boy in front of me smiles and replies "Castiel Novak" I'm throw off by his voice, which is, woah. Like super deep.

Snap out of it Dean, you know what Dad would say! I grin at him and casually salute the principal. The idiotic jock role came too easily, I blame it on emotional constipation as Sammy would call it. She rolls her eyes and stands up, walking us out of the office. I automatically scan everything as we approach it and assess whether it's going to kill us or not. It's a habit I had to pick up after a few bad experiences and a lot of Dads persuasion. I feel a nudge at my ribs and winced, looking down at Sam's wide eyes.

"Crap, sorry Dean! I just meant to tell you to cut it out, we aren't going to die here you know." I roll my eyes and ruffle his hair, laughing at his bitch face. He was always so observant, which is why I wanted him to get a proper education and do something with his life, like be a lawyer. I glance back and notice Castiel staring weirdly at us, his head tilted to the side and eyes squinted slightly.

I grin at him and nod my head to whatever the principal was saying.

I hated school, shoving sweaty, hormonal teenagers into a stuffy building together for 6 hours a day was torture. I managed to use my ability to absorb information while completely zoning out. I look at the buildings and notice the old chairs and scratched desks. Basically, the school was trying to look impressive but the kids were the same as everywhere else, judgmental and arrogant. As Ms Talbot shows us around I watch the students start to file into the building, a few of the girls look me up and down and I give them a lazy grin, easily falling into the popular ass role. It's not that I'm not interested, just that I want a proper relationship this year, not a high school hook up.

I feel a gaze in the back of my head and glance around, noticing the boy's gaze on me.   
Only then do I notice his eyes, intensely blue. I stare at them for a minute before he glances away shyly. I notice the pink tinge across his cheeks and he suddenly glances back and offers me a small smile.

I do the only thing I know.

I grin back at him.

** Cas' POV **

The principal shows us around a bit more before turning back to us and smiling. I concentrate and see her soul is fiery, a little intimidating to be honest but I notice the kindness in her eyes.   
"Alright boys, I'll let you go around together for the day, you have your timetables and I think Castiel and Dean are in the same class, whereas Gabriel and Samuel are in the same class as well. Have fun boys, and if you have any questions let me know!" She waves slyly and saunters off into her office again. She was probably busy but she could've walked us to homeroom rather than just vaguely point and wish us luck.

Gabriel pulls a cherry lollipop out of his pocket and sticks it into his mouth, grinning at the younger boy. Knowing Gabe, he would probably annoy Samuel until they were best friends.  
"Come on Samuel, we got a class to get to." Gave winks at me and drapes an arm on top of Samuel's shoulder, almost having to stand on his tiptoes to reach the shaggy boy.

Samuel groans with a grin and replies with a gruff "It's Sam! Samuel makes me sound like a grandpa!" Gabe laughs and drags Sam away to their first class,those two might get along.   
I glance over at Dean and see his look of pride on his face, for a second his soul, shone so brightly. It did that whenever he looked at Sam, it made me jealous. I mean, my home life was great but no one looked at me with that pride, ever.

I blink and offer another small smile.

"So I guess we're going to class together?" He nods and shoves his hands into his leather jacket pocket. He walks ahead a little and I notice his slight limp and tight breathing, he's probably been in a fight. I shrug and rush forwards to catch up to him, noticing how his eyes sparkled when he grinned.

"So...Cas, where are you from?" He asks curiously, giving another obnoxious grin. His smile was intoxicating, I wanted to be his friend when he did that.

"I'm from New York actually, my dad wanted a break from the city so we moved up here. What about you?" He pauses for a second before answering,

"I'm from all around really, my dad travels a lot for work." He replies abruptly and frowns a little. We walk in silence the rest of the way to class and we go to head into homeroom when he spins around and stops. I run into his chest, hitting my forehead on his teeth.

He stumbles back a bit, his eyes wide and grips my shoulders to stop me from falling.  
Come on Castiel, get a grip. He's only one human...granted incredibly hot human...  
Dean shuffles his feet nervously and rubs the back of his neck slightly, he's obviously uncomfortable so instead I look around the lockers lining the hall.

Ms Talbot said our homeroom teachers would assign our lockers and tour guides for the day. I mentally map my surroundings, a habit I find helps me concentrate. The floors are a grey blue and covered in marks, the walls are a faded cream and the lockers are faded blue. Outside looks nice, green grass and a small forest bordering the perimeter, a small pond reflecting the grey of the sky and benches everywhere. I start to fiddle with my black hoodie and wonder if I would miss the city and my old school. I hear Dean clear his throat and I focus my gaze back on him. He grins and opens the door, bowing dramatically at me.

"Well, Cas lets go start our day."


	2. Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Alright kids, enough talkin'. Everyone this is Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak, new students to our class this year. All of you better make them feel welcome, Benny, get your behind up here, you're their guide for today." Mr. Singer sits down as a boy walks up to us with a smirk on his face. I glance at Dean and notice how his soul was dimmer now. He grins at Benny and shakes his hand, this confuses me. His soul is sad but his face is happy, people are weird.

** Cas' POV **

I walk into class shyly and duck my head at the attention. I feel Dean walk in behind me and I turn slightly, allowing him to walk ahead and talk to the teacher for us. I still didn't like talking to new people that much, I'd only ever been to one other school and only ever hung out with that friend group.

Dean's soul dims for a second as he begins to talk to our teacher. He smiles and the teacher stands up, his balding hair covered by a baseball cap.

"Alright kids, enough talkin'. Everyone this is Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak, new students to our class this year. All of you better make them feel welcome, Benny, get your behind up here, you're their guide for today." Mr. Singer sits down as a boy walks up to us with a smirk on his face. I glance at Dean and notice how his soul was dimmer now. He grins at Benny and shakes his hand, this confuses me. His soul is sad but his face is happy, people are weird.

"Evening brother the names Benny" I smile at him offer my hand in return, noticing his football jersey and athletic build, I'm guessing he was a jock. I introduce myself and Benny grins at both of us.

"Either if you play football? We're holding tryouts after school and we're looking for two newbies." I smile, remembering my old school's football team.

"Yeah." Dean and I chorus together, giving each other surprised looks, I felt a swell of happiness looking at him. I feel drawn to his soul, I can't explain it.

Benny claps us in the shoulder and begins to talk about the school. He describes the groups and stereotypes, who to avoid and who to talk to. I take careful note of who to avoid, a couple of kids called Azazel, Alastair, and Crowley. I could handle myself in a fight but I preferred to avoid them, I didn't want to hurt anyone.

The home room bell rings and I walk with Benny and Dean, joining in on their jokes. Benny high fives us and runs off to greet the team. I hope that we'll be able to join the jocks and hang out with them, but I have a feeling that I'd follow Dean wherever he went.

Dean turns to face me, looking guilty. I try to ignore the way he bites his lip by looking around, I notice the students rushing to their next class. I grip deans shoulder and tug him towards our classroom so we won't be late. He smiles and talks to me on the way, Benny had his class in another room so we're meeting him later.

"Look, Cas, sorry about what I said earlier, it's just a touchy subject" he grins and we walk into the classroom, my mind twirling at the though if his dads work being touchy.

We manage to find two seats at the back of the classroom and Dean sits just in front of me, giving me perfect view at the back of his head.

I sigh and think about Football to myself, my face softening at the idea of being able to play the game. It helped get my mind off my social anxiety.

** Deans POV **

We walk into class and I try not to think about the beautiful blue eye boy behind me. I shake my head at the thought. Come on dean he's probably doesn't swing your way anyway, just try out for football and then go home. I stop my inner monologue and try to concentrate on class. Which was going to be difficult with Cas behind me. Dammit!

I focus on the information our history teacher, Mr. Cain, was giving us about World War Two. He begins to talk about the Nazis and then starts explaining the newest assignment.

"Alright, everyone you're going to choose partners and you're going to draw a propaganda poster based on a quote from Adolf Hitler. You can begin brainstorming now." I smirk slightly at the classes groan and turn around to face Castiel, ignoring the ache in my ribs from the movement. I wanted to get to know the mysterious bot that had butterflies in my stomach from the moment I saw him.

I notice his light smile and I grin waving a hand in front of his face, causing him to snap his eyes to my face quickly. He relaxes and then offers a small smile at me.

"Wanna work together Cas?" I ask, grinning like crazy. I crossed my fingers under the desk, feeling like a 13-year-old girl with her first crush.

"Sure, but only if when we meet outside of school, it's with milkshakes involved." He replies with a grin. The breath leaves my lungs and I find myself nodding, his grin was irresistible. I flush a little after a realize what he said. Was Castiel Novak flirting with me?

I swing my chair around and lean over him to point at his notes. I notice him stiffen and I glance up at his red face, this was going to be so much fun.

After class, we walk out laughing. I gasp for air and grab my stomach.

"Dammit Cas, stop making me laugh! My stomach hurts!" He just grins in reply and nudges me with his shoulder, racing ahead to high five Benny, who was waiting outside our class. I grimace at the pain that lances through my ribs at his touch but shake it off, joining Castiel and Benny as we head to our next class. This making friends thing was fun.

I smile to myself, this is a good first day so far.

(Time skip: Lunch time)

I was enjoying spending time with Cas. Normally I would avoid social confrontations and never really make friends because we'd only move two weeks later. But this school was different, Dad had said so, we we're staying while he hunted by himself. So I was determined to make friends for the first time.

I nudged Cas' shoulder with my own and nodded towards Benny, who was waving at us frantically. We grinned and walked over to him together, I still had a balloon of happiness in my chest from laughing with Cas. Benny walks us over to the jocks table and begins to introduce everyone to us.

"Alright team, here are the newbies that are trying out for the team tomorrow, Dean and Castiel. Boys, meet the team: Crowley, Azazel, Alistair, Garth, Adam, Samandriel, Tom, Harvey, and Ben."

The team waved at us and we sat down with them, I found myself enjoying the company and genuinely laughing with them.

Having friends felt good.

(Time Skip: After School)

 **A/N: I know nothing about football in America so just ignore my lack of knowledge and go with it.**

** Deans POV **

Goddamn, Cas was good at football.

After school, the team headed to the football oval and tryouts began. Only one other kid showed up for tryouts and he was there because his mom wanted him to be more social. I laughed with Cas as we got ready and found out a bit more about him.

He wanted to be a doctor and save lives, he has a cat called Bee, his father is a bestselling author, he has three siblings: Anna, Gabriel, and Lucifer but his cousins all live close by as well. He was the defense for football and loved to draw.

With each word I found myself being drawn in by his voice and his eyes, not that I would admit that to anyone, ever. We headed over to Benny and he talked about the practice drills we'd be doing and I struggled not to wince at the amount of pain I would be in tomorrow. I trudged over to the drill station with Cas and Azazel was getting us to practice taking a tackle. I knew how to take a tackle but today would not be fun on my ribs, I inhale sharply and tell myself to harden up. The biggest guy on the team, Crowley straightened his shirt and grinned at us, Cas sighed and moved around us to take Crowley's first run.

I watched as he bent his knees and held his arms out slightly, I was eager to see what the boy could do. Crowley lunged at Cas and Cas grabbed him and threw him to the floor without changing his deadpan expression. My mouth dropped open slightly, Cas was a lot stronger than I originally thought and I was grateful that we would get him on the team.

Next up was the scrawny kid trying out, Crowley did the same thing and the poor kid went flying with Crowley landing on top.

I was last. I inhale through my nose and bend my knees slightly, leaning forwards preparing to catch Crowley. The boy stood in front of me and grinned, lunged towards me and braced my back and grabbed him by the shoulders. His elbow collided with my ribs and I almost cried out in pain, but I bit down on my tongue and instead swung Crowley downwards. I looked up slowly and saw Cas grinning at me, his eyes crinkling at the corners. I smile slightly, blushing a little, and offer my hand to Crowley to help him up. He smirks and grips my hand, allowing me to pull him to his feet.

"Well squirrel, better get that rib of yours fixed up before the game cause that's gonna sting in defense." I pale slightly at his statement before brushing it off and laughing, I thought I hid it well. Dad would blow a fuse if he found out.

"Already working on it." I wink at him and move to stand next to Cas, who was staring at me weirdly. I try to block out his look and focus on my breathing. Crap. My chest tightens and I try to control my breathing to stop the brief panic attack before it happens. Memories flash through my mind and I try my best to bottle it up and save it for when I'm alone.

** *flashback* **

"You're never home, Dad! Why can't you just let mum go and actually look after your kids for once! I just want you to stay home!" I rush through the front door at the sound of Sammy's distressed voice, still high pitched from youth. I yank open the door and drop my bag on the floor, practically sliding around the corner into the kitchen.

Dad is standing over Sammy with a beer bottle in his hand and Sammy is trying to keep his head up through the tears streaming down his face. Dad takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, rubbing his face.

"I'm sorry kiddo but you need to learn to take care of yourself. I do look after you, just differently from what most people would do." I feel a pang of jealousy in my chest because I know that if I spoke to dad like that I'd end up with a black eye. Sammy sniffles and notices me over dad's shoulder. His face contorts in anger and he shouts at dad

"Dean is more of a father than you are! He's the one who raised me!" I inhale sharply and gulp, my hands started to shake uncontrollably. For a fourteen year old I had practically raised Sammy, but the way he phrased it I knew I was gonna get my ass kicked. Dad stiffens at his words and slowly turns to face me and I knew what he saw. A blond boy starting to fill out his body, shaking like mad and deathly pale. He stalks over to me and grips my hair, pulling his face close to mine and growling

"So boy, think you can raise my son better than I can?" His voice is deathly quiet and smells like beer. When he's sober he's my father, caring and kind. But when he's drunk he becomes John, the harsh overbearing man that looks like my dad. I look past dads face at Sammy and choke out

"Go to your room Sammy, I'll tuck you in later." He nods quickly and scurries to his bedroom, his small legs stumbling in their haste. John pushes my head away quickly and it hits the wall with a dull thud that sends stars dancing across my brain. I slide to the floor as my legs buckle but he catches me before I hit the ground. He pulls his arm back and punches me over and over.

When he's satisfied he mumbles something about coming back in a week and stumbles out of the door.

** *end flashback* **

** Cas' POV **

I look over at Dean again and notice he's still gazing into the distance, pale as death. I'd lead him over to the car park already and he hadn't noticed that he was standing next to his car. I nudge his shoulder again and start to panic slightly when he doesn't respond, I look around for help but the car park is empty except for a teenage boy sitting cross-legged on the bench opposite us, reading a book.

I think about who to call when I remember Dean's little brother Sam. He would still be at school since Dean was driving him home, my head snaps up to look at the teenager on the bench and almost cry when I recognize the shaggy brown hair.

"Sam!" I call out "I need your help, somethings wrong with Dean." Sam's head whips up so fast it was a blur. I saw the brief look of pure terror before he dropped everything and ran across to his older brother. I worriedly look at Dean again and see he's shaking slightly and getting paler by the second. I grip his arm and gently tug him towards the ground, he sits down automatically, reminding me of a robot.I squat next to him and watch as Sam skids to a stop next to me. He pushes me out of the way, kneeling down in front of Dean. I let out a noise of protest as my body lands on the floor but decide against complaining, instead watching what Sams murmuring quietly to his brother.

"Hey, De. Come on, you gotta snap out of it okay? Just focus on my voice, yeah? Just listen to me and mimic my breathing." His voice is perfectly controlled and I wonder how many times he's said this to Dean. I scoot away a bit and take a deep breath, allowing my angelic ability to rise. I look at Sam first and see his soul burning in fear and worry, pulsing angrily out of concern for his older brother.

Then I look at Dean and my breath leaves my lungs.

His soul is twisted in fear and grief, pulsing in anxiety. It makes me want to curl into a ball and cry but also reach out and stop those feelings.

I just want to make it go away.


	3. Home Life and Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looked smaller with his shoulders hunched and a shy smile on his face rather than his usual grin. He shuffles over to me and rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, his eyes look into mine and I find myself losing myself in their flawless mix of greens and hazels. Sam clears his throat and we both glance down, blushing furiously. The things this ridiculous boy made me feel were unsettling and exciting.
> 
> He looks back up at me through his eyelashes and laughs. That's it. If he isn't gonna the first move then I will.

**Cas' POV**

How could I make it go away if I didn't know what was causing it? 

I felt a small tap on my shoulder and snapped out of my thoughts, instead focusing on Sams' face. He smiles slightly and offers his hand, I take it and he pulls me up and into a fierce hug, whispering into my ear

"Thank you, Castiel. I really appreciate it." He pulls back and I notice the small crease in between his eyebrows that made him appear older. I nod awkwardly at him and glance over his shoulder to the boy behind him, almost not recognising him without the confident demeanour he usually wore.

He looked smaller with his shoulders hunched and a shy smile on his face rather than his usual grin. He shuffles over to me and rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, his eyes look into mine and I find myself losing myself in their flawless mix of greens and hazels. Sam clears his throat and we both glance down, blushing furiously. The things this ridiculous boy made me feel were unsettling and exciting.

He looks back up at me through his eyelashes and laughs. That's it. If he isn't gonna the first move then I will.

"I was hoping to be smooth about this but I can't find a way to slip this seamlessly into the non-existent conversation so here it goes." I take a deep breath, my confidence fading fast. "Dean Winchester, here is my number. Please call me and we can catch up outside of school sometimes, not right now cause my dads waiting in the car but, sometime." I wink at Deans flushed face and offer Sam a small wave, which he returned with a bemused grin. 

I bounce over to my dad and slid into the car with a silly grin on my face. He scratches his beard and raises an eyebrow at me. 

"So your first day went well, I assume?" I nod vigorously and describe each class to him, finishing with an excited yell about making the football team with Dean Winchester. This was what I loved about my dad, you could to him about anything. I tap my fingers absentmindedly on the black dashboard and examine the scenery passing by my window but I can't help but compare the green trees to Deans' eyes.

** Deans POV **

I watch Cas walk off with an open mouth and wide eyes. I slowly swivel back to Sammy and see that he's biting his lip and staring intently at the ground, I slip Cas' number into my pocket and instead make my way over to my little brother.

I cant believe that I slipped up on my first day of school, and in front of my only friend. I shake off the feeling of failure and instead pull Sammy into a light hug which he returns with a passion. I stare over his shoulder and feel myself beginning to put my emotional walls back into place. Be strong for Sammy, don't feel and lock it up. I rub his shoulder soothingly and rest my chin on his head when he starts crying softly. 

I pull back and hold his shoulders, the older brother role clicking back into place easily.

"Hey, hey, look at me. Look. At. Me. It's okay, Sammy. See?" I gesture to myself briefly. "You don't have to worry, okay? I'm okay, you're okay and this school is awesome, right?" I say soothingly. He laughs and nods lightly, giving me the once over quickly. He nods to himself and jumps into the passenger seat of my baby.

The drive home is completely silent as I brood over my flashback. Occasionally I got panic attacks and couldn't pull myself from memories but normally I'm able to lock it up until I'm alone. I hated when I wasn't in control of myself and when Sammy had to see it happen, he's just a kid, he doesn't need to see me like that. 

I sigh and pull into the motel car park, barely putting my baby into park before Sam scrambles out of the car and rushes inside, claiming he was starving. I groan and rub my eyes, leaving baby's door open as I poke my head inside the door.

"You gonna be alright for a while, Sammy? I want to go for a drive." He shouts back a yes and I climb back into the car. I open the glove box as I drive around town and pull out my resume before pulling over outside a place called The Roadhouse. 

I tidy my hair and straighten my clothes before I walk in the front door and head to one of the waitstaff. She was a petite thing, with wavy blonde hair and a cute smile. I grin at her and ask if there were any job openings. Same deal as every place I would be visiting today, I had to get as many jobs as I could to pay for Sammy, without him knowing of course. The girl smiles and runs off the get the manager, she soon returns with an older brunette.

"Hey sweetie, my names Ellen, I heard you're lookin' for work?" I nod politely and offer my hand, she shakes it firmly and begins a quick interview. I keep my mask up and try to be as convincing as I can, I really need this job. 

"Alright, well everything looks to be in order and we are looking for new waitstaff. You're hired sweetie, what hours would you prefer?" I grin at her and think a little. I still had school and football so,

"About 5 pm on weekdays and morning shift weekends?" She smiles and shakes my hand again.

"Done sweetie, be here tomorrow." I let out a breath of relief and drive to the next place, one down, three more to go.

* * * *

I collapse onto my bed when I get back, wincing again at the ache near my ribs. I close my eyes and hear shuffling outside my bedroom door, I recognised the sound of Sammy's old boots. 

"You can come in Sammy, it's okay." He shuffles in shyly with a bag wrapped in a towel, I frown at him as he walks over and softly asks me to take off my shirt. I smile warmly at him, he bought my a makeshift ice pack. I'm so lucky to have such a compassionate brother, he's gonna end up doing something great with his life.

I take off my shirt and groan, the pain from the movement sending spikes up my spine.

"Jesus, Dean. This looks pretty bad, are you sure no bones are broken?" I glance down at my black and purple midriff, prodding my ribs gently.

"Nah, Sammy. Nothing has been broken. Oh, before I forget, are you still okay being alone most nights?" I have to double check in case he wants me at home.

"Yeah, De, am I allowed to go to friends houses?" I ruffle his hair affectionately and push him towards to door, one day and already socialising.

"Of course, Sammy. Now get some sleep, we still have school tomorrow and I can take care of myself." He smiles and heads off to bed. I gently place the ice pack against my torso and let out a sigh of relief at the cool release it brings. I lay back on my bed and let my emotions out, remembering the rest of the memory.

_** *flashback* ** _

_I pull myself into a sitting position and whimper at the pain lancing throughout my body. The front door slams and I wince as the sound echoes around in my skull, banging away and starting a headache. I raise a shaking hand and touch my forehead, wincing when I come in contact with the sticky blood dripping down my face._

_I heave myself into a standing position and stumble down the hallway to the bathroom and try to lock the door behind me so Sammy doesn't see the damage. I lean against the sink and look at myself in the mirror. Two black eyes already blossoming, blood down one-half of my face, shallow cuts down my arms and blood pooling on my tee-shirt._

_I lift up my shirt and wince at the piece of beer bottle glass wedged into my shoulder, I hear the door creak open and reluctantly look back at Sammy. He's standing there with a first aid kit and a wet towel, a forlorn expression on his face._

_"De?" He whispers_

_"Yeah, Sammy?" I reply, my voice hoarse._

_"Why did Daddy hurt you?" He asks, his voice cracking. Sammy had never seen it before, I'd always kept it secret. Looking at his trembling lip, I pulling him into a hug._

_"He was mad, Sammy. Don't worry, it won't happen again, okay?" I wince at his tight grip and he pulls back, handing me the first aid with a sheepish look on his face._

_"Sorry De, I don't know how to fix you..." He trails off and I smile at the ten-year-old, but I just want to curl into a ball and cry._

_ ***end flashback*** _

So that's what I do tonight. Curl into a ball on my bed, and cry to myself. Because I can't let Sammy know, I can't let anyone know, this is my problem.

**Cas' POV (Back to after school)**

We pull up to our new house and I race up to my room. I dodge the cardboard boxes littering the brown carpet and race up the wooden stairs, calling out a quick hello to my siblings who all holler back loudly. I open my door and grin at my new bedroom, sure it was empty except for my bed and desk but I could make it work.

The next few hours were spent with me dancing and singing obnoxiously loud to my music while I set up my room. I moved my bed directly across from my door, directly under the window and pushed my desk to the left wall. The rest of the wall was covered in posters and there were books and art supplies thrown everywhere. I grin at my handwork and admire the view from my window, a fairly dirty street on which our house was the big mansion. There were a few dirty motel rooms down the road and a small grocery store on the corner.

I open my laptop up and decide to get to know the area a bit better. I found the nearby library which was a ten-minute drive, two nice looking diners which were called The Roadhouse and Jody Mills Diner, a few auto repair shops, three cafes, my school and about eight small convenience stores. I hear my dads voice from downstairs and wander into the makeshift dining room- aka a cardboard box and cushions. 

My siblings follow me and we eat pizza over Marvel movies and talk about our first days.

I could get used to living here. 

* * * *

"Byeeeeee! See ya after school!" I sing loudly the next morning as I walk out of the door and hop into the family car. I get to see Dean again today, that thought puts a smile on my face again. I hope we're friends cause I would love to be, I mean, anyone with a soul that pure is trustworthy. 

I drive to school and head over to my locker, giving the football team high fives on my way in. A lot of them were fake and rude, but I was part of the team so I didn't have to worry at all. I head over to science and place my textbooks on the table while I wait for Dean. My phone buzzes and I look at the text from the unknown number.

_Unknown: Hey Cas, its Dean :)_

I grin stupidly and insert his contact before texting him.

_Cas: Hey Dean, are you at school yet?_

_Dean: Yeah, I'm heading to the science room, you?_

_Cas: Already beat ya there :)_

_Dean: Damn!!! ;)_

Was that a winking face...it was!

_Cas: Hahaha, hurry up I'm bored!_

"Is that all I am to you? Entertainment?" A deep, teasing voice says from the door. I feel the butterflies erupt in my stomach and mentally shove them away.

"Yep." I reply, popping the 'p'. He grins and walks over to me, he was wearing the same thing as yesterday, worn jeans, black shirt and red plaid shirt with scuffed black boots. He looks really good. He laughs and plops his books down next to mine.

"Hows your new house going?" He asks.

"Great, I really like it here, you?" He shrugs and the teacher walks in. I frown at Deans attitude, he's not good at talking about himself, but that makes me even more determined to get to know him. I've only ever felt this way with a girl at my old school, April, and that did not end well at all. _Not helping brain!_ I mentally slap myself and instead focus on science.

We were studying different animal species and their scientific names, the teacher had let us choose pairs and given us an animal to study, it was fairly simple, two weird facts and its scientific family. I nudge Dean and grin at him, almost swooning when he does the same back. 

_Damn Cas, two days and you're already swooning? He's soo got you wrapped around his finger._ Dammit brain, shut up!

"So, Cas, we got clownfish." I give him an incredulous look, secretly happy because I did the same species last year.

"Great, so, did you know all clownfish are born male? And when the breeding female dies the breeding male becomes the breeding female?" I twirl my pen between my fingers and laugh out loud at his stunned face. He opens his mouth a few times and then just frowns at his hands, shaking his head and whispering 'what?' quietly to himself. I grin and wave my hand in front of his face,

"You wanna catch up after school today? Maybe get milkshakes and work on history?" He blushes slightly and nods slowly, milkshakes it is. I feel giddiness rise in my chest and I know I probably look like a grinning fool, oh well, this was Dean we were talking about.

I pull out my laptop and start it up, but when I type in my password I look over the top of my screen and see Dean sitting there awkwardly. He looks up and grins shyly at me, I grin back and tease him slightly

"This is why I only keep you for entertainment, you don't do any work!" I laugh playfully and he shuffles his feet across the floor, I stop instantly and tilt my head at him wonderingly. He clears his throat and raises an eyebrow

"I don't own a laptop so I kinda can't do" he gestures towards my laptop "that. Sorry man, I usually do my work at the library." He laughs and I try to join in genuinely but I can't help but observe his soul, quiet and reserved.


	4. Milkshakes and 21 Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I thought you said no inappropriate questions!" Dean says while flicking my hand, sending sparks down my arm. Keep your cool, Cas. It's only been a few days.
> 
> "I said you couldn't ask inappropriate questions, not me."

** Cas' POV **

That afternoon we stumble out of class laughing like maniacs. I massage my cheeks, which were sore from smiling and glance side-long to Dean who was doing the same thing. We both notice that we're mimicking each other and burst out laughing again.

"So Cas." Dean begins with a sly smile. "You wanna go get those milkshakes now? Sammy's going to a friends' house and we're not doing anything so....?" I grin at him and nod excitedly, elated with my new friend. We race to his car and manage to find the little cafe down the street that claims to have the best milkshakes in town.

We laugh our way inside and sit down in a private little booth at the back. A young girl walks up and we order our milkshakes. Blue Heaven for me and Death by Chocolate for Dean.

"So Cas, would you like to play 21 questions?" Dean asks, flashing his signature grin.

"Sure Dean, as long as you don't ask anything inappropriate." He just laughs and shakes his head.

"Okay, first question. Name all your siblings with one fact about each." He rests his head on his hands and stares into my eyes, stunning me for a second.

"Alright," I reply. "First off, there's Lucifer. Yes, he is named after the devil, no he is not completely evil. He has this slight obsession with mythology, particularly the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Then there's Anna. She is very self-righteous and slightly rebellious. She once wanted to defy our old school's principal so she blew all the lights in the school building. Then there's me. Then Gabriel. He absolutely loves candy and will play tricks on anyone and everyone he meets."

Dean just laughs and begins to answer his own question.

"I only have one, Sammy. He's really smart and is the most compassionate person you will ever meet." I smile softly at his proud expression and we thank the waitress as she drops off our milkshakes. It's my turn for a question.

"Fairly boring question but what is your favourite colour?" I twist the straw through the thick blue milkshake.

"Blue" he replies immediately, blushing slightly. He's kinda adorable when he blushes.

"Mine's green." like your eyes. I sigh and take another sip out of my milkshake, trying to avoid awkwardly staring at him.

"What's your biggest fear?" He leans back with a raised eyebrow. I chew my lip and contemplate my answer.

"It's a bit of a weird one but being defenceless. Like, not exactly knowing I can't defeat something but circumstances meaning I can't even try. Like being tied up or someone that needs help not letting me help. It scares and frustrates me." I glance down briefly before looking back up at Dean's surprised expression.

"Wow, that's deep. Mine's just heights." I burst out laughing and he soon follows.

"You. The infamous Dean Winchester. Are afraid of heights?" I snort loudly and begin cackling again. He rolls his eyes while trying to control his laughter.

"Yeah, yeah. I know, it's stupid but come on! How does being up high not scare you?" I just shake my head and wipe the tears from my eyes.

"Okay, uh, my question. Two celebrities you have a crush on."

"Margot Robbie and Dylan O'Brian." He answers instantly, grinning at me.

"You're...bi?" I ask hesitatingly, unsure if he was joking or not.

"Yep, and now you need to answer your question." My heart flutters at his answer and I force myself not to smile.

"Hmmm, Angelina Jolie and Thomas Brodie-Sangster." He whistles quietly.

"You too, huh?" I nod and grin at him, which makes him blush. He scratches his chin a bit and then asks another question. I take a long drink of my milkshake, this place did have the best Blur Heaven I've ever tried.

"If you had the power to, what human trait or emotion would you erase?" His gaze flickers from my eyes to his milkshake haltingly.

"Wow, okay. Umm...discrimination." He nods slowly.

"I would erase inequality." We both sit there awkwardly for a bit while drinking our milkshakes. I try to think of a question to break the ice, I grin at him mischievously, an idea forming in my head.

"Are you a virgin?" Dean chokes on his drink and begins laughing hysterically, I join in not long after and he tries to answer through fits of laughter.

"Uhh, no. You?" He waggles his eyebrows and I reply with a grin.

"Nope." We both just start laughing again.

"I thought you said no inappropriate questions!" Dean says while flicking my hand, sending sparks down my arm. Keep your cool, Cas. It's only been a few days.

"I said you couldn't ask inappropriate questions, not me."

"Unfair."

"That's life."

"Touche" We both briefly pause for a second before grinning again.

We pull out our history and I lean over, explaining how we should display the art. We talk for what seems like hours and when I look outside, it's dark already.

"Well Dean, this had been incredibly fun but looking at the time, I have to get home." I resist the urge to frown, instead glancing sadly at the empty milkshake glasses.

"Yeah, I better get going too. You need a lift?" My heart lifts at his kindness.

"Please." We both pay and wander out the front door. The familiar tingle of a crush seeps into my stomach and I mentally beat it with a large stick.

"Goodbye, Dean."

"Bye Cas. See ya tomorrow." He grins and waves before heading to his home.

Maybe the new town won't be so bad after all.


	5. Tired Concerns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's why I'm here. I tell myself that I'm only looking out for a friend, but it feels a lot like stalking right now. Guilt rises in my chest and I shove it down, instead casually following Dean's car. I recall why I was doing this and I know that I needed to find out.

** Cas' POV **

The next few weeks were amazing.

Dean and I hung out every day after school and just talked, becoming closer with each passing day. We had every class together and soon became inseparable. We were best friends and everyone knew it, especially the football team, who we hung out with every lunch time. This was our group and I loved every second of it, I was happier than I had ever been.

I learnt that Dean and visited every state at least twice, his brother is the best thing in his life, his baby (the car) was the next best thing in his life, I was his best friend (which according to him was very important), he loved pie and he kept a lot of secrets. Secrets that I wanted to know.

That's why I'm here. I tell myself that I'm only looking out for a friend, but it feels a lot like stalking right now. Guilt rises in my chest and I shove it down, instead casually following Dean's car. I recall why I was doing this and I know that I needed to find out.

** *flashback* **

Dean rushes into the classroom just as the bell rings, his hair a mess, his usual plaid over shirt missing and dark circles under his eyes. The teacher clicks her tongue tuts at him and instead of the usual sarcastic comment that would've followed he stumbles to his seat next to me and slumps down.

"'Morning Cas, how are ya?" He slurs while rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Excellent, what happened to you?" He chuckles at my comment but stops when I don't laugh with him. He looked awful and wanted to know why- he was my best friend after all. I deserved to know why he looked dead on his feet and why he was struggling to open his eyes after each blink. The last two weeks he began to look like he was fading away, it was small things that gave it away.

It may or may not have something to do with the tiny, affectionate feeling I felt towards him but I noticed everything. The decreasing frame, the absence of his grin 24/7, the dark circles, the decreasing grades, the absent books and food and most of all the slump of his shoulders. He looked like the world was on his shoulders.

"Nothing happened to me Cas, I'm as right as rain." He grins tiredly at me. I roll my eyes at his answer because I know he'll never tell me anything. If the past month had taught me anything, it's that Dean Winchester is not good with feelings.

But being the arrogant idiot he is, he was probably just partying too hard and just fitting in at the new school.

After class, I sneak off to observe the younger sibling, Samuel Winchester.

He looked fine.

All of his equipment, healthy complexion, hands full of food and a grin on his face. Why was Dean different? I decided I'd follow him next week and see what happened.

** *end flashback* **

So here I am. I tap my fingers across the steering wheel and try to calm my breathing as I trail their car to where they lived. I was excited and scared at the same time, I was following my best friend but I was intruding into his life. The nervous flutter in my chest turned into a full on thumping as we pulled onto a familiar road. It was my street, the other end of my street, and that was my house up the road.

I'm probably just overreacting, he's gonna end up at one of the jocks houses, drinking and making out with everyone.

Deans car turns left, the shiny paint reflecting the afternoon sun. My car follows and I notice the street is worse at this end. The curb is scuffed and covered in dirt, the air smells like cigarettes and the motels were falling apart at the seams, why was Dean pulling in here?

I follow his car into the car park and feel my heart sinking in my chest as Sam clambers out of the car and enters one of the motel rooms, waving to Dean with a carefree hand. Dean waves back and pulls out again, spiking my interest. I had never been one to pry into my friend's lives before but Dean Winchester just made me so damn curious.

His car makes its way out of the decrepit parking lot and onto the main street, heading straight for one of the diners. Good, he was going to finally get some food into his system. He hadn't had lunch for the past two weeks, he's probably been too busy with hangovers.

I decide to wait in the car for him and instead turn on my music, the song going to one of Deans favorites, Highway to Hell. It suited him, especially with all the unknown fights he seemed to get in. Every few weeks he would come to school with some other injury from a fight, I just supposed his cocky attitude was that irritating to everyone. I smile to myself and open a book on my phone, beginning to read.

A few hours later I frown at the time, that's an awfully long meal. Just as I go to open the car door, Dean comes sprinting out and jumps in his car, speeding off to another destination.

** Deans POV **

I drop Sammy off at home, waving absentmindedly out the window. We hadn't been on the best of terms this week, I'd been keeping secrets from him. I sigh and massage my aching stomach, I hadn't eaten in a few days. As I pull out of the car park I bitterly think about how Dad had taken my money and left again.

** *flashback* **

I trudge through the front door, completely missing the black truck outside the motel room. I take off my jacket and head upstairs, my eyes half closed in sleep. I had worked a double shift and my feet were aching, I just wanted to sleep. My mouth slipped into a small smile at the idea of the paycheck that would bring. It could get Sammy the last few textbooks he needed for the year and his dinner for another week.

I open my door and freeze when I notice the lights on and two people are in my bedroom. I shake my head, trying to wake up and realise it's Sammy and my dad.

"Move Dean, I just came back for some money and I'll be off." I glanced at his hands and saw all my hard earned money in a fat envelope, anger rose in my chest and I opened my mouth to scream at him that it was for Sammy when someone beat me to it.

"We need that Dad! How else can we get food?" Sammy screams at him. Johns face falls slightly and then twists into a snarl. He points a finger accusingly at me and laughs coldly.

"Ask your big brother what he did last time I took the money and he couldn't get a paycheck the next week. It wasn't the first time and it wasn't the last either. I close my eyes and avoid replaying those memories, but in doing so I didn't see the king hit my father threw at me.

I was out before I hit the ground.

** *end flashback* **

I pull into The Roadhouse, physically shaking the memory from my head. Ellen smiles when she sees me walk in

"Dean! How are you? Come on in, your shift starts now!" I smile back at her and pull on my uniform, collecting the notepad and pen from a tin at the front desk. I wander out and wave at Jo, who grins back and points at the line of people at the front door. I groan and plaster a grin on my face as I walk up to the first family.

"Good evening, table for three? Right this way, please..." I lead them over to a table and hand out menus.

"Just give a shout when you're ready to order and someone will be over soon, okay?" I race back up to the front and show the next family in, and the next, and the next.

The Diner was completely full and the kitchen was in full swing, yelling everywhere and chatter from the guests. I take a quick break, leaning back onto the bench and taking a gulp of water. I sigh and my head droops forwards a bit, the food smelt so good and it was not helping my hunger at all.

I hear a shout from outside and groan, heading over to the door of the bustling diner once more.

"Dean! Table 43 is ready for the bill, bring it over to them, then your shifts over." I curse and hurriedly deliver the bill to a table of two families. The two fathers were enthusiastically talking about cars and the wives were comparing something on their phones, the three kids looked bored out of their brains.

"Evening, how was everybody's meal?" I got a few muttered phrases back "Great, here's the bill." I smile sweetly at them and pray they hurry up, my shifts already ended and I have somewhere to be. They take forever to decide what payment method they'd prefer and by the time they're finished, my foot is tapping and my hands are wringing together.

I drop my uniform and race out the building, jumping into my car and speeding to Jody Mills Diner. I run inside and am greeted by Jody, a slight woman with a pixie-cut brown hair and a mother attitude towards everyone.

"Dean!" She says with a grin "How've ya been? Can you pop on your uniform and get bustling, tonight's a busy one." I smile falsely and start work waiting tables.

* * * *

At 10:30 I practically crawl into my car and almost throw up at the movement. I groan and heave myself into a sitting position, palms pressing into my eyes as if that would stop the pounding in my skull. I mutter about nonsense and slowly drive to the library, trying my hardest not to fall asleep while driving. I pull in and stumble through the doors, waving at Missouri.

"You're late Dean! But I saved your table, computers free as well, just make sure your still watchin' over the people." I nod my head and she leaves. I shuffle over to the desk and sprawl my homework over it, groaning in frustration. At least Missouri let me do my homework on the job, or I'd be failing as well, it was my last year and I was gonna make it count and graduate with flying colors.

I open my math book and begin my calculus homework, then my English essay and then my chemistry assignment. About five minutes into advanced chemical equations a body plops down into the chair opposite me. I jump, startled and a little dazed but grin when I see Cas.

The last month we'd spent together has been awesome, I'd never had a best friend before and Cas made me see why I should have. He was funny, smart, awkward and knew me for me. We'd completed class together, hung out with the football together and won all of our matches together.

Okay, maybe I liked him a little, maybe.

He crossed his arms and pouted at me, his blue eyes looking incredibly bloodshot.

"Did you just wake up Cas?" I ask, my voice frail and hoarse, smooth Winchester, very attractive. He nods and his angry pout disappears. He shakes his head and begins talking.

"I followed you around tonight Dean and then fell asleep about two hours ago when you first got here. Why didn't you tell me why this was why you've been so tired all the time! You can trust me, Dean that's what best friends do!" His voice had risen to a loud whisper and suddenly he slumps in his chair, blinking furiously. He sniffles and I realize he's crying, he shouldn't cry.

"Come on Cas, let's get you home. Your tired and need to sleep, I'll drive you home and then I and take you to school tomorrow morning." I pinch the bridge of my nose and try not to pass out because of my headache.

"My shift ends in ten minutes and no one's here anyway, I'll take you home." He nods weakly and goes to walk out of the door, his knees buckling. I race forwards and catch him just in time. He blinks a bit and his eyes close slowly, I smile softly at his sleeping face and scoop him up, bridal style.

He snuggles into my chest and I gently place him in my car, I pat his pockets to find his phone and unlock it. I scroll through his contacts, calling his Dad, Chuck.

"Castiel Novak, what ungodly hour do you call this?"

"Sorry sir, I'm Dean, Castiel's friend. He went to the library to keep me company and kind of, well, he fell asleep. I'm going to drive him home, sir, but I don't know your address."

"Oh, your the Dean that Cas is always talking about." He laughs "Our address is 187 Hetfield drive, thank you for driving him home."

"That's okay, sir, thanks for the address." I hang up and drive to Cas' house. I scoop him up and he clings to my shoulder, I awkwardly walk up to his front door and it's opened by his father. He chuckles and takes Cas from me, gesturing for me to stay he walks off into the house. I sway a little and rub the sleep from my eyes, I would need to eat soon, thank god my pay was due tomorrow or I'd have to earn some quick cash. Shuddering I watch the shadow of Cas' father come closer to the door.

Chuck returns with a container full of pizza and hands it to me. I take it, my eyes wide in wonder.

"Thanks, sir. What's it for?" He laughs quietly and ruffles my hair. The gesture wasn't foreign to me, occasionally when dad was sober he'd do it when he said goodnight, but it was unusual.

"For driving my son home safely, thank you, Dean. Oh, and you can stop with the sir, just call me Chuck." He grins and slowly shuts the door, I close my eyes at the sudden emotion in my chest.

I climb into my car and devour all of the pizza before I even open the door to my room. It was amazing and eased the pain in my stomach instantly.

Collapsing onto my bed, I fell asleep instantly, worrying about what I would tell Cas tomorrow.


	6. For Sammy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I guess you want the full story then?" I nod once. "Alright, here it goes. You have to promise not to tell anyone, okay? Not a soul." He stares intensely into my eyes and I nod slightly, a little scared for what he was going to tell me.

** Cas' POV **

I wait patiently outside of my house for Dean. The cool air bites at my exposed ears and I pull my trench coat tighter around myself. I see Dean's car pull out of his driveway and I begin walking down the street, hoping to work some warmth into my limbs.

Dean grins as he pulls over next to me.

"Need a ride Cas?" I roll my eyes at him and open the back door, sliding into the warm interior. Dean smiles and begins driving to school, but something's off about him today. I observe him closely, his usual worn jeans, work boots and a tight black shirt with...no jacket over it. I frown at him, Dean was always cold. I'd noticed that whenever I touched him or anything he always felt cold. But today was freezing outside, so why isn't he wearing a jacket?

But that's not what's wrong, I turn to observe Sam because if something was wrong with Sam, Dean would be upset. Sam was bundled up in a jacket too big for him and a thick scarf but he looked fine. I tilted my head to the side and noticed that Sam's jacket was actually Dean's. 

Maybe it had something to do with his soul, I concentrated and observed their souls. Sam's was fine, happy even, but Deans...Deans was sad.

My heart constricts in my chest as the beginnings of an idea form, maybe they were poor, that would explain the numerous jobs, the absence of necessary items and their motel. I frown to myself and wonder about the life of Sam and Dean Winchester on the way to school but one question keeps circling around in my head.

Where are their parents?

* * * *

We pull into school and Sam bounds out of the car to class, waving at Dean with a grin on his face. I cross my arms and glare at Dean, his response is to study his hands and blush.

"Well?" I demand "Are you going to explain or not?" He shudders slightly and my anger dissipates, and when his voice cracks my heart breaks a little.

"What do you want to know Cas? Ask away." I place a hand on his shoulder and inhale sharply when he flinches at the touch. I wasn't used to this broken Dean, I knew him as arrogant and over confident, not shy and sad. I clear my throat and ask the questions that have been in my head all day.

"Where are your parents? Why do you have so many jobs? Why are always tired? If you work so many jobs, why don't you eat?" They all fall out of my mouth in a rush and Deans shoulder hunch forwards as he begins to answer.

"My mum died in a house fire when I was four, my dads never around much." He shrugs slightly and my heart squeezes in my chest. They were almost alone.

"I have so many jobs because I need to pay the rent, buy food and pay for our education. The jobs are the reason I'm tired." He trails off and looks at the time, grabbing the car door handle he opens it and stumbles out of the car, almost face planting. I scramble out of the car and put a steadying hand on his shoulder, my eyes widening in worry at how pale Dean really was. 

"Come on Cas, class is about to start, we can talk at lunch, okay?" I frown and reluctantly agree. We walk to class together and a few times I had to subtly keep him upright, it was terrifying me. We hurry into class and Dean practically collapses into a chair. I hear him groan and flinch when I touch his shoulder, pulling my hand back quickly I frown at his hunched figure.

* * * * 

We wander out of class to lunch and I notice that, once again, Dean doesn't have lunch. I grip his arm tightly, ignoring his wince of pain and drag him to a quiet spot underneath a willow tree. The grass is soft and the light green leaves wave in front of our faces, shielding us from everyone else. We could still observe the people outside but they wouldn't disturb us.

I yank Dean down to the ground with me and make sure were sitting directly opposite each other. Sitting cross-legged, our knees touch and I gently push his chin up. I raise an eyebrow and he sighs.

"I guess you want the full story then?" I nod once. "Alright, here it goes. You have to promise not to tell anyone, okay? Not a soul." He stares intensely into my eyes and I nod slightly, a little scared for what he was going to tell me.

"My dads rarely home, and when he is its either a loving father or the drunk asshole, John. I work three jobs to pay for the things he should be paying for and I save up the money so I can buy things like textbooks and a laptop for Sammy." He pauses and takes a deep breath but I'm stunned. He works so hard for his little brother and does nothing for himself. 

"Every couple of weeks, Dad comes home and steals all of my money. I've tried hiding it, I've tried moving motels while he's gone but he always finds us and takes it. That's why I'm always just short of money. I don't have food because Sammy's a growing boy and he needs it, he's always hungry so he gets all the food, it's not the first time this has happened and it's not the longest I've had to do it. When we were younger, dad used to come home once a week and drop off money. If that ran out I'd have to steal it because I couldn't work yet, when I was eleven he gave me a fake I.D and told me to find work." 

I cover my mouth with a hand, my eyes wide in shock. My best friend had gone through so much already and yet he still hid it well. I watch as he drops his head again and stares at his hands, I slowly lower my hand and touch his shoulder. He looks up at me and I almost cry at the look on his face, pure fear. I soften my voice and whisper

"When was the last time you ate?" He swallows and mumbles something under his breath, avoiding my eyes. 

"Pardon? I didn't hear you..."

"Your dad gave me pizza last night but other than that....about five or six days ago." I gasp, that's why he's so weak, he's starving. Before I can even think, I'm wrapping my arms around him and murmuring soft words.

"It's okay, Dean. We'll figure it out, I'll help you, okay? We're best friends, that's what best friends do." I pull back and instead hug myself. How could anyone do that to such a sweet, selfless person? Dean deserved better, and so did Sam. Speaking of Sam I could hear his voice yelling, looking at Dean I saw his fear filled expression for a split second before it changed to anger.

** Deans POV **

I felt awful dumping my problems onto Cas, and he looked so devastated. I slump my shoulders and carefully observe my weather worn boots until I hear Sammy cry out. My head snaps up, my heart pounding in my chest and when I see what's happening my blood boils.

I barely notice Cas' terrified face or frantic voice warning me not to get involved. All I can see is Alistair and Azazel holding the front of my brother's jacket and throwing punches, Sammy trying to fight back but he's only kid. I storm up to the large group of people gathered and the second they see my face they scramble out of my way. I watch as Cas stands next to the rest of the football team and I feel a pang of jealousy in my chest.

"Whatcha gonna do, kid? Nothing, that's right, nothin'. You're a freak ass nerd who's clothes don't even fit. No one cares if we beat you up." Azazel sneers and throws Sammy to the floor at my feet. I see a black eye and a bloody nose and the tears threatening to spill over his lashes. I reach down and pull him up, letting him lean on me for support. I give him the once over and deem him able to walk.

"Go to Cas, Sammy. Go to Cas right now and don't look back, okay? He'll take care of you." Sammy's wide eyes find mine and he whispers back to me.

"Dean, you'll get your ass kicked by the entire football team!" I laugh and ruffle his hair, pushing him towards Cas. He looks back terrified and I glance at Cas. Pointing at Sam, Cas nods and makes his way over.

"Dean, please!" Sammy whispers.

"It's either me or you Sammy. And it sure as hell ain't gonna be you. Go." I look away and nod my thanks to Cas who is dragging Sam to my car and pushing him in. I turn around and everyone on the football team is standing ahead of me.

"Why'd you stand up for that freak, Winchester?" Azazel asks. cracking his knuckles.

"That's my brother you asshole. Touch him again and I'll rip out your lungs!" I knew I was gonna get my ass kicked but I couldn't stop. I was weak from hunger and exhausted from lack of sleep, but that didn't mean I wouldn't fight back. On a normal day, I could've taken all of them easily, but not today.

Crowley sneers and lunges at me, knocking me right on the jaw, I stumble back and he lunges again, but this time I pull my hand back and punch him straight in the nose, knocking him to the ground. The rest of the team growls and races towards me. I throw punches and hit a few people but they keep coming, my adrenaline wears off and my head swoons, sending me stumbling.

Right into Alistair's arms. 

He knees me in the stomach and I double over, then he kicks my knee out from under me and suddenly I'm on the floor. The kicks follow soon after and I curl into a ball trying to protect myself from their anger. A stray boot connects with my ribs and I hear a crack, followed by a scream. The scream was coming from me and I try to crawl away but someone kicks my face. 

I briefly look up and see Cas slowly walking over to me, his face pale and his hands clenched tightly. I feel another crack from my face and squeeze my eyes shut in pain. The kicks stop and a hand grips my hair, pulling my bloodied face from the ground. I feel hot breath on my neck and Alistair's voice weaves its way through the air.

"Don't fight the superpower, kid. You stand up to us again, and we'll hurt your boy toy too." He drops my head and walks off. I wearily open an eye and see Cas sprinting towards me, he crouches down and rolls me onto my back, I groan at the pain lancing up my body. He stifles a gasp and I close my eyes, too tired to keep them open.

I feel hands grip under my arms and suddenly I'm on my feet. Cas starts to move towards my car and I whimper as I breathe in.

The last thing I remember is Sammy's face crying next to me in the back seat.

**Cas' POV**

I stand frozen as the football team kick the crap out of Dean. My hands are shaking but I can't move from the car for two reasons, the first, I think I'm in shock, the second is that if I leave I know Sam will try and help his brother.

I hear a crack and watch as Deans face screws up in pain and he screams. Everyone else starts to back away, looking terrified of the football team, the people I thought were our friends. Deans scream was one of heart-wrenching pain and I have to lock Sam in the car to stop him from racing to Dean. 

I knew Dean would want me to watch Sam, so that's what I did. Until another crack follows and I watch his eyes screw up in pain and he tries to make himself smaller, at that I begin to stride over to Alistair who is currently whispering something in Deans' ear and staring directly at me.

He drops his head and the team leaves. I take a deep breath and sprint towards Dean, almost crying at his bruised and battered body. I crouch down and gently rolling him onto his back, trying not to cry when he groans in pain. I lift him up and he leans heavily on me, he takes a deep breath and whimpers quietly.

I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces at the noise and that's when I realised I'd fallen in love with my best friend.

I shake off the epiphany and instead rush him to the car and slip into the driver's seat, I look back and see Sam has Deans head in his lap and is crying softly. He strokes Deans forehead and murmurs words to him quietly while I drive to their house.

I think Deans' ribs are broken but Sam refuses to let me take them to the hospital.

"Dean will throw a fit if he wakes up in the hospital, besides, how would we pay the bill? We'd get dad and that could just end up worse for Dean." Sam looks down and kisses his brothers forehead, but I frown at his statement.

Then it clicks. 

_ ***epiphany/flashbacks*** _

_Every couple of weeks he'd come to school with a new bruise._

_"Every couple of weeks, Dad comes home and steals all of my money."_

_"that could end up worse for dean."_

_"the drunk asshole, John."_

Their father was abusive.


	7. Fatherly Feelings

**Cas' POV**

That night was one of the worst nights of my life, waiting for Dean to wake up. 

After driving to their house Sam got out the first aid kit and started to patch himself up. I tutted and grabbed the materials out of his hands.

"Come on, Sam. I'll patch you up and then I'll go buy you guys some food, sound good?" He gave me a weird look and slowly nodded. As I patched him up I used some of my angelic ability, since meeting Dean I had been using it less and less. But this was desperate.

I tuned into Sams thoughts and tried to decipher the thoughts behind that face.

_***Sams Thoughts*** _

_Why is he helping us? He probably wants something in return, but what could we possibly have that he wants?_

_Did you ever think he's just nice?_

_No, never. Dad always said that everyone wants something, so what does this guy want?_

_Yeah, well, Dad always said Dean couldn't do anything properly and look how you turned out. He did alright there._

_True, but why did he offer food? We have plenty of food..._

_***Thoughts over*** _

I blink at his thoughts. Their dad told him Dean couldn't do anything properly? My chest aches at the thought of my best friends upbringing. But then something else snags my attention, Sam thought they had plenty of food, which means Dean doesn't tell him. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying not to let my emotions show.

"Hey, are you alright? You look awfully sad..." Sams small voice breaks through my thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm alright Sam. How are you holding up?" He looks a bit dazed.

"Sore, how did Dean take all that without hardly making a sound?" Sam looks upset and almost like he knows the answer.

"I don't know, Sam. When I'm done with you I'll go grab some food and call my dad. Can you patch Dean up while I'm gone?" He nods slowly and I finish cleaning his face and hand him an ice pack. His lip trembles and I sigh, leaning in I wrap my arms around his shaking frame and let him cry into my shoulder.

"M-my whole b-body hurts Cas! H-how do I-I make it s-stop!" I hug him tighter and tell him to stay put while I sort it out. I wander out of the room and pull my phone out of my pocket. While I call my dad I observe their motel. 

It was dirty and smelt, but in here had a homey feel. It reminded me of Dean. 

"Castiel, how are you?" My dads voice answers.

"I'm good, can I ask a favour?" I ask, my voice wavering.

"Sure Cas, what do you need?" He replies, his voice tense with concern.

"Can you bring some pain medication and lots of food to the Red Motel down the road? Room 221B?" Maybe my dad could help the brothers.

"Of course, but why?" My dad sounds hesitant.

"I'll explain later dad, can you please hurry?"

"Okay Cas, I"ll be there in five"

The line beeps as my dad hangs up and I lean against the wall, letting my emotions show for just a minute. I slide down to the floor and press the palm of my hands into my eyes, remembering when Dean did the same thing after work. He kept all his secrets so close to his chest and was so selfless that you couldn't imagine anyone hurting him.

But he also wore a mask of arrogance. A mask that even fooled me into believing he was the idiotic stereotypical jock, even when he started working himself into the ground. A muffled sob escapes my mouth, not even Sam knew Dean's hard work. He thought Dean hung out with the football team every night, Sam didn't know Dean had three jobs.

Another sob escapes my mouth and I take a deep shuddering breath, trying to keep my breakdown quiet. I desperately map my surroundings to calm myself. I was leaning on the wall just outside the kitchen and just down the hallway was the lounge room. The walls were a pasty yellow wallpaper and the carpet was tan and stained. My eyes trace the outline of the walls and notice the many dents in them, how could Dean live like this?

Dean's situation stuck out to me for some reason. I don't know why, I mean, I had a great home life, always had plenty of friends and yet his problems brought back the old doubts that used to plague me.

I take another deep breath and breathe out slowly, trying to calm my racing heart. My pulse manages to slow and the tears stop long enough for me to stand up and wander back to Sam and Dean. 

Sam was rocking back and forth, hugging himself tightly and worriedly staring at his brother. His long brown hair was sticking up in every direction and his eyes were puffy and red. His left cheekbone had a large purple bruise on it and just above his eye was a small cut from the ring Alistair always wore. 

He briefly glances at me and then continues to stare at Dean. I sigh and run my hands through my hair, trying to look anywhere other than Dean. I hear a sharp knock at the door and sag in relief, I race towards the door and yank it open.

I barely register my dad's stunned expression before I grip his wrist and drag him into the hallway, hesitating slightly before letting him in. I call out to Sam softly and wince as he groans when he moves. He stumbles out into the hallway and freezes when he sees my dad.

"Sam, this is my dad, Chuck. He's brought some pain medication for you, okay?" Sam gives me a shocked look before nodding slightly and holding a shaking hand out to my dad. I notice dad pause briefly before shaking Sam's hand an then rummaging through the bag he bought.

"Here you are Sam." He says gently "Take two of these with water and go take a nap." Sam looks at me terrified.

"I'll watch Dean. Promise." With that Sam nods and exits the room, limping slightly. I tense up as my dad moves and close my eyes before turning and facing him. A slowly inch my eyes open and see him standing there, open mouthed and slightly pale.

"What happened to that poor boy, Castiel?" My father says, trying to sound stern but coming out more worried.

"That's Dean's younger brother. The football team decided to beat him up today and Dean had to interfere." He nods at me before frowning.

"I'm sensing that there's more to this story?" I nod shakily and lead him into the lounge room, gesturing helplessly at Deans sleeping form sprawled across the couch. At his gasp, I look down and Dean and feel tears swell again. 

He was shivering and grimacing, his face covered in blood. Sam must have been in too much pain to clean him up. 

"Castiel...that's Dean. What happened?" My father's soft voice seems to make Dean stir slightly.

"C-Cas?" I hear a voice stammer out. I rush over to Dean's side and clasp his hand tightly. He chuckles and rubs circles on the back of my hand soothingly, he coughs and his breath pauses for a second afterwards. I look up and see him grinning at me, then his grin slips and he heaves himself upright, clenching his jaw in pain. 

I open my mouth to object when his hand reaches forwards and wipes something off my cheek. Looking down I notice tears. 

"I'm fine, Cas. Just a couple of cuts and bruises, nothing to worry about." I shake my head dazed, he's the one that's been beaten and he's calm whereas I'm a mess. I cover my mouth with a hand and shut my eyes tightly, trying to suppress my emotions. I was terrified for Sam and Dean and I was selfishly worried about myself. I feel Dean's freezing fingers hold my face and wipe my tears away. When he speaks it's like he's reading my mind.

"I forgive you. I know you're tearing yourself up over the fact you didn't stop them, but Cas, you would have gotten your ass kicked as well, then we'd be in real trouble. Thank you for staying with Sammy." I open my eyes to his sincere face, so different from the usual grin that was plastered there.

But that grin had always been part of the mask, and now that he was in pain the mask slipped. And I think I love this Dean as much as the masked version. He opens his arms and I fall into them, trying to muffle my sobs in his shoulder. I keep crying until my eyes drift shut and I fall asleep in Dean's arms, wishing it could be a frequent thing.

** Dean's POV **

The first thought that crossed my mind when I woke up was Cas, all I could see were his sapphire blue eyes and the universe they held inside them. I blink my eyes open groggily and saw Cas sitting beside me, clasping my hand tightly and staring at me with fear.

I chuckle while trying to ignore the pain in my torso and squeeze his hand, rubbing soothing circles into the back of it. My heart flutters at the contact and I take a deep breath in, tensing as pain lanced through my ribs. Tears start to fall from Cas' eyelashes and I automatically sit up to wipe them away. I quietly comfort him and open my arms, one hug couldn't hurt anyone.

Turns out I was wrong, both figuratively and literally. His quiet sobs shook my bruised body and I winced at the movement but didn't pull back. I feel the familiar tug on my heartstrings from whenever I looked at him, I just wished that I could hug him like this and it would mean more.

Cas' breathing evens and I finally look up to the other figure in the room, for a second fear stopped my heart as the sunlight hid the man's features. Then it cleared and I recognised Chuck, Cas' dad. I cleared my throat awkwardly and tried to ignore the look of pure confusion on his face, in all honesty, I didn't know what happened just then either.

Chuck shakes his head briefly before making his was over to me and gesturing to Cas and then mimicking sleep. I nod and point down the hall, then pointing left. Chuck smiles softly and reaches for Cas, who was currently hugging me in his sleep, his arms and legs wrapped around me like a cocoon. Chuck laughs at this and slowly pries Cas off me before picking him up and carrying him to the spare bedroom. 

I allow myself one minute of emotion, just one, before Chuck comes back. I lightly touch my ribs and find comfort when I don't need to pull back, I had heard a crack but I don't think it's too serious. I mentally thank Sammy for not taking me to the hospital, I couldn't have afforded it and then dad would have had to come home. 

When my next breath releases it shudders and my eyes widen in shock before a sob escapes my throat. I slap my hands over my mouth in surprise when another sob breaks through and tears stream down my face. I'd never had anyone other than Sam care about me, and Sam had stopped crying when I was hurt long ago. 

Thoughts weaselled their way into my head, poisoning my mind and preventing me from believing that Cas could care that much. That I could have a best friend, that I could have someone that cried for me. Another sob escapes my throat and Chuck casually walks back in, freezing when he sees my tears. 

I freak out and quickly try to dry my tears before he comes any closer. He strides forwards and I find myself scrambling backwards, pressing my body into the couch as much as possible and squeezing my eyes shut. I brace for impact, anything, and jump when warm arms surround me. I pause before realising what was happening.

Chuck was hugging me.

Hugging me like he cared. 

I let out a shuddering breath and tentatively wrap my arms back around him. He rubs my back and I start sobbing again, the hug reminding me of the days that dad came home happy and sober. I fell asleep in his arms.

_***flashback*** _

_Sam and I stood tense beside the dining room table, three plates of steaming chicken waiting for us to devour. Sam winces when the door slams closed and we both straighten our back when our dad wanders into the living room. I subtly stand just in front of Sam and wait for our dads permission to eat._

_"This smells amazing, Dean. When did you get so good at cooking?" Our dad grins, an unusual sparkle in his eyes. He walks past me and ruffles my hair in a fatherly manner before giving Sam a quick hug. I grin, he was sober tonight. I glance down at Sammy and see the sparkle in his eyes and the glow in his face from after the hug._

_"I'm gonna grab a beer, you boys want anything? I think we have lemonade in here somewhere." He walks over to the fridge and pulls out a beer and two cans of lemonade. We all sit at the table and laugh about our day._

_"So this kid right? He, uh, he jumps in front of the teacher with red paint dripping down his face and he starts rambling on and on. He says something along the lines of 'my prophet has spoken of the two bunnies leaving behind their carrots and instead finding bananas'. And then he, uh, he gasped really loudly and threw glitter in her face." Sam finishes his story and we all burst out laughing, I look at dad happily and see his face-splitting grin towards Sammy._

_"So boys, wanna game of Mario Kart? This motel came with the game and console..." Sam and I look at each other with devilish grins on our faces and nod at our father. Dad narrows his eyes and smirks back at us,_

_"You're on boys, I may be old but I can still kick your ass at Mario Kart." He laughs and makes his way over to the T.V and my heart swells in happiness._

_* * * * *_

_Our dad leans back, shock evident on his face._

_"I...what...how?" he stutters out causing Sam and me to burst out laughing. Our dad chuckles back and then gives a yawn._

_"Alright, alright, yes you won! But you still have to go to bed now." We groan and he just laughs before giving Sammy a hug and a slap on the back. Sam leaves with a spring in his step and I smile gently at him._

_I turn back to our dad and freeze when he envelopes me in a hug. I slowly wrap my arms around him and relax into the fatherly embrace. He kisses the top of my head and gives me a light nudge towards my room._

_"Get some rest Dean." He pauses. "I may not be the best father but I'm proud of you, Dean. Don't forget that okay?" I grin at him and nod my head before going to my room and sleeping with a smile on my face._


	8. Confession Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This must be what it feels like to have a proper father. I feel a nervous flutter in my stomach and shove the feeling away, last night was my breakdown, it won't happen again. I drag myself down the hallway and pause outside Sammy's decorated door. Every place we stayed, Sam's posters followed and here was no exception. 

**Dean's POV**

I woke up on the couch with an old blanket covering me and a new shirt on. I sit up and wince at the ache in my rib, I remembered the events that had unfolded last night. I shivered at the cold that usually accompanied me and wished for another hug that meant something. 

I pulled myself up and slowly made my way to the kitchen while clutching my ribs. I carefully rub the sleep out of my eyes and wander into the kitchen, freezing when I see Chuck sitting there with a newspaper and a coffee. He was so kind and accepting, he helped me without hesitating. He glances up and smiles broadly at me.

"Good morning, Dean. Breakfast will be ready in about 10 minutes, Castiel is currently showering and Sams in his room. Get cleaned up after Castiel and then I'll bring you some breakfast okay?" He shuffles the newspaper before turning down to read it again.

This must be what it feels like to have a proper father. I feel a nervous flutter in my stomach and shove the feeling away, last night was my breakdown, it won't happen again. I drag myself down the hallway and pause outside Sammy's decorated door. Every place we stayed, Sam's posters followed and here was no exception. 

I recognized posters from Doctor Who, Sherlock, Lord of the Rings, The Walking Dead and about ten other movies. I smile at the idea of his youth still being intact and knock gently on the tenth doctors face. I hear Sammy's weak greeting and I push open his door slowly. He looks up and I see his face light up when he sees me. My heart swells with pride and happiness and I can't help but grin back. He scrambles up and launches himself at me, mumbling into my shoulder.

"Don't ever do that again, okay? We were so worried about you!" I smile softly and hug him until he steps back, he walks around me slowly, something we'd picked up. Whenever anything happened we would circle each other and double check to see what condition we were in. We both knew each other inside out so it was almost impossible to keep secrets, that being said I could fool him easily. 

"What hurts, De? Mr Novak bought some pain medication over for us so you have to take some." I ruffle his hair and wonder how he was so amazing. He was kind, selfless, happy and serene all the time. I was lucky and incredibly proud to call him my brother. 

"I'm fine Sammy, heck, I've had worse before. I'll take some medication but I think you could use it more." I definitely would take some pain medication because I'm currently trying to avoid thinking about the soreness that invaded every part of my body. I have had worse than this but that doesn't mean this doesn't hurt, but I can suck it up and deal with it. Sammy's just a kid, he shouldn't have to deal with this pain yet, he needs that medication more than me. 

Sammy glares at me and then his expression softens as he takes in the sight of my face, which was probably bruised everywhere. Then he bites his lip and leans back on his heels.

"I need to talk to you, De. Properly." I sigh and run a hand shakily through my short hair. I knew this would come, he was still angry about the secrets I kept. He opens his mouth again but is interrupted by a squeak from the door behind me. I spin around, preparing for a fight when I'm attacked by arms hugging me. I was almost up to limit of monthly hugs, I wasn't good with showing emotion.

I freeze with my hands outstretched slightly before I recognise Cas' hair tickling my nose. I chuckle nervously and gently hug him back, silently urging him to let go. He was hurting my ribs and making thinking straight difficult. _Whenever you think around him it certainly isn't 'straight'._

I shake that thought away and study his face when he pulls away. His cheeks are slightly flushed and his hair is dripping wet and hanging around his face, his blue eyes are sparkling and his mouth is stretched into a wide grin.

"Dean." He sighs contentedly, his voice never fails to amaze me. His brows furrow as he glances between me and Sammy.

"Are you okay? What's happening? Why are you both so tense right now? Sorry, I invited my dad but I needed help and medicine. How's your head now Sam? I also got dad to bring some food cause I know what's..."

"Cas!" I quickly interrupt. He freezes with his mouth open. He gulps guiltily and lowers his head, glances at me through his eyelashes, causing me to forget how to breathe for a second. He was so innocent and beautiful it was hard to breathe properly around him. Cas blushes silently and Sam walks up to us.

"How about Cas and I go help with breakfast while you shower Dean?" Sammy suggests before gripping Cas' arm and pulling him out the doorway. I stand confused for a second before heading off the shower. 

I imagine the hot water washing off the pain and instead leaving the usual mask that I wore everyday. When I exit the steamy box, I pull on some fresh clothes and mentally prepare myself for school today.

**Cas' POV**

Sams grip on my elbow was tight enough to cut off circulation but the expression on his face caused me to swallow my protests. He pulls me into the lounge room and spins around, his face pulled together in worry, fear, and wonder.

"I don't know why, Cas, but Dean really cares about you. You're the only person I've ever seen him trust like this and I need you to do a favour for me." His words spill out in a rush.

"Of course, Sam. Anything for the Winchesters." He smiles a little at my words but I'm dead serious. 

"I need to talk to Dean seriously, but I need you to be there otherwise it's not gonna happen. He won't tell me jack squat but I'm almost fifteen, I can handle whatever crap he's dealing with." The poor boy looks like a lost puppy, his eyes wide and imploring. how could anyone say no?

"Okay, Sam. But Dean might not open up yet." He nods his thanks and slides into the kitchen, warily eyeing my father. The poor kids been through so much that he was wary even of someone that had helped him. I smile at my dad and he grins back, gesturing towards the plates of bacon, eggs and sausages. 

Sam's eyes light up and he snatches a plate before sitting down opposite my dad and calmly eating his meal. After the first bite his eyes widen and he gives my dad a wary thumbs up, his posture stiff. My dad slowly grins and looks at me with triumph, but his grin slips when he spots someone behind me. Dad slowly gets up and makes his way over to the person behind me.

I take a few steps forward and spin around to face whoever's in the doorway. My dad makes his way over to Dean, who was shuffling his feet in the carpet and staring at the floor. I tip toe to where my father was sitting at watch the scene unfold between my dad and Dean.

My dad reaches forward slowly and places a hand gently on Deans' shoulder, I see Sam tense at the table. Dean slowly looks up at my dad, respect, and gratitude clear on his face.

"Thank you, sir, honestly. how could we ever repay you?" Dean's voice cracks slightly on the _honestly._ My dad sighs and opens his arms slightly, causing Sam to clench his fists and Dean to smile slightly.

"Get better, and eat at my house at least once a week." Dean's mouth drops open along with Sam's and I grin. My dad was a genius! It's the perfect way to feed them, make sure their okay and to know when their father is home. Dean inhales and rubs the back of his neck.

"T-thank you, s-sir. I-I....thanks." Dean's words stutter and I see Sam rise off his seat slightly. The connection between the two boys was crystal clear, and this was Sam watching out for Dean. I watch my dad gesture for Dean to come closer and Sam clenches his fists tightly.

Then Dean leans forwards and buries his face in my dad's shoulder, hugging him tightly. I see Sam relax immediately and his eyes soften, my dad pats Dean on the back and the two pull apart. I tune into my angel senses and study their souls, my dads was warm and happy, Deans was as bright as the sun and full of affection. 

I smile the biggest smile and skip back down to my chair, pointing Dean into the one next to me. My dad sits down again and Sam leans forwards to shake his hand firmly and offers his gratitude. I see my dad's face light up and the mood at the breakfast table is one of peace and happiness, but I still couldn't look at Dean's face. I couldn't bring myself to see the damage.

* * * *

After breakfast we pile into Dean's car, with me excitedly sitting in the driver's seat. We had gone to get in the car when Dean had cried out and hunched over, we had quickly surrounded him and he just huffed and dropped the keys in my hand.

"Don't get a single scratch on her, got it?" His voice was gruff and tight with pain. I slid into the drivers seat and laughed at Sam's bewildered expression, I gently ease out of the motel car park and head to school. I look over my shoulder at Dean's face and stifle a gasp, he had two black eyes, a bruise along his jaw, a cut above his eyebrow and a cut on his cheekbone. My heart aches at the pain he must be in, I just wanted to kiss it away.

When we get there I pull into the car park and tell both the brothers to follow me. I lead to the willow Dean and I sat under yesterday and explain on the way.

"I purposely left this early so we had time to talk this morning. We have an hour before school actually starts so Sam, ask away." We sit in a circle and Dean glares at the ground, his arms wrapped protectively around his torso. Sam clears his throat and begins.

"Where do we get the money, De? Why are you so...so...fragile lately?" Sam asks the floor instead of Dean and Dean sighs before repeating the same story he did yesterday. I watch as Sam's face falls and he bites his lip to stop the tears that are already flowing. 

**Dean's POV**

I finish my long-overdue explanation and look up at Sammy guiltily. He was openly crying. My heart aches and I gently wipe the tears away, quieting his sobs. I bottle up my emotions and only let the worry for my brother's safety through. 

"T-There's more, De." Sam begins and my breath leaves my body. I frantically look at Cas and he nods grimly, my worries ease a bit and I know Cas won't leave me.

"What did Dad mean when he said to ask how you'd gotten quick money?" His question feels like a blow to the stomach. I jerk back and begin to scramble away, only stopping when Cas places a comforting hand on my shoulder. 

I was so whipped by this blue-eyed boy.

But could I tell him and Sam the biggest secret? The one only dad had managed to find out?

"Please, De. I deserve to know!" Sammy's heartbroken expression is what finalizes my decision. I feel Cas' hand on my own and I look at him surprised, my heart thumping wildly in my chest. I can feel the blush creeping up my face as he nods at me and smiles gently. I take a deep breath and summarize without details.

"It's only been the l-last year o-or so but I-I had to...to...ugh." I take a deep breath and rub my face, trying to escape more memories.

"I...um...sold myself?" I pose it as a question and flinch violently when Sam and Cas gasp and begin yelling at me.

"What the hell Dean! You should have told me!"

"That's horrible Dean! How could your father let you do that?!"

I close my eyes and curl in on myself and fall into an abyss of memories as Cas' hand grips my shoulder tightly.

_***flashback*** _

_My hands shake as I reach for the door handle of the club. I take a deep breath and shake my head._

_"For Sammy," I whisper to myself. Dad had taken the money again and all the food I had bought. I had to get cash, and quick. I force myself into the sweaty club and push my way through the masses of sweaty people grinding on each other._

_I reach the bartender, a well known client for this sort of thing. And I fit his criteria perfectly, young, male, toned, all the boxes were ticked. So I wasn't surprised that as soon as I leant on the counter that he approached me. My heart was pounding in my chest by I schooled my face into the mask I needed it to be in._

_"Whatcha doin' 'ere, boy?" The bartender smirks at me and appraises my body slowly. I physically have to stop myself from shaking and gagging._

_"Looking for some quick cash and you...look good enough for me." I send him a disarming smirk and his eyes gleam. He gestures for me to follow him and I duck behind the bar, trailing him to a dirty room. My heart thumps wildly in my chest and I bite my lip to stop it trembling._

**Cas' POV**

I was stuck in Dean's memory with him, and it was not pretty.

**_*Dean's flashback*_ **

_The bartender gestures for Dean to follow him and he does. Slipping silently off his stool I see him clench his shaking fists and close his eyes briefly. They both wander over to a dirty room and I manage to slip inside before the door is slammed shut. Both Dean and I flinch and the bartender heads to the bathroom quickly, mumbling about getting ready._

_I see Dean bite his lip and begin to remove his shoes and belt._

I don't want to see this.

_The man returns with a devilish smirk and an envelope which he passes to Dean. Dean inhales and counts the cash, I'm mind blown. It was a lot. Dean seems to agree._

_"This is a lot for one round don't you think?" He asks, his voice firm, but I could sense the underlying tone of fear._

_"No one said only one round, did they boy? I paid for the whole night." I watch as Dean's face pales and he nods slowly, placing the envelope with his boots and jacket. Just as he begins to turn around the bartender pushes his shoulders against the wall and begins kissing his neck. Dean screws his eyes shut and bites his lip hard enough to draw blood._

Get us out of here, I don't want to watch this!!

_The man growls and spins Dean around before pushing him into the wall again and attacking his lips. Dean's eyes remain closed._

_The man pushes Dean to his knees and begins unbuckling his belt, Dean silently cries and wipes the tears away before the bartender sees._

I WILL NOT WATCH THIS!!!

I rip my hand from Dean's shoulder and scramble backwards. I stand up shakily and stare open mouthed at Dean, who was casually brushing himself off. I notice the slight shake to his hands though and I gasp when he looks at me and freezes.

"Sammy, why are you holding a gun to Cas' head?"


	9. Boyfriends and Bullies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I grab both sides of his face and crash my lips into his. For a second he doesn't do anything, then his arms are wrapping around me and his kissing back with a passion. It feels like fireworks and dizziness, it feels like nerves and fire. It feels perfectly right. My heart thumps and my stomach tightens, I move my hands to the back of his head and curl them through his hair. He rubs a thumb along the line of skin between my shirt and jeans and goosebumps follow his every touch.

**Cas' POV**

"Why are you holding a gun to Cas' head?" I freeze at his words and my eyes widen, they couldn't be, could they? Hunters? My heart thumps wildly in my chest and I try to control my erratic breathing. I'm technically not a supernatural being, just descended from one, but hunters usually shoot first and then ask questions.

"Because he's supernatural, he just went into your head and I couldn't get either of out of it." Sam's shaky voice pipes up from behind me and I watch Dean's face go pale again. I feel the cool metal of a gun being pressed into my skull and I hear Sam begin to talk.

"First off, sit down." I follow his instructions with shaky movements and the brothers stand in front of me. Sam with a hard expression and a gun held steadily, Dean with a gaping mouth and a pale face.

"Okay, Castiel. What are you? Why are you here? What did you just do to Dean?" Sam asks in a hard voice, his stance betraying no emotion. My heart thumps wildly and I swallow nervously.

"I-I'm a descendant of angels, my whole family is." Sam cocks an eyebrow but doesn't interrupt.

"I'm here because we moved here, I have no ulterior motive. I was born just like you and raised just like a normal person, I pretty much am a human. The only difference is I have the ability to see souls and read minds, but only when I concentrate really hard." Sam blinks slowly and begins to lower the gun, but Dean is still pale although he's warily watching me.

"What I just did with Dean was an accident. As a friend, I put my hand on his shoulder because he was distressed, but his emotions were too strong and they dragged me in. I experienced the memory he was reliving." At this Dean begins mumbling and running his hands through his hair.

"No, no, no. You couldn't have seen that you weren't meant to see that. Goddammit Cas, please tell me you didn't see what I saw." He turns to me and stares at me pleadingly.

"I'll never lie to you, Dean." At this, he covers his eyes and turns away, Sam frowns and touches Dean's shoulder lightly.

"De? What did you see?" His voice is calm and non-threatening, and I realise just how close the brothers are. Deans slumped shoulders make my heart ache and I find myself walking towards him without thinking about it. He turns to looks at me with a heartbroken expression, his green eyes shining with tears he was holding back. I can't take seeing him like this anymore, I grab his shoulder tightly and pull his chin upwards so he was looking me in the eye.

"I. Don't. Care. What. You. Did. Dean" I say, barely managing to control my anger at his horrible situation. He looks up and my heart shatters as he begins to put his mask back together before facing his brother, he allows me to see how broken he feels.

And I can't take it.

I grab both sides of his face and crash my lips into his. For a second he doesn't do anything, then his arms are wrapping around me and his kissing back with a passion. It feels like fireworks and dizziness, it feels like nerves and fire. It feels perfectly right. My heart thumps and my stomach tightens, I move my hands to the back of his head and curl them through his hair. He rubs a thumb along the line of skin between my shirt and jeans and goosebumps follow his every touch.

We break apart breathing heavily and he leans his forehead on mine, staring straight into my eyes.

"Wow." He breaths, he chuckles a little and licks his lips. His hair is slightly messy, his eyes are bright and his cheeks are flushed.

"Wow indeed, Winchester. Wow indeed." He laughs at this and we pull away from each other reluctantly.

**Dean's POV**

The kiss was the single most perfect thing I have ever experienced. It was more than I had dared hoped for and it sent electricity shooting all over my body and when Cas wound his fingers into my hair it took all of my strength not to melt into his touch and moan.

But Sammy was behind us and I couldn't do that to him, no matter how much I wanted to.

That being said it was almost impossible to move away from Cas after that, even though my face hurt from the hard contact of his lips. We stared into each other's eyes and his hair was sticking up in every direction, his cheeks bright red. I pull back slowly and glance at Sammy who's grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh thank god! The tension between you two was crazy, oh Gabriel owes me twenty dollars." Then his words sink in and my ears tinge pink.

"You bet on us?" I ask, and he just rolls his eyes. Cas groans and buries his head in my shoulder.

"Duh, I said you'd get together this week. He said it would take another month." Sammy laughs again and then his laughter dies.

"Sorry to ruin the happy moment guys, but what did you see Dean?" I feel Cas stiffen beside me and worriedly look down at him, he was shooting daggers into the ground. I shuffle my feet awkwardly and grab his hand, smiling when his cheeks tinge pink again. His eyes soften as he looks at me and suddenly Sammy's hand is snapping in between our faces.

"Yes, you two are cute." He begins, causing Cas and me to laugh nervously.

"But can you answer my question rather than giving each other goo-goo eyes." I rub the back of my neck and with my other hand squeeze Cas' hand tightly. He returns the pressure and I feel confident enough to tell Sam. I go to open my mouth but the sound gets caught in my throat. I glance down at Cas and whisper quietly.

"Could you use your powers to bring Sam and you into a memory? A different one that is, not so...harsh." He nods and we all sit down, my heart pumping wildly and my hands sweating. Cas reaches for Sam and then nods at me. Time to go into a memory, but the familiar feel of being swept away begins it shows something different.

**Cas' POV**

I feel Dean's choice of memory slip away and suddenly we're somewhere different.

_***memory*** _

_"Use your other method of getting money, you little idiot!" The harsh voice calls. I look to my left and see the shadowy version of Sam standing next to me, I smile at him and he just bites his lip. Turning back to the scene ahead of me I see a filthy kitchen and a tall, dark-haired man standing over a shadowy figure crouched on the floor. The man looks up and I notice the strikingly similar features between him and Dean. This must be their father._

_"Sammy, go to your room." The figure on the floor calls out and my eyes widen at Dean's voice. I look next to me and see two Sams. The real version, who looks resigned and the memory version, who looks terrified. Memory Sam nods and sprints away._

"I remember this," Sam whispers next to me.

_Their father pulls Dean up by the collar and slams him against the kitchen table, causing Dean to cry out. I cover my mouth with a hand and turn Sam and me around, urging the memory to hurry up. Sam and I hear a small sniffle and turn around as memory Sam hugs Dean, who is sitting at the kitchen table with a blood nose._

Faster, I urge the memory. Move along.

_Dean gets out of the car and walks towards a night club pulsing in red lights. The name 'Devils Time' pulses above the masses of people both sitting in private booths and dancing inappropriately. Dean shivers and makes his way to a hidden door at the back of the club, Sam and I follow, both our faces pale._

_He opens the door to a quiet room filled with silk sheets hanging from the roof and heavily perfumed candles everywhere. Dean makes his way to a man holding a large book._

_"I'm here to sell?" We hear Dean practically whisper. The man looks at him over his glasses and appraises his body._

_"The room three doors down on your left will have someone that will enjoy your company. Don't make him mad, okay?" Dean nods shakily and goes to walk away when the man grips his arm._

_"Before you go, make sure you only walk in with your pants and when you're done, come find me. I'll pay double." Dean trembles and nods at the guy._

That's enough now, Sam doesn't need to see the rest.

_I glance beside me and see Sam almost in tears. Before we leave the memory he turns to me and whispers._

_"Thank you Castiel, for healing my brother and showing him the love he deserves but I can't give him."_

We snap back to reality and Dean scrambles away again panting heavily. Sam stands up shakily and pulls me into a bone-crushing hug, but I was distracted by the blond boy sitting underneath the willow with his head between his knees and his hands clasped above his head.

"Take care of him, okay? I've got to go to class." I nod and Sam shoots Dean a worried look before running to class.

"Dean," I say softly, crouching down in front of him. He shudders and I touch his shoulder gently which causes him to flinch violently and whip his head up. There are tears in his eyes and his gaze is frantic as he identifies that it's me. He gently reaches forwards and strokes my face in wonder.

"We need to go to class, will you be alright?" He nods gently and takes a deep breath. I can practically see the mask being formed on his face and soon he opens his eyes and grins at me. I smile back and glance at our interlocked hands, feeling giddy at the fact that Dean liked me back.

"Dean, we should probably keep this on the down-low until the football team relaxes a bit." He frowns but releases my hand. I smile at him and he grins back, I grab his hand anyways and drag him to class.

When we get into the building I drop his hand and he sighs slightly, making my heart flutter. The things this boy made me feel were amazing and terrifying at the same time, I glance at him and roll my eyes which he laughs at. Halfway through his laugh he stops and hugs his torso tightly, grimacing in obvious pain.

I go to help him when a strong body collides with the back of me and I go flying into the locker, slamming my face onto the scuffed doors. I hear a familiar snicker and turn around to see Alistair grinning at me with a cruel gleam in his eyes. I go to stand up when I hear a hiss from next to me, twirling into a defensive position I see Azazel pushing Dean into a locker by pressing on his ribs.

Dean wriggles to try and get away but Azazel just clicks his tongue and squeezes harder, which causes Dean to bite his lip and glanced towards the sky. I start walking towards them when a meaty hand grips my shoulder and spins me around so I'm face to face with the sneering Alistair.

"You boys think you can go against me? I told Dean if he interfered again I'd hurt you...and, well, here we are. You're both, hm, off the team. And your life is, hm, going to be, hm, very painful from now on." He forces a fist into my solar plexus and my knees give out at the radiating pain, I gasp for air and Alistair and Azazel leave.

Dean clutches his ribs and hauls himself up, offering a hand to me. I take it and notice just how freezing his fingers actually are, he pulls me up and we head to class.

"Are you alright, Cas?" I nod at him, trying not to show how much the punch actually hurt me and how much it hurt to breathe. If Dean could deal with all of his injuries I could deal with one tiny bruise.

We enter the classroom to find our usual seats at the back corner taken by the football team and the only empty seats were directly in front of them. Dean pushes past me and takes the seat directly in front of Alistair, shooting a pointed look at the chair next to him, which was in front of Benny.

I shuffle over to my seat and hold back a grin when Benny smiles slightly and offers me a wink. Benny didn't participate in the beating of Dean and he was always the closest to us, so we could trust him. I slump into my seat and gaze intently at the board, the mission was to not look anywhere else the entire lesson.

That lasted maybe twenty minutes. The time it took for Dean to start flinching at the things being physically and verbally thrown at him. I had heard the murmurs throughout the class and I knew they were being said to us but I continued to ignore them until Dean reacted.

"Hey, reject, how are those Daddy issues going? Crowley here says he has a good hit on him." Azazel's slimy voice filled the air accompanied by a metal ruler to the back of Dean's head. Dean flinched and bit his lip, continuing to stare at the board. I took a deep breath and prepared to talk to Dean quietly when Alistair began talking to me.

"You probably didn't know, but Uriel, from your old team? Yeah, he's best buddies with me." I stiffen at Uriel's name and clench my fists tightly.

"Yeah, he told me all about your little 'problems'. How's that anxiety going? Still thinking of drowning yourself in alcohol and drugs?" I clench my jaw and flinch at his words, those were things that I had buried with the past.

At the end of the double lesson, Dean and I ran out of class and straight for the willow.


	10. We Have Each Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We'll get through it Cas. We just have to be strong, can you do that for the next few classes?" He asks softly. The next classes we were separated and I felt dread seep into my bones at the thought. I hug Dean closely and murmur to him.

** Cas' POV **

I storm over to the willow and kick the base of the tree in anger, screaming between my teeth as I drop down. I bury my face in my hands and muffle my screams of pain and anger until a gentle hand grips my shoulder.

I turn around and find Dean there will a sad look on his face and affection in his eyes. I sigh and run a hand through my hair, effectively making it stand on end.

"Is this what it's gonna be like until they find someone else?" I whisper to Dean and he nods. I purse my lips and look skywards, trying to prevent the tears that I knew would come eventually. I feel Dean's hands on the sides of my face and I tilt my head back down to be swept away by his forest green eyes. He leans in and kisses me softly, wrapping an arm around my waist and one through my hair.

He pulls me closer and I deepen the kiss, loving the feeling that it bought. He pulls back and rests his forehead against mine.

"We'll get through it Cas. We just have to be strong, can you do that for the next few classes?" He asks softly. The next classes we were separated and I felt dread seep into my bones at the thought. I hug Dean closely and murmur to him.

"At lunch, we're meeting here and having a serious talk about everything the bullies said and all the bad stuff that happened in our lives. Got it?" If we were going to stay together through this we need to know everything. Dean reluctantly nods and then grins at me, which causes me to frown.

"I have a very serious question for you Cas." He says, his tone joyful. My lips curl into a smile and I reply.

"What would that question be Dean?" He grins at me and holds my hands in his.

"Will you do me the honour of being my boyfriend?" I squeal (a very, manly squeal) and jump into his arms.

"Yes, yes, yes! A thousand times yes!" I giggle uncontrollably and feel butterflies soar in my stomach. The willows swaying leaves seemed to swish in time with my erratic heartbeats andI feel pure joy. Dean just laughs and kisses the tip of my nose before we head off to our separate classes.

He waves goodbye to me and wanders off to engineering while I collect my things for advanced biology. I was stuck with Azazel, who I swear only had this class to learn where to hit to cause more pain. I sit right at the back but unfortunately Azazel walks in and smirks at me as he strides over to my desk.

I glare at him and he plonks down next to me, sighing dramatically as he spreads out his books.

"Ahhh, Castiel. The little angel, so sweet, so pure, how's the anxiety? Is it kicking in yet? Can you feel it crawl up your throat?" I shift uncomfortably in my seat but shoot him a look of boredom in the hopes he didn't realise that my anxiety was kicking in.

"You can can't you? Pity you don't have the high to turn to now, imagine how disappointed daddy would be if that happened. We're gonna make your life hell, kid. Just you wait." I look away and swallow my reply, knowing that this was all to get a rise out of me.

Throughout the whole class and the next one, the football team whispers insulting things when the teachers aren't there. As the day progresses my anxiety worsens and then morphs itself into rolling anger at the football team. Just yesterday morning we were their friends, and now they were trying to ruin our lives.

The words get worse as the day goes on and by the time lunch comes around I'm desperate for Dean, desperate to get away from these jerks. The bell clangs across the school and I bolt before another word can escape the jocks mouths, I throw my books in my locker and hurriedly pull my unusually large lunch out of my bag. I slam my locker shut and sprint for the willow, trying to frantically swallow my tears.

When I reach the tree a push apart the dangling leaves and find Dean already there with his arms open for me.

** Dean's POV **

I knew that I would get some crap for standing up for Sammy, but this was ridiculous. The entire engineering class, I had Alistair partnered with me and whispering insults about me and Cas into my ears. His favourites appeared to be things like.

"Your daddy still thinks you're a failure? Well, he's right."

"Castiel isn't your friend, he's just using you."

"You're a weak ass fool who fails even his brother."

But each word only fueled my anger and I was soon shaking with the urge to knock Alistair's teeth down his throat. This behaviour followed me to the next class and whenever the teachers turned their backs, his words wormed their way towards me.

At the end of class, I scrambled out of the room and sprinted for the willow, leaning heavily against the trunk while I waited for Cas. I was itching for Cas, to hold him, kiss him and just hear his voice. So when he stumbled through the willows branches with teary eyes, I didn't hesitate to open my arms and hug him as he sobbed.

I gently pulled him down with me and he curled up in my lap as I leant against the tree trunk, his head was burrowed into my shoulder and his arms were wrapped tightly around my neck. He sniffles and grabs my hair tightly, pulling my closer until I gasped in pain.

He immediately leant backwards and grabbed my face, studying me for injuries. My stomach flipped at his care and a blush rose to my cheeks as he kissed my nose. He smiles slightly and manoeuvres so he's leaning against the willow's trunk next to me. He then pats his lap and I obediently lay down with my head in his lap, looking up at his sapphire eyes.

He absentmindedly opens his lunch back and frowns at the contents inside it. He pulls out a yellow sticky note and reads it aloud.

"Cas. I noticed that Sam and Dean had a shockingly depleted stock of food, so I packed Dean some lunch as he looked a little pale, please send him my kind regards and invite the brothers over for dinner tonight. Dad." He then proceeds to pull out two containers full of spaghetti and two forks. I sit up quickly and wince at the pain but grin when Cas offers me a container.

I greedily open the container and begin to devour the delicious food, moaning a little at the taste of fresh food. Cas chokes slightly and I look up to see his red face and him biting his lip, I grin and continue eating my food.

I finish in half the time it takes Cas to eat and I decide to lay back down on his legs. He smiles down at me and finishes his lunch, when he's done he packs the containers away and begins playing with my hair.

"So, we need to talk about these comments." He starts and then frowns down at me.

"I'll go first, okay? I have severe anxiety and certain things set it off, like large crowds, people purposely mentioning it and someone yelling at me loudly. At my old school, it got so bad that one night I went to a party and got completely blind." He shudders slightly and I reach up to gently touch his face. He smiles down at me and continues.

"After that night, I realised that the anxiety had gone away and that I could do things without getting nervous. So after that I ruined my body, I smoked, cigarettes and drugs, I drank every week and I was slowly tearing myself apart." He bites his lip and I pull his palm downwards and kiss it gently, rubbing small circles on his hand.

"This continued for about three months until Gabriel came home crying. He managed to talk some sense into me and since then I've been stone cold sober, haven't picked up a substance like that since. Half the reason we moved here was so that I could get a fresh start." He smiles down at me again and nods at me to begin. I frown and he smooths my forehead with a hand.

"Well, the thing that's probably on your mind is the Dad insults, right? Well, remember when I told you my father was either loving or an ass?" He nods down at me and continues to stroke my hair.

"Well, sometimes he comes home sober and is the best father you could wish for, he's interested in our lives and he shows affection. We talk until midnight and play games like a normal family, he doesn't remember the bad stuff he's done. But this dream, this version of my father that I love? Is only about thirty percent of the time." I close my eyes and adjust my position a bit more, which causes Cas to cease stroking my hair and move on to tracing the lines of my face.

"The other seventy percent of the time, he's drunk and can't remember a thing. He becomes our commander, not our father. He's strict, rude and arrogant, he shouts orders at us and expects us to be the perfect little soldiers." I laugh darkly at this.

"I was trained from four years old on how to be a hunter and the most important rule of my life? Protect Sammy." Cas leans down and plants a kiss on my forehead, I smile slightly and continue.

"When he was drunk he almost had zero tolerance or patience, so as a kid I had to learn very quickly and if I didn't..." I trail off and bite my lip.

"If I didn't dad would beat the lesson into me. Sammy was the worst, those two are more similar than they realise and Sammy was always getting on dad's nerves, so I took the hits for him. Obviously, Crowley was watching my dad when he last came home and that's how they know." I sigh and push myself up on one of my elbows, the other arm reaches behind Cas' head and pulls his lips down to mine.

I don't think I could ever get used to this feeling.

** Cas' POV **

I felt a lot better after confessing to Dean.

And I felt simply amazing after he kissed me again.

The lunch bell rings and Dean grumbles against my lips, I laugh lightly and pull us up. We drop hands as we exit the willow and Dean sends a sly wink at me. I laugh again and we walk off to class, the stupid jocks long forgotten.

Until another one of them pushed me into a locker and whispered an insult to me as I hit the floor.

Dean shoots daggers at the boys back while he helps me up, I could tell he was itching to beat the boy senseless but I tug on his elbow. He looks down at me and glances briefly at my lips before licking his own, he shakes his head lightly and we walk to class, but I had butterflies swarming in my stomach from that look.

We sit down in desks made for only two people and the jocks sit around us again, Mr Cain puts on a history movie and the room darkens. I hear the whispered insults begin again and my patience boils thin until something warm slips its way into my hand.

I glance up a Dean shocked and he just grins at me before giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I bite my lip and squeeze back as we turn to watch the movie. The entire time I can feel the heat rise to my cheeks and it almost completely distracts me from the words being hurled at us.

A few times throughout the movie Dean gripped my hand tightly whenever they said something really bad to me and I did the same back. In the end, Dean just continually traced circles onto the back of my hand to calm me down. When the teacher flicked the lights back on we quickly withdrew our hands and I almost cried at the loss of contact, although my hand was slightly warmer without Dean's freezing one in it.

We walk to our lockers side by side and then wander over to Dean's car, where Sam was leaning aginst the passenger door reading a book.

"Hey, Sammy." Dean's gruff voice calls, causing Sam to jump a little.

"You cool if we have dinner at the Novak's tonight?" He nods vigorously and grins at me.

"Yeah, Dean. Besides, I like Cas a lot, he's good for you." Sam laughs as Dean's ears turn red and then slides into the backseat, his eyes gleaming mischievously. I climb into the Impala and Dean grins at me from the driver's seat, as soon as we pull out of the school car park, he grabs my hand and holds it, our fingers intertwining together. I can't help but think they fit perfectly together. I hear a small squeak from behind us and look at Sam, who's grinning like a maniac.

"You guys are the single most adorable thing I've ever seen. Oh my god why did you wait this long to get together?" I blush a dark shade of red and Dean just rolls his eyes, squeezing my hand against his.

We pull into the driveway of my house and dad opens the door before I can reach for the handle.

"Hey, boys! How are you? Come in, come in. Dinner's ready at six and we're having tacos, sound good?" Sam and Dean both grin at my dad and high five him as they walk in the house, Sam bounds upstairs, calling for Gabriel. Before my dad can leave I grab his wrist and whisper in his ear.

"There's something really super important I want to tell you, just stand right here." He nods worriedly as I walk over to Dean and drag him in front of my dad, they both stand there confused. I roll my eyes and wrap my arms around Dean's neck before pulling him in and kissing him passionately in front of my dad, Dean instantly kisses back but pulls away after a second.

He looks warily at my dad and angles us so he's standing closer to my dad. Dad just laughs and pats Dean on the back.

"You two make an adorable couple, just make sure your bedroom door is always open Cas, otherwise you two have to hang out in the loungeroom." Dean turns a vibrant shade of pink and dad just laughs at him.

Everyone we cared about was accepting and I've never felt happier.


	11. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas grins at me from across the table and I feel a foot rub against my calf, I narrow my eyes at him and he pushes against my toes. I smile and push back, it starts off a silent war underneath the table with Cas and I trying very hard not to laugh out loud.

** Dean's POV **

I would rank this dinner as probably one of the best dinners of my life, well, it was in my top ten. Chuck puts three packets of tortillas on the table and everyone just digs in, it takes all my willpower to eat with proper table manners and not just stuff my face with an abundance of the delicious food.

Cas grins at me from across the table and I feel a foot rub against my calf, I narrow my eyes at him and he pushes against my toes. I smile and push back, it starts off a silent war underneath the table with Cas and I trying very hard not to laugh out loud.

Cas glares at me as I go to bite my taco and kicks my shin, which causes me flinch and I end up sticking the taco into my face. This is it for Cas and he bursts out laughing at my stunned expression and taco juice running down my face. I place the taco down and reach for a napkin to wipe the meat off my face and Cas pushes his chair back so he can lean forward in laughter.

I try to glare at him and be angry.

"I have taco filling up my nose because of you!" Cas just laughs even harder and I notice Sam, Chuck, and all his siblings trying not to laugh as well. I smile evilly and stand up slowly, I make my way over to an unsuspecting Cas. He was still doubled over in laughter and I pull his chin up, stopping his laughter effectively. I grin at him and kiss him, smearing taco filling all over his face, he tries to push back and I move away a bit before I wipe my hand down my face and put in Cas' hair.

He stares open-mouthed at me and I begin laughing again, this seems to cause a chain reaction and soon everyone is in hysterics. He frowns at me and slowly wipes the dripping taco juice off his face, he then gets up very quietly and I start to back away. Lucifer ooh's dramatically and I see Gabriel cover his mouth with a hand to stop the laughter threatening to spill over his lips.

I bump into the corner of the table and quickly manoeuvre around it, trying to keep it between me and the creepy grin on Cas' face. Chuck leans back in his chair and raises an eyebrow, doing nothing to stop Cas' slow approach.

"Uhh, Cas? I'm sorry? Really, really, super duper sorry, please don't do whatever you're about to do." He just smirks and I start to worry about what he's gonna do. Sammy giggles next to Gabe and Cas lunges forwards, his hands outstretched.

Before I know whats happening he's sitting on my stomach and running his hands along my sides, causing me to laugh. He ontinues to ickle me as I gasp for air, tears streaming down my face and laughter bubbling from my throat.

He grins triumphantly and stops the onslaught of tickles for a second.

"Do you yield, fine sir?" He asks mockingly. I wriggle underneath him and reply in the same tone.

"Never, good man!" He then laughs and leans down to tickle me again. I end up yelling for him to stop as I profusely apologise. He stops tickling me and I groan at the aftermath of so much laughter.

"I didn't quite catch that, Dean. Could you repeat it?"

"Fine, fine! I'm sorry, Castiel for wiping taco juice in your hair."

"A little louder, please?" He grins at me and I groan.

"Dammit, Cas! I deeply apologise for doing the funniest thing of the evening." He just laughs and leans in to kiss me. He then rolls off and I stick my tongue out at him, a warm feeling in my chest as I watch him high five Lucifer and sit down again.

* * * *

I lean against the door frame of his house and smirk as he fumbles over his words.

"I had a great, I mean, tonight was, I uh. Thanks for tonight, I mean, I had lot's of fun and um." I chuckle and lean forward, pressing my lips to his.

"Yes, I'll come back next week." He smiles gratefully at me before wrapping me in a hug, I hug him back, trying to savour the warmth that always accompanied him. He giggles and pulls away, giving me a quick peck on the lips before spinning around and leaving me with a chick flick worthy smile on my face.

The smile slips as Chuck walks up to the door and stands in front of me. I straighten my back and lower my chin a bit, almost stumbling when he laughs.

"Thank you, Dean. You don't even realise what you've done but Castiel is so much happier whenever you're around. Just, don't break his heart, okay?" I nod and he ruffles my hair.

"See ya tomorrow, Dean" I smile at him and climb into the Impala, smiling at Sammy's sleeping form leaning against the window. I drive down the street and open the motel door before coming back and picking up Sammy.

I carry him to his bed and take off his shoes and jacket before tucking him in and smoothing the hair off his forehead.

"Sweet dreams, Sammy." He smiles in his sleep and rolls over, leaving me to wander off to my room and fall asleep the second my head hits the pillow.

** Cas' POV **

I wake up before my alarm and lie in the warmth of my bed before it goes off. I sigh and push a foot out of the covers, shivering when it encounters freezing air. I groan and heave myself out of bed, shaking from the cold and hugging myself to keep some warmth.

I walk over to my wardrobe and pick out today's outfit, feeling slightly silly as I realize I want to impress Dean a bit more. I pull out my black jeans and baggy jumper with the Twenty One Pilots symbol printed across it. I put a singlet on, then a shirt, then my jumper, to top the outfit off I place my navy blue beenie on my head and my black and red converse on.

I stumble downstairs, still shivering slightly and make myself pancakes, cooking an extra two serves for the Winchesters. I just finish mine when I hear a car horn from outside, not just any car horn, the Impala's.

I race outside grinning and almost yelp when I step into the cold, I stumble into the car and groan at the warmth inside it.

"Morning Cas. You ready for today?" Dean asks gently, I close my eyes and groan again, shoving the container full of pancakes at him.

"Eat," I order him.

"And no. I'm not ready but I'll fake it till I make it. How are you, Sam? Have you had breakfast?" He smiles sleepily at me and nods.

"Good, Dean, here's your second serve of pancakes, eat up." I see Sam's grateful expression in the rear view mirror and Dean's eye roll out of the corner of my eye. I chat to Sam about books as we drive to school and Dean eats his maple covered pancakes with a barely controlled hunger. We pull in and Sam runs off to his friends while Dean finishes his pancakes.

"Jesus, Dean. That was almost thirty pancakes!" He shrugs slightly and guiltily looks at his hands.

"I was hungry." He mumbles. I feel almost powerless as a scared look crosses his face automatically.

"Next time you're hungry, text me and I'll bring food." I declare as we get out of the car. I once again notice the absense of his jacket and I pull a spare out of my bag, handing it to him.

"It's a bit baggy on me, so you can keep it." He gazes at it in wonder and then looks back up at me with gratitude in every line of his face.

"I could kiss you right now Cas but we're in public. I'll do it when we're alone." He pulls the jumper on at it fits, it's even a little big on him. Black, with ACDC splashed in red across the front, perfect for him. He snuggles into it and shoves his hands in the pockets, proabably trying to warm them. I smile slightly at the sight of him in a big jumper.

We turn and face the daunting day ahead of us.

As per usual we collect our books and head to homeroom, only to be stopped by Alistair. He shoves me back against a locker and my spine collides with someones lock, causing me to cry out in pain. Dean strides forwards as Alistair pulls his hand back but Azazel kicks the back of his knee and he drops to the floor.

Alistair sneers and my heart plummets to my feet as he pulls his arm back and his fist connects with my cheek. I fall to the ground cupping my cheek and look up just in time for Azazel to do the same thing to Dean's healing face. Dean flinches but doesn't move, instead he spits in Azazels face. Azazel just laughs and swaggers off with Alistair.

Dean hurries over to me and helps me up.

"Do you want to get an ice pack?" He whispers while evaluating my face. I shake my head and he leads me to class. Where the same routine as yesterday continues.

This exact same thing occurs everyday. We walk in, get pushed over or bumped into by a jock, go to class and have insults and object thrown at us, find refuge at lunch near the willow just outside of school boundaries with eachother, and then go home. Two weeks, this continues, two weeks it takes for me to break.

* * * *

I get out of Dean's car silently and walk into the house, slamming the door behind me, tears already burning my eyes. I knew ignoring him had hurt Dean but right now I didn't need to snap at him. I walk into the kitchen and write a note my dad, I'll be back at some point tonight, don't worry.

I see him briefly as I storm out of the house and he frowns worridely, going to follow me. I sprint out the front door and run down the street, ignoring my fathers pleas for me to come back. Two weeks, two whole weeks of abuse every day. I was beyond pissed now, I was a ball of writhing black hatred and I need to get rid of it somehow.

I use my anger to fuel my legs as I sprint for the school boundary and run straight to the willow. At this point tears are pouring down my face and my insides are twisting themselves together in a sick dance of hate. I face the willows trunk and scream, rearing my hand back and punching it. Hard.

My hand throbs in protest but the anger continues to boil insise me, causing me to raise another fist and smash it into the trunk, visuallizing the football teams faces. I continue to take my anger out the willows trunk, bits of bark flying everywhere and I feel the skin over my knuckles breaking.

Two weeks and I still couldn't call Dean mine in public. It was driving my crazy. The words had taken their toll on me and now I was screaming in rage and pure hate.

I continue to pound into the trunk as my screams of anger turn into sobs of fear, I slow my punches down and continue to sob. I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to see Dean behind me, I lean into his touch and he holds me under the willow as I cry.

** Dean's POV **

I had just set up my homework for my night off work when my cellphone started ringing. Sighing I pick it up and frown when I see the contact.

"Mr. Novak? What can I do for you?"

"Dean? Oh thank- Cas just ran out of the house crying and I have no idea where to look. He left a note saying not to worry and he'd be back but now I'm worrying and I don't know where he is and-"

"Slow down Mr. Novak. Take a deep breath, I'll go look for him in a few places and I'll call you if I do or don't find him, okay?" I hear a shaky breath from the other end.

"Thank you, Dean. Please find my son." I hang up and rub my eyes. Where could Cas have gone? The first two places to pop up in my mind are the willow and the milkshake bar.

"Sammy, are you okay alone for a bit? Or would you like to come? I've got to find Cas." I wring my hands nervously and Sammy shouts back his reply. I race to the Impala and speed off to school. When I get there I hear a scream from the willow and I hastily park the car before sprinting to Cas' screams.

I push through the willow leaves and see him repeatedly punching a tree, his screams turning into sobs. My heart breaks at the sound and the realization that he wasn't coping very well with the bullying. I touch his shoulder and he turns around, his blue eyes bloodshot and his cheeks red and puffy. I look down at his hand briefly and see the blood pouring from his knuckles before he sags into my arms.

I grip his tightly and rub his back, murmuring soothing words as he cries into my shoulder, this seemed to happen a lot. He tightly grips the fabric of the jumper I'm wearing between his fingers and pushes his head into my shoulder. Two weeks he's been bottling up these emotions, two weeks and he's finally snapped.

He pulls back after about five minutes and wipes his eyes on his jumper sleeve, wincing when his bleeding knuckles rub against the fabric. I wrap an arm around shoulders and pull him up, guiding him towards the Impala.

He sits sown inside it and I rumage around in the glovebox to pull out the first aid kit. I begin to dress his wounds and when that's done I gently kiss each knuckle ending with a kiss on his lips, slow and soft.

He smiles against my mouth and sighs.

"Come on Cas. Let's bring you home." He nods rejectedly and I drive him home. When we pull into his driveway, I run around the car to open his door and I wrap my arm around him again. He smiles weakly and snuggles into my body, I smile at him and knock on the door. It flies open to reveal a dishiveled Chuck followed by the rest of Cas' family.

Chuck lets out a breath of relief and pulls Cas into a firm hug before sending him inside. I smile and give him a kiss before Chuck pulls me in for a hug as well, I gently hug back and he mumbles his thanks before shuffling back inside.

I climb back into the car and think about how distressed his family was. I begin to drive home and realize that they thought his anxiety came back and he went to get drunk or high. I worry about Cas the whole way home and don't think about anything else until I've locked the front door and walk into the lounge room where I freeze.

Sammy is sitting stifly on the couch, his expression fearful as he avoids my gaze, next to him is John. I sniff my surrounding slightly and smell whiskey, I glance back and Sammy and he nods his head slightly, it was our conformation code. I nod back slightly and straighten my back, holding my chin high and staring at a blank spot on the wall across from me.

I school my face into neutrality but inside I was a nervous wreck, my palms were sweaty and my heart was thumping wilding. Not the thumping that followed Cas but the thumping of fear. My father raises himself off the couch and starts circling me, something he does before a lecture.

"I come home, expecting a cold beer and both sons. What do I find instead, hm?" He begins softly, his voice laced with malice. As he moves behind me I look at Sammy and see his petrified expression, I jerk my head quickly to the door and he nods in understanding. If dad threw a hit, scram and leave me.

"I FIND SAM ALONE! NO BIG BROTHER WATCHING OVER HIM! HE COULD HAVE DIED, HE COULD HAE BEEN KIDNAPPED! BUT NO!" He yells and I flinch slightly, still staring directly ahead.

"No." he whispers.

"Instead I see my own son, kissing another boy over the protection of his brother. I couldn't give a damn who you kiss as long as it doesn't interfere with Sam!" He rears his arm back and slaps me across the face, snapping my head sideways and causing me to clench my jaw.

I move my head back to position and nod at Sammy, who slips out of the room. whenever dad's drunk he has a shorter temper and is easy to infuriate.

"See that Dean? Even Sam doesn't want to see you." He sneers and punches my ribs causing me to double over in the pain lancing across my chest. He then grabs the back of my head and pulls it down onto his raised knee. My cheekbone collides with his kneecap and I drop to the floor.

"You're a failure Dean. You can't even protect your brother." I close my eyes at his words and that just makes him angrier.

"Look at me, bitch!" I open my eyes and see him clicking out a pocket knife. I swallow the lump in my throat, he's only ever pulled that out about seven times in my life, and none of those were good.


	12. What Happened?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Never leave Sam alone, understood?" He pulls his fist back and it collides with my exposed ribs again.

** Deans POV **

Groaning, I heave myself out of bed and change clothes, I fell asleep in mine last night and the pants are covered in blood. The shirts fine because it's black, the blood doesn't show on it and I can't bring myself to move it.

_He brings the knife closer to me and I flinch away from it, which makes him laugh. I wish he would stop drinking, the kind John was becoming less and less frequent as I got older._

_"You need to learn why you shouldn't leave Sam alone." He jerks the knife downwards and it embeds itself in my thigh, ripping a scared scream from my throat. I feel the fear seep through every part of my body as he cackles and pulls the knife out. He wipes it on the carpet and I reach forward and apply pressure to the bleeding wound, slightly hysterical. He just smirks and squats down in front of me, punching my ribs and pulling me into him as some sort of twisted hug._

I shake my head at the memory and tip toe downstairs, quietly making breakfast for Sammy. The usual morning routine, except this time I had to avoid passing out.

_He holds me close and drags the knife down my rib cage, pulling a muffled cry from me. I squeeze my eyes shut as he makes an identical cut on the opposite side. He laughs in my ear and twists the end of the knife into my sternum before he slams me into the floor and flips me into my stomach._

_He sways drunkenly as he sits on my back and pulls up my shirt, I move my arms to push off but he leans forward and holds them still with one hand. Even though he was older than me he was a lot stronger. I try to picture the kindness in his eyes that he used to have, but all I can see is the burning hatred and haze that covered his eyes, sealing them off from reality._

I shudder and gently touch the still bleeding wounds on my torso, I hadn't told Sammy about them so they weren't bandaged. I would have to do that at school. I turn the pan on, spraying it with oil for pancakes.

_He laughs wickedly and lightly traces the muscles of my back with the knife before drunkenly giggling as he digs it into my shoulder, pulling it down and making a short line. He giggles again and hiccups before taking a cushion and shoving it in my mouth, not enough that I couldn't breathe but enough to muffle my screams._

_I try to wriggle away but he digs the knife in again next to the last mark and begins carving lines of fire across my right shoulder blade. He then stumbles upwards and holds a hand against the wall for support. I lie dead still, crying into the cushion silently, in too much physical and emotional pain to move. I feel terrified and worthless as I wait for the next attack from the man that was once my father._

I pour the batter into the pan and watch as it bubbles, signifying that it needs to be flipped. I turn the pancake over ad barely register that it's cooked exactly the way Sammy likes it.

_He giggles again before stumbling back and flipping me over, pushing my shoulder into the floor and tearing the cushion away. I let out a scream of pain before he unbuckles my belt and shoves that in my mouth instead. Pure fear courses through my brain as I try to understand why I can't fight back and why he can still do this to me, to Sammy._

_"Never leave Sam alone, understood?" He pulls his fist back and it collides with my exposed ribs again._

_And again._

_And again._

I murmur good morning to Sammy as he shuffles into the kitchen and plops onto one of the chairs with a groan. I quickly look at him and decide he's probably just tired and stressed from last night. Sammy knew what dad could do and was probably surprised at how little he had done. Well, that's because he only saw my face and leg, not my torso.

_I lay on the floor bleeding as dad mutters about needed a beer and then stumbles out of the house. He wouldn't remember this tomorrow._

_I glance down and purse my lips at the blood running down my torso. I had to cover this before Sammy saw it, I reach for my shirt and manage to get it on without crying, and just in time too. Sammy scrambles into the room and kneels next to me, grabbing my face gently and wiping the blood from my nose away with the first aid supplies._

I flip the last pancake onto his plate and place it before him, ruffling his hair as he grins at me. Hiding my injuries is worth it, just to see him smile.

_After Sammy patches up my face and thigh he drags me to bed and it takes all my willpower to not cry out every time he touches my torso, but he can't know, no one can._

_I fall onto the sheets and promptly pass out. Sapphire eyes bring me enough comfort to push away the nightmares and sleep peacefully._

"Come on Sammy, we gotta pick up Cas," I say, my voice dull and hollow in the effort not to sink to the floor. He nods carefully and we make our way to Cas' house, with Sammy peering carefully at my face the whole time.

"You can hardly see the bruise, Dean! That's great! But why are you so sad?" I sigh and smile at him. Trying to mask the pain I was in.

"I'm worried about Cas, he hurt his hands real bad yesterday and I want to know if he's okay." That was true at least, I was worried about Cas' breakdown last night. Sammy nods understandingly and I press the car horn outside Cas' house, my mood lifting the second I see him.

"Morning Angel." I grin at him as he climbs into the car. He squints his eyes and tilts his head, the position of sarcasm as I call it.

"Good Morning human." I grin and roll my eyes, shifting in my seat to avoid the rubbing of fabric against open wounds. He grins at me and winks, which causes Sammy to laugh in the backseat. Cas is amazing, he can make Sammy laugh after a night like that, I was so lucky to call him mine.

"Ha ha, Cas, very funny. How are the hands?" He waves two bandaged hands in front of my face and I have to tilt my torso to see the road. He explains the injury as I try not to scream at the fact that the shirt just pushed against the wounds.

"Well, the doctor said that there's nothing broken and I don't need stitches, I just need to take some pain medication and keep these bandaged." He smiles and touches his knuckles lightly.

"I also have some proper medication for my anxiety so I can control it. I take one tablet before school and that's it, I won't have an anxiety attack." He grins proudly and I can't help but grin back, pulled in my his infectious smile. My body thrums with pain but on the outside, I knew I had to hide this from Sammy, but I didn't know if I could hide it from Cas.

We pull into the car park and Sammy opens the door but hesitates before going out.

"Be careful Dean, take care of yourself for once." I roll my eyes and shoo him out the door before climbing out of my own, swallowing a wince.

** Cas' POV **

Why would Sam say that? Be careful, Dean's always careful, so why is today different? I shrug it off and walk around to Dean, casually walking next to him when all I wanted to do was kiss him. I bite my lip and turn my head to see Dean staring at my lips, I curl my mouth into a smile and he blushes lightly, highlighting a smudge on his face.

My heart plummets and I grab his wrist, leading him to the bathroom next to the janitors closet. That was a bruise on his face and I wasn't there when he got it, I look back in worry and see him with a clenched jaw and a gaze fixed on the floor in pain.

Another member of the football team bumps into Dean and he goes stumbling, grimacing in pain. I'm the only thing keeping him upright from that hit and last nights anger rises again but I force it down and grab a sign from the janitors closet. I put the out of order sign in front of the boy's toilet and drag Dean inside.

I push his chest so he falls against the sink, grabbing it to stay upright as his face pales. I growl at him to stay and slip back into the janitors closet to grab the first aid kit before going back into the toilets, locking the door behind me.

I spin around to face him and he's sitting on the bench next to the sink with his head bowed and his hands in his lap. My stomach flips at the sight and a push him chin upwards so he was face to face with me, but he averts his eyes and instead stares at the floor, I keep staring at him until he looks at me and my heart almost leaps out of my chest. His green eyes were shining, wide and pleading.

"Please Cas, let me deal with it. Go to class." He whispers and that finalises my decision.

"Who, what, when, where, why and how. Go" I whisper harshly at him, scared that more than a whisper and he'd close himself off. His brows furrow together and he looks confused.

"Who did it? What did they do? When did they do it? Where did they do it? Why did they do it? And how did they do it? Oh, and show me as well." He swallows nervously and wrings his hands together.

"Please Cas, just go to cl-" I press my lips to his briefly to shut him up and then move so I can sit on the bench next to him while he explains. He sighs and closes his eyes. When he speaks his voice is hollow and monotone.

"My dad did it. He hit me a couple of times, nothing serious. He did it last night at home because I left Sammy alone." He pauses briefly after saying that, almost like there was more to the sentence.

"He just hit me, that's how he did it." I rub my face with my hands and sigh. My stomach dropping even more when he shifts and tries to hide his grimace. Frowning I reach out and lightly touch the side of his torso, he jerks backward and hisses in pain, but I'm too busy staring at my hand, which had a smear of blood on it.

"Dean, shirt off. Now." I demand. He gulps and looks at the floor with a blush on his cheeks, he mumbles something unintelligible and rubs the back of his neck. I slide off the bench and stand in front of him, so I'm between his legs, then I cross my arms and glare at him. Using the anger to mask the rolling fear inside my chest.

"I-I can't take it off, C-Cas. The m-movement hurts t-to much." He stumbles over his words and his ears burn red, this was Dean Winchester for 'I need help'. I grip the end of his shirt and he nods before holding his arms in front of him, I frown, if he couldn't hold them above his head it had to be bad.

It was bad.

I slide his shirt off as gently as possible and gasp loudly at the blood that was drying on his torso, he had two lines down each side of his ribcage with a small one across his sternum. The lines down his side were still bleeding a little bit and underneath the blood lines, I noticed a few dark bruises.

"Oh, Dean." I breathe, running a hand down his chest, tears springing to my eyes. I shake my head and stare him dead in the eyes.

"I'm going to clean this, then you're turning around and I'm cleaning whatever's on your back. Then we are talking to my father, whether you like it or not." He grips my wrists at that.

"Please Cas, don't tell your dad. I tried that, hell I've tried everything to get Sammy out of there but our dad always finds us. I told one of Sammy's friend's mother once and we got away, we were put up for adoption together and everything looked great until our father came in. He was sober and mortified that his sons were in an orphanage and he immediately broke us out, then he got drunk that night and it was awful. The things he did..." Dean trails off and shudders.

"Okay, okay. I won't tell my dad, but you are welcome at my house at any point, for as many sleepovers as you need." At this Dean leans forwards and kisses me sweetly. I kiss him back then motion for him to move so I could clean his still bleeding wounds.

I hear the bell chime in the distance and completely ignore it, instead, I start cleaning the blood off Dean. It takes about ten minutes of scrubbing until his stomach is clean and his wounds have been sterilized. I motion for him to turn around and he shakes his head.

"I can't do that to you Cas, I just can't," I growl and force him to turn around almost crying when I see his back. Across his right shoulder blade is a word angrily carved into his skin, the lines harsh and straight. His shoulders hunch forward and his small whispers carry over his shoulder.

"What does it say, Cas? My dad didn't tell me." I shudder and begin cleaning the disgusting word.

"I-it says...it says faggot." Dean stiffens and I demand an explanation.

"Cas, last night when I came to get you I left Sammy alone. When I got home my dad was pissed and he said something along the lines of 'you ditched Sam to kiss a boy, I don't give a damn who you kiss as long as it doesn't interfere with Sam'." He takes a shuddering breath and tenses when I clean out the wound, when I'm done I bandage everything up and kiss along every wound, finishing on the bruise on his face before moving down to his lips.

He pulls me closer and holds my back as we kiss and I smile into his mouth. We pull away happy and head off to class to face the bullies again, but with Dean by my side, nothing could go wrong.

How very wrong I was.


	13. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We slow dance to Elvis, his breath tickling my ear as he sings softly. I bite my lip and sigh, relaxing fully into his arms, letting his words wask over me, and when the song ends I pull him in for a kiss.

** Cas' POV **

I walk up behind Dean and hug him softly, he turns around and smiles when I kiss him. He leans back onto the trunk of the willow and I pull back from the kiss, resting my forehead on his.

"Go on a date with me. A real, proper date." I blurt out spontaneously, caught up in the feel of the moment. He grins at me and nods, his cheeks tingeing themselves red.

"Tonight, pick me up at six and you can drive us to your surprise date." He just laughs and pokes my nose.

"I have to drive to my date, wow, classy Cas." I roll my eyes and kiss him gently again, savoring the feel of fireworks before we have to leave. My mind begins to tick off date ideas until I come up with the perfect one, I grin and we leave the school.

** Deans POV **

I can't wipe this cheesy grin off my face.

The second Cas asked me on a date, my stomach soared and I actually felt my knees go weak, I'm having trouble concentrating on anything right now. I pack up my homework with a groan, deciding that a combination of a Friday night and a date was a perfect excuse to ditch the brain boredom.

I look at the star-shaped clock on the wall and sigh when I see the hands pointing to 4:28. I still had an hour and thirty-two minutes until I had to be at Cas' house. I stumble off the kitchen chair and wander around the motel room, humming to myself as I tidied up the rooms.

I start in the kitchen, scrubbing all the dishes and all the surfaces, humming songs from Metallica's albums. By the time the kitchen is sparkling clean I'm singing quietly along to the songs.

I move into the lounge room and scrub the floor from last night, I also wipe the surfaces down and walk over to my room. As I pick up all the stuff on my floor I start singing loudly, dancing to myself as I tidy up my desk, I dance over to my wardrobe and begin sorting my clothes, making sure everything is perfect.

I hear a chiming noise from behind me and stop my mini concert to face Sammy, holding his phone and grinning.

"What did you do, Sammy?" I ask cautiously. He just throws his phone at me with a smirk. I look at the screen and blush profusely, it was a video of me dancing as I sang 'Enter Sandman'.

"Look who I sent it to." My heart drops and I look at his texts, groaning when I see Cas' name as the contact. I scroll down and see his text back.

_HE CAN SING TOO?!?! GODDAMMIT SAM!!_

Then another one follows.

_Actually, this is really good ammo._

I groan again and toss him his phone, lightly hitting his head as I walk back to the kitchen. I look at the clock and gag, 5:57?!? I race back to my room and put on some clean clothes, a non-worn pair of pants and a deep red flannel. I run out to the car, yelling at Sammy to stay safe and speed down the road.

I pull into Cas' driveway to see him wearing his favourite black pants and tan trench coat. He grins when I pull in and then races into the car, instantly weaving his hand into mine.

"I can't believe your late, Winchester. Now drive me to the woods, ten minutes east." I roll my eyes and mutter under my breath about impatient boyfriends, causing Cas to grin again.

I drive towards the woods and park just outside them, climbing out of the Impala with Cas. Cas walks over and puts a blindfold on my eyes, effectively shutting out the pale light from the setting sun.

"Quit whining Dean, it's only for a minute." I huff and reluctantly let him lead me into the forest, my hands shaking and my stomach doing flips on itself. We walk for about two minutes before he pulls me to a stop, letting the blindfold fall.

My breath leaves my body as I survey the area. It was a small clearing with fairy lights strung up in the trees, and right in the middle was a large mattress covered in blankets and pillows. I cover my mouth with a hand to cover my huge smile. I walk over to the matress and see a radio next to a large basket filled with food.

"Well, Dean, let's have dinner shall we?" I nod slowly and we both snuggle into the mattress, turning the radio onto an old station. We eat dinner and laugh together, the fairy lights becoming brighter as the sun went down and my smile becoming bigger the later the time got.

An old Elvis song comes on and I stand up, offering my shaking hand to Cas. He stands next to me and I rub the back of my neck.

"I can dig Elvis, you?" He nods, a slow smile spreading across his face. I smile softly back and bow to him, holding out my hand.

"May I have this dance, fine sir?" He giggles and bows back, taking my hand in his.

"Of course, young gentleman." I smile at him and pull him close, holding my arms around his waist as he leans his head on my shoulder. I smile and put my lips next to his ears, softly singing along to the words of the song.

_Wise men say_   
_Only fools rush in_   
_But I can't help falling in love with you_   
_Shall I stay?_   
_Would it be a sin_   
_If I can't help falling in love with you?_

_Like a river flows_   
_Surely to the sea_   
_Darling, so it goes_   
_Some things are meant to be_   
_Take my hand,_   
_Take my whole life, too_   
_For I can't help falling in love with you_

_Like a river flows_   
_Surely to the sea_   
_Darling, so it goes_   
_Some things are meant to be_   
_Take my hand,_   
_Take my whole life, too_   
_For I can't help falling in love with you_   
_For I can't help falling in love with you_

I finish singing into his ear and he grabs the back of my neck, pulling me down for a kiss.

And fireworks erupt in my chest.

** Cas' POV **

We slow dance to Elvis, his breath tickling my ear as he sings softly. I bite my lip and sigh, relaxing fully into his arms, letting his words wask over me, and when the song ends I pull him in for a kiss.

And it feels like fireworks.

We laugh awkwardly and Dean rests his forehead on mine, staring into my eyes. He bites his lip and softly whispers to me.

"I can't help falling in love, Cas. With you." I smile softly and kiss his nose.

"I can't help falling in love with you either, Dean Winchester. What a pair we make." What a pair indeed, the best friends, the broken boy and the fixer, the ones who had found love against all odds.  
  
  


And I loved every second of our story.


	14. Demons Come Out To Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because her hand was down Dean's pants and I couldn't do a thing about it.

**Cas' POV**

The next week we walk into class and sit in our usual seats, but this time the captain of the cheerleading team, Abbadon Knightly, sat directly next to Dean. Dean smiles lazily at me and completely ignores her, instead choosing to work the questions out with me. I smile back and raise an eyebrow, to which he just replies back with a shrug. His wounds had healed almost completely but he was still sore and sensitive whenever someone touched them.

Abbadon huffs and touches Dean's elbow, I see his eyes widen and then his face smooths into a mask once again. He turns around and I watch carefully, yes I was being overprotective but Abbadon had just about been with every guy in the school. Abbadon leans forward, giving us the perfect view of her chest and then twirls her fiery red hair around her manicured nails.

Dean coughs and shifts uncomfortably under her appraising gaze, he looks incredibly awkward and I realize that this look was what he saw before he earned quick cash. She bites her lip seductively and leans in close to Dean's ear, but ends up almost standing over him as he shuffles backward. I almost laugh at the situation, Abbadon completely standing over Dean with a hand on his chest and Dean wide-eyed underneath her, his gaze dancing between my eyes and her hand.

She leans in right next to Dean's ear and begins whispering while staring directly at me, her words cause Dean to pale and then blush angrily as he shoves her back and sits up. He straightens his leather jacket and glares at her.

"Never, bitch. Leave us alone." He snarls at her, which causes her to just laugh lightly and wink at him. He spins around and leans closer to me, looking straight down at the questions. I take the hint and begin answering them while we have a whispered conversation.

"What on earth did she say to have that reaction?"

"Someday, I'm gonna get in your pants and there's nothing your boy toy can do about it." He growls quietly and my eyes widen before I cover my mouth to stop the laughter. He frowns at me.

"Whats so funny?" 

"That two years ago you would've accepted and now your blushing so hard I could fry an egg on your face." I giggle into my hand and Dean just rolls his eyes at my antics. He leans closer to point at one of my questions and I blush as his hand touches the inside of my leg, he leans back grinning before whispering back,

"Who's blushing now?" I glare at him and we continue the lesson with hushed conversation. The feeling of elation in my chest slowly disappears at the jocks words continue and I try to block them out until Crowley whispers something to both of us.

"Wait until after school, boys." Followed by the football teams quiet laughter. I look over at Dean and see him clenching his fists so tightly that his knuckles were white and his eyes shooting daggers at the board. I clench my jaw and race out of the classroom the second the end of school bell rings, running straight for the willow.

The cool air bites at my nose but I needed the privacy with Dean as Abbadons and the football teams words bounce around in my head. I reach the willow before Dean and the second he races in after me I grab his face and crash my lips into his, needing to feel him. He kisses back with the same desperation and the rest of the world slips away into nothing, until its just us. 

He runs a hand through my hair and traces the line of skin showing between my pants and shirt. I caress his face with one of my hands and weave my fingers through his hair, he moans slightly into my mouth and I push him into the trunk of the tree, briefly pulling back to growl at him.

"You're mine Dean Winchester, not Abbadons, not anyone else's. Mine." He grins at my words and I begin kissing him again, letting all the pent up frustration show through my actions and Dean does the same. We silently comfort each other until we hear a rustling of leaves and a shout.

"I found 'em! And you won't believe what I walked in on!" We freeze at Alistair's voice and turn to face him, our faces flushed and our lips were swollen. The rest of the football team enters the willows sanctuary with Abbadon, she sighs as she walks in and clicks her fingers, pointing towards us.

**Dean's POV**

The football team rushes at us and before we can even begin to fight back there are five guys holding each of us up in the air. I struggle and open my mouth to scream for help when they force a gag into my mouth, I frantically search for Cas and find him in the same position as me. He looks at me with tears in his eyes and erratic breathing, I just want to comfort him but I can't.

The football team silently take us to the locker rooms, making sure no one sees us. They drag us inside and throw us onto the floor, quickly tieing our hands up, I shuffle over to Cas and make sure he's okay. He sobs as large hands grab me and force me against a wall.

I struggle as Alistair and Azazel walk up to Cas and grab his chin.

"Hmm, come on boys. Who should we do what to?" Alistair's nasally voice crawls through the air and sends goosebumps up my arms.

"Normally, we would leave people like you after about a week, so it's unusual to keep at it for a month. No, hm, we, hmm, it's a combination of the things you've done. Cassie, you've hurt a lot of people at your old school, and Dean. Dean, Dean, Dean, you've done a lot of bad. You need to pay." He laughs and the rest of the football team follows.

I scream at him through my gag and struggle to get to Cas, who was sobbing through his gag on the floor, a petrified look on his face. Alistair stands up with Azazel and the both kick Cas in the side, causing him to cry into the gag and hunch over of his knees, his arms pulled back behind him. Alistair laughs and kicks him again, the heavy sound of steel cap boots hitting flesh resonating through the air.

Azazel laughs at the noise and kicks Cas' face, causing him to fly onto his back. they pull their feet back again and I scream, pushing myself off the wall to try and get to Cas. Cas looks over at me with pleading eyes and I start crying, desperate to save him. I struggle again and Abbadon walks into my line of vision.

"Calm down, Dean. You'll have your turn next. Just something...different." She winks and my heart sinks as Cas screams into the gag again. I sag down into the arms to the people holding me up and Alistair and Azazel briefly pause kicking Cas for a minute. I stare at his twitching figure and scream again when he try to curl into a ball.

The football team surrounds us and I feel the breath leaving my lungs as all their eyes turn black. Cas cries out and tries to shuffle away when one of the bigger jocks stands on his ankle, I hear a loud crack and Cas sags, his eyes rolling into the back of his head.

I struggle again and again as the team continues to hit an unconscious Cas, three cracks following their actions. My heart is racing and tears are blurring my vision, demons, demons were beating up my boyfriend because of what my father does.

They eventually stop and move back, their black eyes gleaming in the dim light. I sag down when I see Cas, his face bleeding and his body in an awkward position. Abbadon laughs as the football team force me to sit on one of the benches. She swings a leg around and sits on my lap, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

"Oh, Dean. You make a girl think very naughty things." She giggles, playing with the edge of her blue dress. I widen my eyes and try to throw her off but one of the jock presses a thumb into the word carved on my shoulder. I squeeze my eye shut and Abbadon gets off my lap, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Well, we have all night, so were gonna wait till Cassie wakes up. Then it's your turn, Dean." I swallow nervously and watch my boyfriend worriedly, waiting with baited breath every time he breathes out. 

We sit there for about half an hour before Cas groan. I sit up straight and stare wide-eyed at him, my heart thumping. He opens his good eye and it immediately fixes on me, I try to warn him with my eyes but he just frowns at me.

I understand what he's asking and I just subtly shake my head, they haven't done anything yet. Alistair laughs and drags Cas upwards, sitting him on the bench opposite me, facing the stand alone lockers. I had my back to the lockers in the middle. Abbadon laughs and begins talking.

"You know the best part about hurting you two? I hurt one of you, and it hurts the other one as well! That little beating that just happened, that hurt Dean as well." She laughs hysterically again before pointing a finger in my face.

"You, you killed my daughter, you know that? The demon in Mississippi? That was her." My heart sinks and I notice Cas' eyes widen.

"But your face is too pretty to ruin, so why not have some fun?" My stomach plummets to the floor and she removes my gag kisses me.

**Cas' POV**

Through the haze of pain, I listen to what Abbadon was saying. I had encountered demons before, me being descended from an angel and all, but I'd never met one who wanted specific revenge. They all just generally wanted world domination, not revenge on one human, but Dean had killed her daughter.

Then she kisses him and my heart stops. Dean stiffens and tries to pull back but the demons behind him keep his head and shoulders still. He squirms in his chair and Abbadon pulls back, running a hand through his hair.

I feel the familiar boil of anger and the new pang of jealousy erupt in my stomach. I try to wriggle away but the movement sends pain shooting up and down my body, causing me to cry into the gag. Abbadon grins and leans back down to Dean again, who just screws his eyes shut and goes completely still. 

Abbadon pulls away, biting his lip and then giggles.

"Go on Cassie, you can use your angel abilities, we know you can't hurt us with them. Until then, Azazel explains the thoughts these kids are having while we possess them." She smiles and kisses Dean again, digging her nails into the scars on his side, he gasps and she takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Dean gags and Abbadon presses her nails in further.

"Well Cassie, while Abbadon gets ready for that I'm telling you about these kids. They really don't like ya, I mean they would've stopped after the first week but then they saw you kiss and woah. I have never felt so much hate and jealousy." He grins but my eyes are on the struggling Dean and smiling Abbadon. 

"These boys wanted Dean and you on the team, the team is their lives. So when you left the team for each other, well they didn't take it well. They hope that this treatment can change your minds." I yell profanity's at him through the gag and continue sobbing from the pain. I jerk forward and the feel of a broken rib pressing against my skin makes me hunch my shoulders.

I frantically try to keep my eyes open, to watch Dean, but the blackness creeps into my vision and I'm swept into unconsciousness.

* * * *

I blink my eyes open and try to focus on the layer of pain, hoping it would wake me up. I squeeze my eyes shut and hear cruel laughter and a person's sobs. not just anyone's sobs, Deans.

Dean! My eyes fly open and I frantically search for the blond haired boy, looking everywhere for his green eyes. When I find them my whole body freezes.

He's pushed back into the lockers now with tears streaking his face, following the tracks of the nail marks down each cheek. His green eyes are dull and missing their usual spark, his lips are split and bleeding and he's shaking. I cry out, my heart aching for my boyfriend and I see him slowly look up at me, his expression falling for a second before being smoothed back into a blank, crying face. 

I look down and see he has no shirt on and there are marks down his body, I can't make out what they are through the tears falling from my eyes. The pain in my torso was beginning to become unbearable again.

Abbadon is still sitting in his lap but now his shoes are missing and he's not resisting. She leans forward and whispers something in his ear that makes him flinch and stare wide-eyed at one of the demons.The demon smirks strides forwards, running a hand down Dean's face. Dean flinches violently and the demon chuckles. Abbadon shifts her body and Dean cries out.

"Dean?!? Are you in there?!?" A frantic voice calls from the door. Not long after loud knocks can be heard, along with hushed voices and dogs barking. The demons in the room freeze and I almost laugh when the person speaks again and I recognize it.

"Cas?!? Dean?!? Your phones say you're in here so why aren't you letting me in?!?" Sams frantic voice calls from the door. I hear another loud bang, a frustrated scream, and quiet murmurs before a new voice starts talking.

"Boys, we are coming in now. Don't resist." The demons cackle and Azazel removes my gag, I rub my tongue along my split lip, almost screaming when it tastes blood still trickling out of it. I was obviously only unconscious for a few minutes. Azazel smirks and slams his fist into my stomach causing me to scream as my broken ribs take the impact.

"Castiel?!?! What's happening! Officer they've been in there for almost two hours, get my son out!" My dad's frantic voice can be heard from the door and I close my eyes. My dad was here to rescue me and Dean. But, hang on a minute.

Two hours?! We couldn't have been here for two hours! It was only an hour when I passed out, I couldn't have been out of it for an hour...Maybe it was a good thing, I mean they must have waited until I woke up to hurt Dean so nothing happened to him. I let a sob out of my throat and see Dean shift towards me, wincing as he does so, and I hear my dad yell again.

I look over to Dean and see him still silently crying, not moving a muscle as Abbadon bites his lip again, running her tongue along it when she lets go. 

"Stop touching him you bitch!" I scream at her and the yelling outside stops briefly, but the banging against the door continues. I mentally urge them to break the door down faster and Abbadon laughs. I look at Dean again and notice him sitting stiffly, Abbadons arm moves and Dean winces slightly, I frown. 

Azazel and Alistair let me drop forward and I curl into a ball on the bench, in too much pain to go to Dean. Then Abbadon stands up and I see why Dean was wincing, screaming at her I let all my anger at that one touch out.

Because she deserved it.

Because her hand was down Dean's pants and I couldn't do a thing about it.


	15. Hospitals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I swallowed and closed my eyes again, hoping that if I couldn't see everyone it would be easier to talk about. I felt dirty, like a had just rolled through mud and then landed in dirt. But I could only feel fear, nothing else, that's why I needed Cas here, he grounded me.

**Cas' POV**

The door to the locker room came down with a crash and I only had to second to understand this before my dad was kneeling in front of me and touching my face. The pain echoing throughout my body made the world appear slow and dull.

"Oh, Cas. We need a medic ASAP! What hurts, why were you screaming? Was it these kids?" He frantically asks and I nod, watching his face contort in anger and he talks to the police standing at the door. I watch the medics run in and I whimper when they move me to put me on a stretcher.

"Alright sweetie, we only have one team so we're gonna get you ready in the stretcher and then we're gonna bring your boyfriend in next to you, okay? He seems to be physically stable so we'll take care of him later." I nod in a daze and accept the painkillers. My head whips up when Sam bursts through the door.

"Where's my brother?" He asks, his young voice loud enough to make everyone freeze and watch the encounter between Sam and Dean. Sam looks around the room and sees Dean still against the lockers with his hand's tied and his whole body shaking. Dean stares directly ahead, tears still streaming down his face as Sam slowly approaches.

"What happened to him?" He asks, his voice shaking at the sight of Dean like that. The medics rush over to stand next to Sam and apologize for not realizing how upset he was. Sam just glares at them and tip toes over to Dean, calling to him softly. Sam reaches about a meter away when Dean whimpers and tries to move away, only for his bindings to get stuck. Sam freezes and turns to look at the medics slowly, a look of fear on his face.

"Fix. Him." He demands and that just makes Dean cry harder, his eyes now screwed shut and my heart shatters at the sight. What did they say to upset him this much? I try to reach for Dean to comfort him but instead I find my dad's hand, squeezing it tightly as I watch the medics approach, Dean. My dad squeezes back and the painkillers I was given begin to work themselves through my system, turning my thoughts foggy but thankfully removing the pain. 

I see the medics approach Dean and touch his shoulder, he flinches so violently that he jumps backward into the lockers. The medics mutter soothing words and I see Dean's eyes stare at them fearfully, his bare chest gleaming with sweat and heaving. His eyes are still dull and hollow and I wonder again what the demons said to him to make him so...un-Dean like. The medics continue to mutter and my world starts to dissolve as the painkillers start to knock me out.

Dean nods shakily and they release his wrists gasping when he reveals them to be red raw and bleeding, I want to worry about him but I'm too tired now. The medics approach with a blanket and wrap it around his shoulders, the help him up but his legs collapse and he closes his eyes.

The last thing I see is my dad leaving my side and picking Dean up.

The last thing I feel is the steady pulse of pain from my body.

* * * *

Hospitals smell.

That's my first thought when I wake up, that hospitals smell like disinfectant and misery. My next thought is ouch, ouch everwhere. I groggily open my eyes, wincing as the light stabs my eyes. I hear a chair scrape across the floor and then someone's hand is in mine and their fingers are lightly brushing my forehead.

"Hey Castiel, how are you feeling?" My dad asks. I groan in response and he chuckles.

"Good evening Mr. Novak, my name is Meg Masters and I'm your nurse. Can you open your eyes for me?" I take a shaky breath and open my eyes slowly to the blinding light.

"Good! Alright, can you flex your toes and move up your body?" I do as she instructs and wince when my chest tightens in pain. I study my room as I move various parts of my body, white walls with photos of nature, seas and forests, mountains and sunsets. The bedsheets are scratchy and plain white, with a pale blue trim, the equipment is all silver.

I glance to my dad and his eyes are red and puffy, his beard and hair unusually messy and his glasses sitting crooked on his nose. He offers me a small smile and I try and manover my aching face into a smile back, but it turns into a wince.

"Alright Clarence, everything seems to be in order. You have three broken ribs, a twisted ankle and a minor concussion, take some pain meds, grab some some crutches, and you'll be good to go." She smiles kindly at me, her brown hair falling in front of her face. Her phone beeps and she pulls a message out, frowning at something on the screen.

"Your unicorn just woke up and he's a little stressed. Would you like me to wheel you to him or do you want to see your family first?" I shake my head, Sam would want to spend time with his brother.

"I'll stay, thanks. Can you come get me in about thirty minutes?" She nods and smiles sweetly before calling out to my siblings. They all pile into my room and Anna bursts into tears, Gabriel curls up next to me and Lucifer just hugs dad. I smile at them, the pain medication kicking in as we all talk about what happened.

"It's awful Castiel, those demons possessing kids? Just wrong." Their voices overlap each other and I interrupt them quietly, my throat hoarse.

"Does anyone know what they said to Dean?" The room falls silent, then Lucifers voice quietly answers.

"He's in a private room, no one knows what happened, not even Sam." Lucifer shakes his head and my heart thumps in worry. I take a deep breath in and wince, causing everyone to panic and ask if I was okay. I hold my hands out soothingly and they go silent.

"Okay, now I've seen you, can I get my crutches and go see Dean? I'm really worried about him." I bite my lip and furrow my brows.

"Okay Castiel, lets call the nurse back." They press the button and Meg walks in, her dimpled smile surveying Lucifer briefly. I explain quickly and Meg smiles, handing me my clothes. I awkwardly get changed, trying to minimalise the movement of my ribs and then I grab my crutches and slowly walk out to into the hallway. 

Meg walks in front of me, talking as we go.

"No one actually knows what happened, we can't go near him, except Sam, he won't talk, unless it's to Sam and he won't explain what they did, even to Sam. He's got a minor concussion, multiple small abrazions, bruises everywhere, his lips and back are pretty torn up and there are a lot of bruises on his thighs." 

I close my eyes at the mental image and follow Meg slowly, grimacing as the crutches brush against my ribs. We walk to the end of the hall and Meg opens the door, gesturing for me to walk in. I slowly inch inside and Sam looks up. His face relaxes when he sees me and he rushes over, hugging me gently.

"Please, Cas. He won't tell us what happened, he won't explain why he's so upset. The doctors just want to know the things the demons said." Sam pulls back with tears in his eyes. I give him another one armed hug and sit him down in a chair on the far side of Dean's room, giving him a glass of water and telling him to rest.

I take a deep breath and turn to face Dean, almost collapsing from the pain my body was in. But what I didn't expect was to see Dean so fragile.

He was sitting up with his knees tucked tightly into his chest, his arms protectivly wrapped around them, the blankets pulled up to his eyes, covering his whole body. His eyes were closed and he was shaking slightly. I get another blanket and wander over to the chair beside his bed, frowning at his hunched figure. What on earth did they say to him?

"C-Cas?" He says, his voice breaking. I see Sam sit up in my peripheral vision but I ignore him instead leaning closer to Dean.

"Yeah, it's me Dean." He opens his eyes and scootches across the bed, lifting up his blanket. I smile warmly and climb in next to him, shivering when my skin comes in contact with his hospital clothing. I wrap an arm around him and he puts his head on my chest, still curled in a ball. He grips my clothes tightly and breathes deeply, causing me to wince in pain. 

He stiffens and moves back slightly but I pull him closer, hugging tightly until he melts into my warmth. I look down and he closes his eyes again, his bottom lip trembling slightly, I move my fingers to brush against his hair but he flinches when they come in contact with his face. I pull my fingers back and sigh.

"What did they do to you, Dean?" He stiffens at the question and then turns his head to bury his nose into the crook of his neck. I feel water drip down my back and I realize he's crying quietly. I look towards Sam and he just bites his lip.

"I'll tell the nurse, but you two have to promise you won't leave, or get upset." His voice is frail and petrified, Sam immediently jumps up and calls for the nurse. A crowd of doctors walk in and look surprised that Dean let me touch him, a police officer follows and Dean swallows nervously before opening his mouth.

**Deans POV**

I swallowed and closed my eyes again, hoping that if I couldn't see everyone it would be easier to talk about. I felt dirty, like a had just rolled through mud and then landed in dirt. But I could only feel fear, nothing else, that's why I needed Cas here, he grounded me.

"I assume you all know about what happened to Cas?" I ask, hating how my voice sounded, frail. I receive nods from everyone.

"Well, after Cas was knocked out, they all just waited for him to wake up, so that was thirty minutes of me worying he wouldn't take the next breath in." I feel a squeeze from beside me and I smile into Cas' shoulder, glad he was there.

"When he woke up Abbadon sat on my lap and starting kissing me, thats where the story stopped, right?" Nods from everyone.

"She leaned in and whispered 'We're going to fix you both, you just can't see it yet. Me first, then the big boy over there.' She pointed at one of the jocks and I freaked, tried to get out of her grip but the guys behind me just held me down and dug into my scars, I assume you saw them." I feel Cas start to stiffin in realization at what had happened.

"She, uhh, basically, um, well, they both..." I trail off and open my eyes, looking at Cas' bandaged foot peeking out from under the covers. A deep voice echoes throughout the room, the police officer.

"Did they rape you, Dean?" I feel Cas start to tremble and I look into the police officers eyes.

"Yes."

The room froze for a second before erupting into madness, people were yelling but all I heard was the rustle of sheets as Cas wrapped me into a hug and the words of comfort he whispered into my ear as my emotions drained out of me, replaced by nothingness.

I felt the bed dip and suddenly Sam was comfotring me as well, I felt pressure build in my chest and suddenly I was sobbing into Cas and Sams arms. The memories threatened to overwhelm me so rather than fight, I let the blackness consume my mind.

**Cas' POV**

Four hours later I was still shocked, so was my silent family as we watched movies in the lounge room.

But every single movie we owned reminded me of what had happened.

Romance, why Dean and I were attacked.

Action, the feel of kicks against my body.

Fantasy, the demons black eyes as they laughed.

Horror, the screams that I made when my ribs broke.

Comedy, the laughs of the demons as I was beaten.

"Can I stay with Dean tonight?" I quickly ask, my thoughts becoming too much to bare. My dad looks up shocked but nods at me.

"Let's go."

* * * *

When we get there I head straight towards Dean's room and immediently climb into bed next to him, ignoring the fact that him and Sam were sleeping. He subconciously wraps an arm around me and I fall asleep to his steady breathing.

* * * *

_"Please...stop...." I hear Dean's voice whimper._

_"Please...I-I can't....p-please!" He screams and my heart breaks at the sound. Frantically I search for him through the murks of my dream and I stumble into the locker room. I managed to land in Dean's dream with him, and it was a nightmare about what happened at school._

_I shake my head furiously._

_"No. No! I can't watch this. I can't." But my subconscious has other ideas._


	16. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel Novak, my guardian angel, at it again.

** Cas' POV **

_I look around the all too familiar locker room and see myself unconscious against the locker benches, being held up by two demons. I walk around the lockers and see Abbadon sitting on Dean's lap, digging her nails into his back while he struggles against her. The two demons behind him dig into his shoulders and he cries out against Abbadons lips._

_She pulls back and tugs his shirt off his chest, trailing her lips down his chest, he closes his eyes and stills. I walk forwards and stop just in front of him, wanting to comfort him but knowing that in reality, I was unconscious. She leans down and takes off his shoes and socks before digging her hands into his thighs and forcefully pushing his legs apart, that must be the reason for the bruises along his thighs._

_He starts shaking as her hands wind their way up his thighs and unbuckle his pants, she stands up directly in front of me so I can't see Dean. I can only hear the rustle of his pants as they land around his ankles, and the moan from Abbadon as she lifts her skirt and leans over Dean. I want to close my eyes and leave but I can only stare at Dean's face as he begins crying and Abbadon rakes her claws down his face, drawing blood._

_When she's finished Dean's back is bleeding and his chest is heaving from the silent sobs, she stands up and licks from his waistband to his chin, grinning as he shudders. She then steps away and clicks her fingers at the big male demon across the room. I close my eyes as he makes his way over only to have them snap open when Dean cries out in pain._

"Dean! Cas! Wake up, dammit! Wake up, it's a dream! Oh my god, where's my phone, I need Chuck."

_I open my eyes only to see Dean on his stomach with the big guy on top of him, biting down on his neck and moving in time to Dean's whimpers. I cover my mouth horrified as Dean lets out a gut-wrenching scream._

"Chuck? Thank the heavens, it's Sam! Dean's having a nightmare and Cas is in it with him, I need your help, now!"

_As the demon finishes, he puts his and Dean's pants back on and steps away, leaving Dean crying on the bench and giving me the perfect view of his back. It had nail and teeth marks down it, with droplets of blood sliding out of them, and there was an already bruising handprint on the back of his neck, right next to the bite mark._

_I cry out his name and watch horrified as he's pulled into sitting position and Abbadon returns to her seat in his lap, smirking as I stir behind her. I spin around and watch myself look slowly at Dean and Abbadon, but this time I can hear what Abbadon says to make Dean pale._

_"Ready for round two?"_

"Cas, it's your dad. I need you to concentrate, you can pull you and Dean out. But you need to focus on my voice, focus on the things you can actually feel, okay?"

_Abbadons hand slips into Dean's undone pants and he stiffens. I close my eyes, knowing the rest._

I jerk awake with a frightened cry and scream when my eyes don't immediately adjust to the light, I can hear terrified noises coming from behind me and I blink as Dean's hospital room comes into focus.

My dad sighs and drops his head into his hands, giving Sam a small smile. I leap out of bed and throw myself into my dad's arms, sobbing as the images of Dean's scared face flash across my mind. He hugs me back and then pushes me towards the bed again, gesturing to the whimpers coming from behind me.

I turn around and sniffle when I see Deans wide eyes from over Sam's shoulder, Dean was clutching onto Sam like a lifeline and shaking. Sam rubs his back soothingly and Dean yelps when his hand touches his lower back, I wince, knowing why.

Sam gives Dean one last squeeze and pulls back, leaving Dean looking like a lost child. I frown and limp over to him, holding my arms out. His bottom lip wobbles and I see him try to mentally pull himself together, sighing he drops his shoulders and holds his arms out.

I grin and almost launch myself at him, hugging my arms and legs around him like a blanket, he laughs lightly and my heart flutters at the sound. He lays back with me still hugging him and I end up sprawling on his chest, one hand caressing his face, the other on his hip. He chuckles and Sam and my dad set up at the foot of the bed.

"Castiel, you're in an emotionally weakened state right now, so your powers are going haywire. If you or Dean have another nightmare, you'll both experience it again...I warn against cuddling?" In response I huff and hug Dean closer, he does the same thing back.

"Fine, fine. But I'm staying here to pull you out, I have a feeling you'll need me." I smile against Dean's chest already feeling drowsy and drift off into a deep sleep, my smile vanishing as laughter follows my dreams.

** Dean's POV **

I stroke Cas' hair and avoid sleeping for fear of reliving my memories and dragging Cas in with me. I smile at Sammy lazily and watch as he looks helplessly at me, his puppy dog eyes causing fear to set in my heart. The next words he whispers send my heart racing.

"Dad's coming home tomorrow morning, and he's visiting the hospital." I close my eyes and mentally pull myself together, opening them again I beckon Sammy towards me.

"Come on, there's room for you next to us in here." He smiles gratefully and snuggles into my side, his head facing away and his back against my ribs, just like when he was younger.

"De, how are you holding up?" He slurs, his voice slow from exhaustion.

"I'm fine, Sammy. Get some rest." I lie through my teeth. I am not okay, I'm shattered inside. The one thing I thought I could control in my life had been violated. And Cas...Cas is bruised and bandaged because of me.

As black dots sweep across my vision, I try to keep my eyes open but fail miserably, falling into a deep sleep.

* * * *

I wake up to Cas' hair tickling my nose, and I smile at the feeling it sends shooting through my body. I blink my eyes open and see Sammy snoring next to me and Cas still sprawled over my chest, like my own personal electric blanket.

The butterflies take flight once again and look towards the door, freezing when I see my dad. He walks over and reaches for my face, but I flinch away, careful not to wake anyone. I frantically look for Chuck but he's nowhere to be found.

"I'm so sorry, Dean. Could you ever forgive me?" I blink slowly at my dad, who was silently crying. He covers his mouth and takes a shuddering breath.

"I've done something unforgivable, I've done something awful." I feel dread seep into my chest and I inch away from my dad.

"I'm so sorry son, I couldn't get away from the fire, from the heartbreak of Mary. Every time I saw you it was just like she was staring back at me and it drove me insane, I couldn't stay, I had to hunt the thing that killed her, but now I've lost." He sinks into the chair next to me, holding his head in my hands, but I was frozen, so still I almost couldn't breathe. I feel Sam and Cas stiffen at the same time and I knew they were awake, and that they weren't moving in order to protect me.

"Those demons, Dean. They were blackmailing me, with you." My jaw drops and Cas' hand tightens against my side.

"Azazel is the demon that killed your mother and he was trying to get rid of me. So he used you as a bargaining chip, he wouldn't hurt you if I handed myself over. That boy wasn't meant to be involved, but I guess demons need fun somehow." I gasp, trying to even my breaths in order to ask my dad a question.

"What do you know of a demon called A-Abbadon," I say, my voice cracking on her name as I felt her nails digging into my back again.

"Abbadon? She's his apprentice, they find happy mediums with each other." I close my eyes and I feel Sammy sit up slowly, but Cas stays sprawled on my chest. I open my eyes, trying to avoid crying. Sam glares at dad and then hisses quietly,

"Well, they didn't keep their deal very well, did they? They still hurt Dean." I gape at Sammy, he was usually so quiet.

"What do you mean they hurt my son?" My dad asks, his voice dangerously low.

"They-" Sammy stops abruptly and glances down at me, I give him a nod and my dad looks at us, frowning in concern.

"They raped him, dad." At this dad stands up abruptly and growls, punching the wall nearest to him. He runs his hands through his hair and when he faces us again, I see the tears in his eyes.

"I know I haven't been the best father, drunk most of the time or gone. I don't remember much of my time with you at all, but I am sorry, drinking was the only way to blur her face...but I should have been there, Dean. I should've saved the day rather than deal with Azazel, but that doesn't matter now, he went back on his deal."

Dad walks over to us and gently strokes my face.

"You're eighteen now, Dean. I'm letting you be Sam's legal guardian, I know that he'll be better with you as his father. But please let me visit, and we can share stories."At this I glance down at Cas, smiling softly. My dad chuckles and I look up at him, all ideas of revenge for the things he's done, gone.

"Keep that, Dean. Don't you ever let him go, understand? When I visit I want him there too, and you're both going to share your story. I'm leaving, I've already signed the papers and given you access to your college funds and access to Sammy. Start your story with this boy, Dean, and take care of you and Sam." I shake my head, the information too overwhelming, I could get Sammy out of this hell hole, I could take Cas on dates, I could finish school-

School. Oh. Dad turns to Sammy, crying openly now.

"You're so smart, Sam. The smartest kid I know, so do something with that, okay? Always keep fighting and look after Dean will ya? I don't know what else he's been through, but look after him." Sam nods and crawls off the bed, hugging dad tightly.

Chuck walks in with a cup of coffee and freezes at the sight of the room. Sam, hugging a grown crying man that Chuck has never met. Me laying in bed with Cas sprawled across me and hugging me tightly.

Cas sits up and rolls off me, walking over to my dad with a conflicted expression on his face. He walks right up to my dad before hugging him, causing my dad to freeze and carefully hug him back. Then Cas pulls away and slaps my dad across the face, a glare set on his face. Chuck, Sam and I call his name out at the same time and I move to get out of bed, wincing as I walk over to him.

When I see tears in his eyes I wrap my arm around his waist, supporting both of us, but my thoughts are scattered completely.

"When you come visit us, and you will, Dean will explain that hit. Until then, don't you dare die on them Mr. Winchester, they've both been through enough crap and you will not add that on top, understood?" Cas says, his voice hard and cold, before dropping it to a sad whisper.

"I love your son and I don't want to see him hurt, okay?" My dad nods before smile sadly and leaving, passing a shocked Chuck on the way out. I give Cas a quick squeeze before waddling over to Sammy, avoiding the pain.

I pull him into a hug and he sobs into my shoulder, his shoulders shaking and his tears soaking my hospital gown. I walk him over to the bed and lay him down, choosing the chair for myself before slowly sitting and beginning to stroke the hair off his face. I wince a bit and shift myself into a more comfortable position, stroking his forehead until his sobs stop and his breathing evens.

I stand up again because that hurts less and turn around to see Chuck hugging Cas, I shift awkwardly and wait for their hug/talk to finish when I notice a yellow envelope on the bedside table. I open it and have to swallow my raging emotions.

**_ Guardian Transfer Forms _ **

**_Childs name:_ ** _ __Samuel Winchester ____ _

**_Current guardian:_ ** _ __John Winchester______ _

**_Signature:_ ** _ __J.Wichester__________ _

**_New guardian:_ ** _ __Dean Winchester______ _

**_Signature:_ ** _ ______________________ _

**_Date signed:_ ** _ ______________________ _   
  
  


**_ Bank account details _ **

**_Owner:_ ** _Dean Winchester_

**_Balance:_** $20,457.68

**_Notes:_ ** _Full access, credit card attached._   
  
  


**_ Bank account details _ **

**_Owner:_ ** _Samuel Winchester_

**_Balance:_ ** _$24,788.94_

**_Notes:_ ** _Only guardian access until 18._   
  
  


_Dear Dean,_

_I'm sorry to dump this on you so suddenly, but I know you can deal with it. Take care of Sammy and take care of yourself. I've gone off to finish hunting Azazel to make him pay for what he did to our family, but I want you boys out of the life._

_I'm sorry I don't remember our time together Dean, I was drunk. But I want you to know that when I picture my best memories, they're with you boys._

_I'm so so incredibly proud of the man you've grown to become, and I know you can achieve great things with your life, Dean._

_I love you,_

_Dad._   
  
  


_Dear Sammy,_

_God, where do I start. You are so amazing, my son. I know you'll fly through life doing astounding things and I hope that you'll always keep in contact._

_Take care of your brother, emotionally I mean, physically he's fine but you need to help with the things we can't see._

_And remember my dearest boy, you will do great things and your father is always proud. I know you'll grow up amazing._

_I love you,_

_Dad._   
  
  


I drop the papers and grip the bench, sobbing quietly through clenched teeth, my emotions burning in my chest. A mix of everything, colliding and falling and tearing themselves in my chest, causing an emotional war.

Then a light touch on my shoulder, an arm around my waist and my feelings calm. A kiss on the cheek and I'm able to think clearly yet be completely befuddled at the same time.

Castiel Novak, my guardian angel, at it again.


	17. Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I feel happy.
> 
> Truly happy and content.

Cas' POV

I didn't understand why he was crying, but one glimpse at his soul and I knew he needed me. I wrap my arms around his waist and watch as his soul calms and becomes peaceful. I nuzzle into his neck slightly and grin when he leans back into me, his breathing become steady.

I grab his waist and spin him around so we were next to each other, supporting each other. He was physically holding me up and I was keeping him emotionally stable, we were perfect for each other. We walk over to the bed where Sam was curled up and Dean gently lifts me up before placing me on the bed, when his hands brush against my ribs I groan in pain and he stops.

He cups my face and smiles slightly, the movement pulling at the wounds on his lips. He gently kisses my forehead and pushes me down so I'm next to Sam.

"Rest, Cas. You need to heal." He whispers before he begins running his hands through my hair. I look up at him sleepily and see how the white light in the room illuminates his eyes, making the green appear fluorescent. My eyes flutter closed and I smile at the feeling of comfort he brings whenever he's near me.

"You have the brightest soul I've ever seen, Dean Winchester." He chuckles lightly and continues to stroke my hair as I fall asleep, letting the darkness take away the pain coming from every part of my body.

I dream of Dean, his candy apple eyes, the scattered freckles across his face, his wide smile and his bright soul.

I dream of peace and love.

I dream of Dean Winchester that night, and everything feels perfect.

Dean's POV

I smile at his words.

"You have the brightest soul I've ever seen, Dean Winchester." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean, but he's an angel, so I'll let it slide. I look down at the two people I care about most in my life, Cas and Sammy.

Sammy.

The kid deserved so much more than life had thrown at him, but I could give that to him now. I watch as he huffs in his sleep, his shaggy brown hair flopping over his eyes. He smiles in his sleep and I watch him sleep peacefully, pride filling my chest.

Then I look at Cas. His black hair sticking up everywhere and his lips pulled into a smile. Even after what he just went through at school and all the pain he must be in, he was having a good dream. He sighs my name and I blush, affection warming my heart.

Ignoring the pain in my lips I lean down and kiss him softly, smiling warmly down at the most important things in my life.

I take a step back and wince as my back shifts under the hospital clothes. I stop moving, letting my body adjust to the pain radiating from it when I feel a warm hand on my shoulder. I look up and see Chuck smiling softly down at me. He pulls me in for a gentle hug and then hands me a steaming cup of coffee.

"Castiel tells me that you like straight black with two sugars?" I blush and he grins.

"How's he holding up?" I ask softly, my voice hoarse.

"Not perfect, but he's doing okay. He's calmer when you're around, at home he was a nervous wreck. What about you? and don't give me that crap about how you're fine, Castiel told me you're not good with admitting you need help." I smile at how much Cas has told his dad and then my smile drops.

"I-I'm not really okay at all," I admit quietly. Chuck just wraps an arm around my shoulders and leads me to the comfy chair in the corner, he sits me down before grabbing the plastic chair from beside the bed and sitting in front of me.

"Talk to me, Dean." I look down at my hands and take a deep breath.

Chuck's POV (Ohhh, different POV in this chapter.)

He looks down at his hands and I just want to comfort him. Castiel had talked to me about what Dean's home life was like and I can't believe I didn't pick up on it. But the best thing I could do now was support all the kids, both my own and the Winchester brothers.

Seeing Dean and Castiel's relationship and how Dean respected my boy, I already considered him a part of the family. And you always have to be there for your family when they need it most, and Dean definitely needed it.

I remember my talk with Castiel and how distraught he was at what happened to him, he was afraid. I knew Dean needed to talk to me like Castiel did and it looked like he was about to.

"They hurt Cas, because of me, because they wanted to make me suffer." I blink, that was not what I was expecting at all.

"Then when they started on me I was so glad Cas didn't see it, he didn't need to see it, then he had to watch it in a dream." Dean's tearing himself up over this? Over Castiel? My heart warms and breaks at the same time, dean cared about my son so much but there was so much pain in his voice when he spoke.

"I feel like the one thing I had control over in my life, has been taken and I don't know what to do. I feel lost and scared and I don't want Cas to feel the same." I notice the tears forming in Dean's eyes and I quickly interrupt.

"He doesn't Dean. Sure he's traumatised and a little scared, but he told me that when he's around you, that disappears. As for the rest, you are surrounded by people that care about you, whenever you feel lost or scared we're here to comfort and ground you." He smiles and wipes his eyes with the back of his hands.

I smile and ruffle his hair, almost missing the small flinch. I frown and leave the room, telling the nurse to bring in another comfy chair.

Cas' POV

I wake up to an empty hospital room, alone in the hard bed. I sit up and clutch my ribs in pain, groaning I swivel off the bed and grab my crutches, slotting them under my arms. I make my way over to the door and I see shaggy brown hair turning the corner ahead.

"Sam!" He turns around and grins at me, walking over. He pulls me into a soft hug and pulls back, his smile small.

"Dean's getting changed, they're letting him come home today. They have to conduct a whole bunch of interviews but your dad managed to let them all happen at home." I smile at him and he leads me back into the room.

"How are ya holding up, Cas?" I shake my head.

"Sore, really, really sore. But emotionally I'm okay right now. I know those demons have been taken care of, and I know we'll get better." I smile at him, happy for some reason. I was completely honest, I felt emotionally stable and everything was looking up, the bullies were gone and Dean and I could come out to the school.

"Just, remember you aren't alone Cas. We're all here for you...and Dean." He smiles again and Dean limps into the room, his shaking fingers trying to button up his shirt. He looks up and grins at me, his jeans back on and his blue flannel resting on his shoulders.

"Can I get a hand, please? These stupid buttons won't do up and I need to look presentable apparently. His voice his hoarse and rough and it makes my heart break at the emotional stress he's been put under his whole life.

Sam nods and makes his way over to Dean, he reaches out and does Dean's buttons. He rests his hand on Dean's shoulder and pulls him down for a hug, smiling when Dean hugs back tightly.

"God, I'm giving out so many hugs today, no more chick-flick moments." I make my way over to him and lean in slightly, about two inches away from kissing him.

"You love chick-flicks," I whisper.

"Hell yeah, I do." He says before kissing me gently, both of us wincing when we pull away. I start laughing and soon Dean joins in, the laughter causes my ribs to cry out in protest but I don't mind. Seeing Dean smile like that's worth it.

Sam gags behind us and I turn around, rolling my eyes as he mimics throwing up. He grins at us before walking out of the room, calling over his shoulder.

"We gotta be home in ten for the first interview, Dean." I visibly see Dean's shoulders sag and I pull his chin up, he smiles at me but I can see the sadness in his eyes. We walk out, me on crutches, Dean limping with every step and Sam soon joins us.

Sam and I wave goodbye to Dean. Dean had requested that we take Sam to hang out with Gabe and Lucifer so he didn't have to sit thought the interviews with him. We climb into the car and make our way to my house, but I have to worry about Dean.

He was alone, in a motel room full of strangers, talking about his past and future.

Dean's POV

I sigh as the yellow taxi pulls up in front of us, I was in no condition to drive and Sammy's going to Cas', so I had to call for a ride. I climb in and I try to hide the pain I was in, I pay the driver in advance and fall into silence.

I pull into the motel and when I walk inside there are already people in there.

"Dean Winchester? I''m Gordon Walker and these are my associates, Claire and Bobby. We've been expecting you, the manager let us in, I hope you don't mind?" I shake my head, keeping my shoulders straight and trying to avoid shaking in fear. The three people in monkey suits gesture for me to sit down and I do, shifting into a comfortable position.

"We understand your father has given you legal possession of your brother, Samuel Winchester." I nod and hand the man the papers that I had signed. The man glances at the paper and nods slowly.

"Everything here is in order, but we have to question your choice of residence." I sigh, knowing that I would have to explain my life story.

"This is where our father left us and I've been trying to save up for an apartment around here since we got here."

"Okay Mr Winchester, we have some questions for you. Do you have sufficient fund to manage you and your brother? Do you have current work? Are you going to finish school? We have talked to child services and dug a little into your past, can you confirm or deny allegations against your father?"

I run my hands through my hair and take a deep breath.

"My father recently gave me access to our college funds, and I currently have a few jobs that are bringing in the money I need to provide for Sammy. I am going to finish school, and then I'd like to attend the college in this town. But what allegations are there against my father?" I dread the questions to come but I know to keep Sammy I have to answer them.

"Thank you, there are a few allegations. Did your father leave you for long periods of time to care for your brother? Did your father leave you insufficient amounts of money? Did your father abuse you?"

"Yes, he would leave for long periods of time and not leave us enough money. Whenever he got drunk he would sometimes hit us, but never when he was sober." I avoid outright blaming my dad because I still loved him and I knew he loved Sammy and me.

The interview continues for half an hour before they finally accept. I smile at them and feel the relief flood my body. They leave and the next people come in the police. They interview me about the accident and I answer as best I can, but it's hard to talk about what happened. I just want to forget.

An hour later they leave and another person walks in, alone this time.

"Good afternoon, Dean. I'm Lisa, I'm your therapist." I glare at her and open my mouth, ready to tell her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

"I know you don't want a therapist but if you want to keep Samuel then you need to talk to me." I slouch down in my chair and massage my eyes, trying to fight off an oncoming headache. After a full day of questions and paperwork, I was ready to sleep and just hug Cas.

"What's your best experience with your father?" I blink and stare at her surprised, but she just smiles back at me with her pen hovering over her notebook.

"I-I suppose Christmas when I was eleven. Normally he wouldn't be sober or home but this Christmas he was. I remember waking up and seeing two full sacks at the foot of our beds and seeing Sammy's grin as he hugged me and smiled. He thanked me for not letting him give up on Santa when really it was mostly me finding stuff to give him.

"We walked into the living room and dad was there, with two more presents and a huge stack of waffles and mugs of hot chocolate. That day we just spent with each other, playing with the new toys we got and spending time as a family. Sammy was so happy, it's the best memory of my dad."

I smile as the image of Sammy's toothy grin and chubby cheeks appears in my head. After that, the session went a lot smoother and we organised another date to catch up. She says goodbye and I lay down on the couch, groaning as the remote hits my back. I hear the door rattle and Sammy runs into the living room, his eyes wide and his face red.

I sit up excitedly and run towards him, embracing him in a big hug as I chant.

"I can keep you, Sammy! We get an apartment about five minutes from here and you can live with me and go to college and finish school here. I can buy you proper clothes and-and all the books you need and we can eat chocolate every day and we can be happy."

Sammy laughs with me and we fall onto the couch as a giggling mess. Cas walks in and grins at us.

"I heard the good news from outside the house. Congratulations." We laugh again and Cas comes and sits on my knee, wrapping an arm around me and hugging me tightly.

And I feel happy.

Truly happy and content.


	18. Fresh Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just kiss already, the news told us you were boyfriends." I open my mouth mortified but Dean shrugs and turns to face me, a grin on his face. I narrow my eyes at him and he leans in, ensnaring my lips in a passionate kiss.

** Cas' POV **

Dean and I stand outside the classroom door, ten minutes late and very scared. It was our first day back since the incident and we were both terrified of the students and the whispers that would follow us. We didn't have to worry about the football team because they had been expelled, every single one of them.

We walk in and all talking stops. We both stand there awkwardly as the teacher welcomes us back, Dean stands in front of me slightly as one of the students walks up to us. I remember her, a small red head who always hung out with the nerdy group, Charlene Bradbury.

She walks right up to Dean and he stiffens slightly until she smiles at him and starts clapping. Dean pulls me next to him and I see his frown as the rest of the class starts applauding, he blushes slightly and we both stand at the front before Charlene leans in.

"Just kiss already, the news told us you were boyfriends." I open my mouth mortified but Dean shrugs and turns to face me, a grin on his face. I narrow my eyes at him and he leans in, ensnaring my lips in a passionate kiss.

The class goes crazy and Dean blushes bright red, smiling at me warmly. One by one the students come up to us and apologise, shaking our hands and congratulating us. By the end of it, I just want to sit in the corner and sleep, but the bell rings and we make our way out of the classroom.

We gratefully stumble out of the class and Dean laughs a shocked expression on his face. Charlene skips up to us, her Star Trek t-shirt flashing in the light.

"Sup guys, I'm Charlie. We have almost every class together, isn't that just squeal-worthy? BT dubs you guys are soo OTP, I mean, ugh. Anyways, I was wondering if you two wanted to hang out with the group at lunch, I mean we would've asked earlier but, jocks being assholes." All this was said very quickly and I just nod, not knowing what to say. She squeals delightedly and starts skipping to our next class.

"What the hell is an OTP?" Dean whispers to me.

"Only ONE TRUE PAIRING! It means you guys are super cute and we think you should definitely stay as a couple." Charlie starts skipping backwards while grinning at us. Dean just chuckles and we walk into class with her.

"Have you seen the new movie? It's amazing, you two should come see it with us! I actually think you know someone in our group, Dean? You work with her, Jo Harvelle? Yeah, she says you work pretty hard and earn some sweet tips. Talking about tips, have you heard...."

Charlie talks non-stop through class and Dean and I sit next to each other, finding ourselves liking this new girl. Halfway through the lesson, I start joining in on the conversation and Dean links his hand in mine, making Charlie squeal again.

By the end of the lesson Dean and I are laughing with Charlie and getting into an argument about who was more attractive, Black Widow or Steve Rodgers.

"But Charlieee, Steve Rodgers! I mean, his face..." I whine dramatically.

"Yes but Caaaaaas! You know I like girls and Black Widow is just, ugh." We both groan and turn to Dean expectantly, watching him grin at us.

"Sorry Charles but I gotta agree with Cas. Steve Rodgers is pretty good." Charlie sighs and crosses her arms.

"Fine, we'll sort this out with everyone else." She marches towards the lunch room and Dean and I hesitate before slowly walking in. Conversation stops again and I blush, looking down at the floor. Dean haltingly grabs my hand and we walk face down to Charlie's table.

We sit down slowly, avoiding the gaze of everyone else and just stare and our feet. I hear a cough and look up, seeing a boy with a mullet smiling at us.

"I'm Ash, genius and captain cool." He grins at us and I smile back shyly, surprised when Dean speaks up.

"I dig the hair." The table erupts into laughter and Dean squeezes my hand harder, letting me know that he was acting again.

"Business up front and party in the back," Ash claims as he flips his hair over his shoulder. Dean grins and I lean into him, smiling when his arm automatically wraps around my shoulder. A blonde girl plops down on the table and yells excitedly.

"Dean! When are you coming back to work, man? We're dying without you there." She smiles at him and I watch as dimples appear on her cheeks. Dean smiles again and soon we're all babbling on about movies and books, but the whole time Dean is clutching my hand like a lifeline.

** Dean's POV **

I was slightly scared, and by slightly scared I mean terrified. I was worried for Cas' safety and I was worried someone would jump out and yell 'kidding!' at us before we got picked on again. I hold onto his hand tightly and try to relax, letting myself fall into the conversation, finding that I liked it.

This was a cool group and I reckon we'll be okay here.

* * * *

"Charlene get your feet off my face." I groan loudly, pushing her legs onto the floor.

"But Dean, I'm comfy! You're a really good cushion and I need to be comfortable to study for our exams!" I sigh and tickle the end of her feet, causing her to scream loudly and fall off the couch. Cas comes running down the stairs and just rolls his eyes.

"I leave you all alone for two minutes at my house, and someones already screaming." We all laugh and Ash pipes up from his position on the floor.

"Why must we do exams at the end of the year! We have one day to study guys, one day! Our exams start tomorrow and Charlene is giving Dean's face a massage." I throw my pencil at his face and we all laugh when he splutters and glares at me.

I'm worried about tomorrow, really worried, but I think I'll do okay. Cas smiles and works his way over to me and Charlie, who was currently trying to put her feet back on my face. Cas pushes Charlie's feet off and launches himself onto me, causing me to yell out and try to not stab him with a ruler.

He wraps his arms around me and glares at Charlie.

"He's my cushion. Anyone object?" I groan and then start laughing when Ash raises his hand, Cas stands up and starts tickling Ash furiously until Ash is crying and yelling out.

"I don't object! He's yours! All yours!" We all laugh and Chuck calls us in for dinner. We sit down and I smile at Sammy when he walks into the room with Gabe and Lucifer. We laugh over dinner and I stand up at the end.

"I have an announcement to make." Everyone ooh's and Jo wolf whistles.

"You're getting married?"

"When were you gonna tell us you're having a kid!"

"You cheated on your last exam!"

"You're a squirrel!" I shush everyone and sigh when they finish yelling out random suggestions.

"Right, well. I have good news. Guess what Sammy? I finally was able to buy an apartment, just five minutes away from Cas!" Everybody cheers and Sammy gives me a hug. I had been working really hard the last few months to try and get this apartment and I finally saved up enough.

I didn't want to use my college fund because I wanted to save them for, well, college. Cas stands up and wraps me in a hug, kissing my cheek lightly. Chuck stands up and shoo's everyone out, claiming we needed to sleep for tomorrow.

** Cas POV **

I'm so proud of him.

I'm proud of us, to be honest.

Thinking about tomorrow and the next week made me think back to the last few months. We both ended up together most nights, whether Sam and Dean stayed over here or I went to their motel. I always slept next to Dean as we both frequently had nightmares.

Over the past few months, we'd both begun to heal together and we were happier than we'd ever been, Dean especially. I have never seen him so vibrant and healthy. Our therapist told us to stick together as we grounded each other, multiple times I woke up screaming and only Dean could calm me down. But that didn't happen much anymore, occasionally I heard the demon's laughter in my dreams, but Dean's smile soon calmed me.

On the other hand, nights were the worst for Dean. He had confessed that he knew I was in his dream and he blurred a lot of things so I wouldn't see them, which made me worry. Dean had nightmares every few nights, some of the demons, some of the monsters he's hunted and some of Sam and me dying.

I only woke up occasionally when he had a nightmare and I've told him multiple times to wake me up but he doesn't. Some times he disappears into his own thoughts and only I can get him out, but both of us had improved.

And everyday I fell in love a little more.

I smiled and walked upstairs, heading to my room, looking forward to the relief Dean usually bought. The rest of the group was hanging around tonight and we were going to our exams together, I was eternally grateful for the laughter they brought wherever they went.

I walk into my room and giggle when I hear the shower running, Dean must be getting ready for bed. I get changed and crawl into bed, trying to generate some warmth before Dean climbed in with me. I hear a few shuffles and Dean walks out with his pyjama pants on and rubbing his eyes tiredly. I clear my throat and he freezes before bolting back to the bathroom, I know why.

He was still ashamed of his scars, the things carved into his back and the lines drawn over his body. A small voice pipes up from the bathroom.

"Can you pass me my shirt, Cas?" I sigh and pick up his shirt, worrying about him again.

"Come out, Dean. You don't have to be ashamed of your scars, I have my own and you can trust me," I see the door openly slowly and Dean shuffles out, looking steadily at the floor.

"I know I can trust you, Cas. I'm just...not comfortable with the scars." He shuffles his feet and fiddles with his pants. I slowly walk over to him and quickly glance at his scars, three thin lines down his front and a red, jagged scar on his shoulder. He looks up at me and I smile, cupping his face.

"You are beautiful, Dean. No matter what scars cover you." He smiles ad I lean in to kiss him gently. He laughs and takes his shirt, turning around quickly to pull it on. I almost gasp at his back, which he's never shown me before. It was covered with thin, crossed lines and of course the word on his shoulder. I reach forwards and stroke his back gently, enraptured by the pale lines.

"What are all these from?" I whisper, afraid of the answer.

"When I was younger I was captured by a Wendigo on a hunt, it thought it would be fun to hear some screams. Dad saved my ass before it really got started, but these never healed fully." He shrugs. I pull him towards the bed and he hugs me gently. He takes a deep breath and I feel him smile against my shoulder.

"I love you, Castiel Novak. With all of my heart." My heart races and I grin.

"I love you too, Dean Winchester." He smiles against my shoulder again and we close our eyes, hoping to sleep before our final exams.

* * * *

The next morning we drag our feet downstairs and greet the rest of our group, Dean pours himself a coffee and pulls me in for a hug, kissing my temple softly. We hear a coo from the doorway and smile when Charlie walks in.

"You two are too cute! It's not fair. Hey, has anyone seen Ash?" Just then Ash stumbles into the kitchen with his mullet sticking up in every direction. He salutes us before downing a cup of straight coffee.

"Morning all, you ready for today?" We all groan and go our separate ways to get ready for the exam. I feel the familiar stone of dread seep into my stomach and nerves flutter, I hope I pass this exam. I feel Dean's lips on my temple again and I smile up at him.

"You're smart, Cas. You'll ace your exams and you'll get into college easily." He hugs me tightly and we make our way upstairs. We pass Kevin freaking out in the bathroom.

"Kevin, buddy, breathe. In and out, you'll do fine on the exam, don't worry." Dean assures Kevin and helps him calm down, holding my hand the whole time. Kevin calms down and smiles at Dean.

"What would I do without you, Winchester. Now you two need to get ready, and no panic attacks in the exam, okay?" We smile and nod, walking towards the front door.

"You do realise that this exam determines our entire future, right?" I babble.

"Cas, calm, okay? You stress and you'll have a panic attack then both of us will fail, okay?"

"Hold on, why would you fail?" I ask curiously. He rubs the back of his neck and blushes.

"Cause when you're scared I'll always calm you down, and when you're upset, it makes me upset." I kiss him, grateful for such an amazing boyfriend.

"I love you."

"I know."

"We're dorks, you realise that, right?'

"I blame you, Cas."

"Yeah right, closet nerd. You love me for it."

"Damn straight I love you, now lets go before we're late."


	19. Home, Sweet Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wake up to the sunlight filtering through my window and shining into my eyes. I groan and roll out of bed, landing on the floor in a heap. I rub my eyes and stand up, yawning. I glance at the bed and notice that Dean isn't in it, this was normal as he still had the habit of waking up early to make Sam's meals for the day.

** Deans POV **

Fumbling slightly and my breath hitching, I open the letter slowly, noticing Cas doing the same thing next to me. I gently pull out the paper and close my eyes when I see the one number that decides everything. I open my eyes and see Cas grinning at me, I grin back.

"WE PASSED, WOO HOO!" we both yell, dancing around each other and hugging excitedly. Sammy walks in with a surprised expression on his face, one that causes me to laugh all over again. He sighs and rips the paper from our hands, looking at the grades. His eyes sparkle and I smile fondly, anything that made him that happy, made me happy too.

"Cas got 95.4 and Dean got 88.9, oh my god you guys that's incredible!" He hugs us both, making us all sink into the couch slightly. I grin over his shoulder and survey the lounge room with happiness. It was small but it was homey, clean, neat and perfect for us, the apartment was the best decision I've ever made, except maybe Cas.

Sammy sits back and shoots me a grin, pride clear on his face. He leaves the room and I turn to Cas, smiling at the twinkle in his blue eyes. I stare at him for a minute before he grumbles and kisses me, making my body feel electrified, even after the past six months together I still felt this way when kissing him.

"I'm so proud of you, Dean. You did it! And your score is incredible, you could do anything!" He laughs and pulls me up for another round of dancing, in which we manage to knock over the T.V stand. I hear a knock on the door and walk over to it, elation filling my chest.

I open the door and see Charlie, Jo, Ash, and Kevin grinning at my door. I invite them in and we sprawl across the lounge room, Cas sitting on my lap. I idly play with his hair as we talk about our after school plans.

"I'm going straight to uni for a gaming course, I get to design computer games biyatches, beat that!" Charlie shouts, a smile splitting her face.

"I'm staying with mum for a bit before going to the navy and becoming a seal." Silence falls and Jo grins.

"I'm working on an apprenticeship for NASA if that makes anyone feel better." Ash says from the floor.

"I'm going to become a surgeon, that's what I've always wanted to be," Cas says with a smile, I hug him tighter and smile when he kisses my nose.

"I'm going into politics and on my way to becoming President," Kevin says while stuffing his face with Cheetos. I blush slightly and nuzzle into Cas' shoulder, everyone was doing such amazing things and then there's me.

"I'm just getting a degree in engineering," I mumble and Cas rests his head on my shoulder. We talk about the things we will and won't miss from school and soon the clock strikes five, which causes Jo to jump up.

"Crap, I've got a shift in fifteen. Bye guys, see ya later." We wave her out the door and soon everyone leaves, I hug Cas tightly and then walk into the kitchen, pulling out random ingredients from the shelves.

"I'm feeling creative tonight, what's the challenge, Cas." Cas grins at the game we started playing a while back. He would give me a list of ingredients and I had to make dinner out of them, it kept things interesting and Sammy loved to watch us bicker in the kitchen.

"Hmmm, chicken, lemon, potato and mushroom." He grins and I begin preparing dinner. Sammy walks in and smiles at us.

"What's for dinner, Dean?" They both turn to me expectantly and I smile, blinking back tears all of a sudden. This was nice, this was what I wanted, an apple pie life, with the people I loved talking to me, having an actual kitchen. I grin at the realisation that I had that now.

"Gentlemen, on the menu tonight is a lemon and cracked pepper chicken, with potato, mushroom, and roasted garlic mashed potato." They stare at me stunned and Cas just shakes his head and claps slowly. Sammy asks questions throughout dinner and I explain how to cook everything, another frequent of ours. Now that we had the ingredients, I could show Sammy how to cook properly.

We sit down around the table and Cas kisses me before we start eating. Man am I good, this tastes awesome. I hear a moan from Cas and Sammy and I start grinning.

"Jesus, Dean. When did you learn to cook like this? It's incredible." Sammy mumbles through a mouthful of food, I give him a look and he swallows his food before repeating the question.

"I'm nesting, I've always loved to cook, I just couldn't." We laugh and finish our meal, I say goodnight to Sammy and he goes to bed yawning. Cas yawns quietly and we head to my room, we crawl into bed and I whisper to Cas.

"You could, you know, move in if you wanted to. You practically live here already so, there's no pressure or anything but if you wanted to. I mean I would love you too, but it's your choice-" He cuts off my babbling by kissing me passionately.

"I would love to move in with you, Dean." I grin at him and hug him close, holding onto his warmth as we go to sleep. My arm is wrapped around his waist, effectively trapping him against me. I just want to hold onto these little moments forever, the things that make life feel so amazing when they happened, especially after the news I received today.

Smiling into Cas' hair I let the darkness of sleep consume my thoughts, effectively stopping my constant worrying for the other shoe to drop and my perfect life to be ripped away. I let my thoughts slide away and gratefully embrace sleep.

* * * *

_I feel her red nails rake down my back and pain radiates from where she's sitting._

_"Play with me, Dean. I'm bored." She whispers and I try to get away, knowing it isn't real, but it feels like I'm there again, completely at Abbadons mercy._

_"Come on, play with me, or I'll get big boy over here to play with you." I whimper and struggle causing her to laugh and stand up slowly, biting my lip as she does so. She moves away and the big demon walks forwards before morphing into my dad._

_"You failed Sammy, Dean. How could you let your own brother die?" He screams at me, pulling his hand back and slapping me. My heart stops for a second, Sammy? I feel the desperation seep into my bones as I scramble away and run into something hard. Looking up I see Cas, I cry out and race into his arms, but he pushes me back._

_My heart breaks at the look of his face, a look of disgust and mistrust. He looked sad and angry at the same time and I feebly pleaded with myself to wake up, to escape the looks from Cas and my dad._

_"Why did you let Sam die, Dean? I can't believe it, you know what? I never loved you, and now you're a murderer!" NO! Cas, please..._

I wake up in a cold sweat with my heart pounding in my chest, I slowly untangle myself from Cas and stumble to the kitchen, my stomach threatening to empty its contents. I shakily pour myself a glass of water and spill it on my chest, flinching at the cold as memories spill into my thoughts.

_Blood drips from my chest as I try to pull away, but Abbadon wasn't having any of that. She moves her hips and moans and I struggle away, tears threatening to spill. She moves away and I almost sob in relief, the absence of her causing me to relax slightly._

_Only to get flipped onto my stomach and to feel rough hands run over my back, pushing into the muscle and trailing down until they stop above my waistline._

I drop the glass into the sink and sprint to the bathroom, falling to the floor and reaching for the toilet as I gag. I grab the bowl and empty my stomach into it as sweat starts to bead on my forehead.

_His rough movements cause me to cry out in pain and whimper against the cold metal of the benches. He bites down on my shoulder and I scream in pain, just as he pushes too hard. The tears start falling and I cry out, for Cas, for Sammy, for anyone and everyone. I sob onto the metal and try to zone out of my situation, not wanting to understand, not wanting to know._

I start shaking and dry heave again, feeling repulsed and dirty. I hear a shuffle from the door and Cas walks in, rubbing his eyes. He yawns and looks at me sleepily and when he sees me clutching to the toilet and crying he rushes over.

"It's okay, it's gone. It's over, Dean, alright? I'm here, just breathe." I look into his eyes and try to lose myself in them, wanting to spend forever with him and just forget everything.

_They pull me up, but my mind is elsewhere._

_She leans in again, but I'm thinking of happy childhood memories._

_He strokes my face, but I'm thinking of the way Cas' eyes reflect the light._

"Snap out of it, Dean. It isn't real." I focus on his voice and shake my head slightly. Nausea passes and I lean into his warmth, sobbing into his shirt and feeling broken. Will I ever get over this?

** Cas' POV **

I hear a noise from the bathroom and stumble towards it, rubbing my eyes tiredly. I look around dazed until my eyes focus on Dean. He's pale, sweating and crying into the toilet, dry heaving and shaking.

I rush to his side and comfort him, something that we've both become rather good at. I've never seen him this bad before, though, he was throwing up from fear. He falls into my arms and I hug him, gently rocking back and forth while stroking his hair. He continues to cry and I put his arm around my shoulders before walking him to bed again.

"I'll be back in a minute, I'm just getting some water and a towel." He nods slowly and sits on the bed, his eyes red and puffy. I walk out of the room slowly, never taking my eyes off Dean and then I sprint to the kitchen to fill a glass and wet a towel. I walk back in and see that Dean hasn't moved at all, his shoulder were still slumped and his face was still streaked with tears.

I slowly walk forwards and hand him the glass of water, he smiles at me and reaches out with a shaking hand. He takes a small sip and I hand him the towel, furrowing my brow in concern. What did he dream this time?

He smiles gratefully, his breathing starting to even and I kneel in front of him. He lowers his eyes and I grab his chin, pulling his face up so he looks me in the eyes. I almost cry at the pain reflecting in his eyes but instead, I kiss him gently.

He rests his forehead on mine and breathes a sigh of relief, closing his eyes. I push him backwards lightly and he lays down, still shaking. I climb in next to him and turn the bedside light off, I shuffle around and place my arm around his waist.

The fabric of his shirt catches on my wrist and I end up pushing it up so I can wrap my arm around him properly. He would never admit that he needed someone to be there for him, but I knew without him telling me.

He grabs my hand and entwines our fingers together, he brings it to his lips and kisses the back of my hand.

"Thank you, Cas. I really mean it, I have no idea what I'd do without you." I smile and kiss his shoulder. He needed me and I needed him, I was grateful for our therapist because she helped Dean.

I squeeze his hand and close my eyes, drifting straight back to sleep.

* * * *

I wake up to the sunlight filtering through my window and shining into my eyes. I groan and roll out of bed, landing on the floor in a heap. I rub my eyes and stand up, yawning. I glance at the bed and notice that Dean isn't in it, this was normal as he still had the habit of waking up early to make Sam's meals for the day.

I shuffle into the kitchen with sleep clouding my mind and slouch into a chair. I sniff the air and smile when I smell bacon, I open my eyes and study Dean. He was wearing loose army pants and a grey shirt with no shoes. His smile is only small when he see's me and then he's back to cooking breakfast.

Whatever happened last night obviously shook him badly and now he was reserved. I concentrate and focus on his soul, squinting a little at the white light emanating from it, but the emotions it was portraying were fear, sadness, happiness and pride.

It's a very confusing concoction of feelings.

Dean turns and sighs, shaking his head. I focus back on his face and smile sheepishly, I always felt guilty checking in on him like that but he never told me what he was feeling.

"I'm fine, Cas. Don't worry about me."

"I'll always worry, especially when you still have nightmares that bad," I grunt out, my voice deep from sleep. I try to shake the fog clouding my mind but instead end up slightly dizzy. Dean smiles and gives me a small kiss before placing a plate of bacon and eggs in front of me.

I dig into my breakfast as we make plans to move my furniture into his apartment, the longer we talk the more excited I feel. We plan where my things are going to go and eventually decide to make this an entire day job, starting tomorrow.

I head back to our room to get dressed and hear Dean shout a quick goodbye to Sam and me as he goes to work, taking the extra second to tell me he loves me.

It's the little things like that, that make me love him so much.


	20. Talks With Bobby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had been through terrible times, and amazing times and no matter what, I had family. Friends.

** Dean's POV **

I walk into Bobby's Auto Repair Shop and sigh at the feel of the place, glad that I chose to keep this job rather than be a waiter at two diners. Everything in here usually relaxed me, the sound, the smell, even the people. But after my nightmare last night I felt on edge and fidgety.

"Bobby! I'm here!" I call out to the office before getting my toolbox out. I look up and laugh quietly as Bobby tries to unhook his overalls from the office door handle. He yanks on it and it flies off, sending him stumbling backwards before he huffs and straightens his shirt. He shakes his head and walks over to me, pulling me into a hug.

"Dean! How are ya boy?" He asks as he pulls away, I shrug and look down a bit. After the 'incident' Bobby became a second father to me, I can talk to him without having to express my emotions. But I can't hide anything from him either, he's become a second father to a lot of people and he can tell when something's wrong.

"What happened, Dean?" He lowers his voice and I look upwards, trying to avoid his gaze. Guilt trips in my chest and my nightmare returns, causing my breath to hitch. I can 't tell him, not right now anyway. I shake my head and he nods understandingly.

"Alright, well, in that case, I've got a beauty for ya today, 67 Red Corvet, got a problem with the brakes." I smile gratefully and salute him casually, he just laughs and walks off, leaving me to the car. I walk around the corner with my toolbox and whistle at the car, it's in perfect condition and the paintwork it awesome.

Not as good as baby of course.

I slide under the car and begin working, falling into the calm zone where the shouting from the other workers disappears. Where it becomes just me and the car, it takes my mind off my nightmare. I work on her brakes until they're perfect and then slide out, wiping the sweat from my brow with my hand and smearing grease across my face.

I walk towards the office and wave to Rufus as I pass him, he just gives me the finger. I wander into Bobby's office and he looks up at me. He points towards the chair in front of his desk and I sit silently, he's gonna ask what's wrong again and who am I kidding? Of course, I'll tell him.

He shuffles the papers on his desk and quickly scribbles something down before dropping them and rubbing his eyes. He sighs and looks at me, resting his head on his hands and leaning forward.

"Care to tell me now, boy? Don't give me that 'I'm fine' crap, cause I know your not. Now spill, we have no other cars today." I sigh and look down at my hands before mumbling under my breath.

"Dean, ya idgit, you need to talk to explain." I rub my face and scratch the back of my neck before clearing my throat.

"I had another nightmare last night and I freaked so much that I was sick." I softly say, he just nods, silent permission to continue talking.

"Then I woke Cas up and now he's worrying and when he worries, Sam worries. And then yesterday I got a call from my dad telling me he's gonna come visit and how he's now sober. How am I supposed to say no? He knows where I live and if I told him no, he'd break in and probably break Cas' neck!" I take a deep breath and groan.

"And Sammy's crushing on a girl and I don't know how to deal with _that_ and I'm back to working night shifts as well at The Roadhouse just to pay the bills again. I mean, I have to feed three people now! All the stress built up last night and then my nightmare was worse than usual and the therapy isn't helping anymore! What am I supposed to do?"

I hug myself tightly and felt a blush creep up after my confession. It wasn't meant to come out, it just did. I sigh and apologise quietly, guilty for dumping my problems of Bobby. He smiles and then runs his beard.

"Alright boy, the easiest problem first. Sammy's crush. Talk to me." I smile at him and he chuckles.

"There's this girl in his class, Jessica Moore, and he is absolutely smitten. He talks about her all hours of the day and tells me -in excruciating detail- everything they talked about and everything she does. What do I do? I'm used to flirting with people but I don't know what to do if you actually _like_ someone. What advice do I give him?"

Bobby laughs, a full-fledged, head thrown backwards laugh. His eyes screw shut and his shoulders shake and soon the contagious sound rubs off and I start laughing.

Hope bubbles in chest alongside relief and security, Bobby gave me exactly what I needed.

"Now boy, tell young Sam that all he has to do is keep talking to this girl of his and everything should follow. Just do what feels right for him, okay?" I smile and nod, that was reasonable advice.

"Alright, problem two, night shifts." I bite my lip and shrug.

"It's not that bad, I just have this _fear_ of people touching me and I have to lock it up to keep working in the diner because I need the money. Cas moved in and I have to pay for him now, the extra water, electricity and gas. Don't get me wrong, I love having him here, it's just hard because he's paying for college."

Bobby nods slowly and twiddles with the pen in his hand as I blush slightly. I hated dumping my problems on other people but Bobby might be able to help me fix them.

"Alright, here's what's gonna happen, I'll talk to Ellen about removing a few night shifts or putting you on a different duty, okay? Also, now's a good time as any to ask, would you like a promotion, Dean? You're the best mechanic here, soon you'll have the best qualifications, you'd be a perfect fit for the team."

I grin and instantly accept, that means a pay rise. I slouch in my chair and laugh softly, covering my face. Bobby smiles at me and gestures to move onto the next problem, I rub my eyes and sigh, The happy laughing mood vanishing.

"Come on ya idgit, don't leave me waiting. What's happening with your daddy?"

I groan and slouch down in my chair.

"He called me and said that he'd like to come over and catch up. Normally that would be great but I'm scared of what he'll think and he claims he's seeing a therapist. That's the only bit I believe, and that's cause the cops told me. So apparently he's sober and gonna try and make amends but I'm stressing over it."

Bobby nods and frowns at his desk a little, causing me to fidget in my chair.

"You just gotta take it step by step, and start by talking to Sam and Cas, okay? Then let your daddy over and keep things calm, start with happy stories and when you build a better relationship, then talk about the dark stuff."

He runs his hand through his beard and looks silently at me, his gaze calculating. I look down and nod but he doesn't stop staring.

I pull my sleeves nervously and run a hand along the grease stain on my forearm. Bobby sighs and his eyes turn sad.

"You're worrying me with the nightmare, though, boy. I know the news didn't say everything and you won't tell me but why are you still having nightmares about it?" He questions and I shiver involuntary, fear passing over my face. Bobby looks scared for a second and then he frowns again.

"Come on, Dean, was it really just a stress build up or something more? Family don't end with blood boy, you're like my son and I care about ya, so tell me what happened."

I bite my lip, debating and I decide that I should probably tell someone who won't make a big deal out of it. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, preparing to tell him what really happened a year ago.

* * * * *

Bobby leans back, his eyes wide and his face pale, I run a shaky hand through my hair and look down, ashamed.

"Why didn't you tell me, boy?" He asks, his voice wavering. "All this time, I never knew- never even considered. Dean, why didn't you tell anyone?" I laugh softly, the look of horror on his face etched into my mind.

"Because I didn't know how. My whole life I've locked every emotion away and now I don't know how to let people in. And I'm scared, Bobby, scared that everyone will leave me." I shrug lightly, pretending it's no big deal that no one knows.

Bobby just scoffs disbelievingly, the kind of noise that shows he doesn't know how to react so he resorts to laughter to ease the tension. He looks at me with a mixture of respect, disbelief and care, and that looks alone causes my breath to hitch.

"Ah, crap Bobby. I'm trying to not freak out about this every time I talk about it and you're not helping." I choke out, immediately resorting to sarcasm and insults to hide my feelings. I want to sink into the ground and disappear, just so I don't have to deal with the repercussions that came with telling Bobby. My heart thumped with the thought of Bobby leaving because he couldn't deal with my issues, I took a deep breath in, preparing to walk out when he spoke.

"I'm proud of you, boy." I froze, my breath catching in my throat.

It's been...forever since anyone has said that to me, someone that wasn't Cas or Sammy.

And I liked it.

A lot.

"I'm proud you got through that and can still smile. I'm proud you could tell me and I'm proud to know you and see your strength. Now I'm not one for that touchy feel self-help yoga crap, but boy, you are incredible."

He smiles and I quickly follow suit, trying to get my breathing and emotions under control. What he just told me, I've never heard before. Not even Cas has told me something like that and it made me wish for a better childhood. His smile lowers a little, and dread fills my veins.

"Alright, boy. Last two problems, your therapy and stress. Have you told your therapist that? And talked about it?"

I nod my head and then shake it, I have told her but I never talked about it. Every time I did I had a panic attack and so did Cas, so I avoided mentioning that day. Bobby just sighs.

"Let me see what I can do, kid. Other than that, get home! I know you have a surprise for that boy of yours, so go get it ready." I grin and jump up, excited for my plans and rush out the door, saluting Bobby before I leave.

As I walk out, I think about my life.

I had been through terrible times, and amazing times and no matter what, I had family. Friends.

Cas, Sammy, Bobby.

And they saved me, they saw behind my mask and didn't turn away.

And for that small favour, I owe them everything.


	21. Epilogue

** 11 Years Later (29 y/o) **

** Cas' POV **

I trudge through the front door and gently close it, trying not to wake up Dean. I put my bags on the kitchen table and massage my eyes, trying to rub the sleep out of them. Luckily that was my last night shift at the hospital for a month, groaning I shuffle into the lounge room quietly and freeze when I see the scene in front of me.

Candles covered the tables and the couch was pushed against the back wall, where it usually sat was covered with our mattress and lots of pillows. Dean was laying down and humming softly, his body covered in blankets and a basket on the other side of the bed.

"Dean...?" I breathe softly, causing him to jerk upright and cough, surprised. He stands up and walks over to me, the candlelight reflecting in his apple green eyes. He smiles slowly and kisses me, pulling my jacket off. He steps back and places my jacket over a chair before gently grabbing my hand.

I'm frozen still, overwhelmed by the beauty and care placed into the scene before me. Dean smiles again and gently pulls me onto the mattress where we sit close together.

"Hey, Cas." He whispers.

"This is beautiful, Dean. Thank you." I grin at him, keeping my voice hushed as if speaking any louder would ruin the moment.

"I was torn between taking you back to the forest where we had our first official date or making it a surprise. I decided to mix the two." At this, he opens the basket and pulls out a full meal. I cover my mouth with my hand and my heart swells, he did this for me.

"Wow, Dean, this is amazing."

"It's all because I love you, Cas." I smile and kiss him softly.

"I love you too, Dean."

** Dean's POV **

It was worth all the sneaking and staying up late, just to see the look on his face. I exhale shakily and fiddle with my clothes.

We eat the dinner I'd made while talking softly and listening to the radio. I bite my lip and smile at Cas again, loving the way his eyes light up when he talks. I grab his hand and kneel in front of him, he smiles vaguely and I grin. He has no idea.

God, I hope this goes well.

"Castiel Novak. From the day I met you, I knew we had a bond. Back then, it wasn't love, it was friendship. But since that fateful day you kissed me, it has grown into so much more. I love you so much, and you have become my anchor and my world. Although we've had our ups and downs and we've had break ups and make ups, we always came back to what felt right. We have fought many demons together, both figuratively and literally, and we have grown closer every day. My guardian angel, will you marry me?"

He cries quietly with a huge grin on his face, he just nods quickly, his voice failing him. I kiss him and pull him in for a hug. He sobs into my shoulder and starts talking.

"Heck yes, Dean. I love you so much, of course, I'll marry you."

We pull apart and grin at each other again, Elvis playing in the background.

"I love you, Cas."

"I love you too, Dean."

** 3 Years Later (32 y/o) **

** Deans POV **

We walk hand and hand into the grey building. My heart thumps wildly in anticipation and fear.

Cas smiles at me and I grin back. We walk through the door and shake hands with the lady at the front desk.

We talk for a while and finally sign the piece of paper.

Claire and Ben Winchester-Novak.

Our adopted children. I turn to Cas, tears of happiness in my eyes.

"We did it, Cas."

"We did indeed, Dean."

** 2 Years Later (34 y/o) **

** Cas' POV **

Claire and Ben race ahead of us, their chubby legs making it difficult to run straight.

Claire runs through the door and shrieks loudly.

"Unca Sam! Anty Jess! Eddie!" Sam laughs and picks her up, swinging her in circles before placing her in front of Eddie, Sam and Jess' three-year-old.

Dean squeezes my hand.

"I love you, Cas."

"I love you too, Dean."

** 14 Years Later (48 y/o) **

** Cas' POV **

"Daaaaad! I can tie my own tie you know, it's just a dance." Ben huffs, his black suit making him appear older than he was. I knew he could but watching him grow up so quickly and watching as he celebrated his 16th, it was hard not to feel sentimental.

"I know, Ben. But it was crooked." I grin and Ben smiles back, I hear heels behind me and Dean groaning.

"He's only agreeing cause he wants to impress his girlfriend." Claire taunts and I see why Dean groaned. She was in a skintight black dress and high heels, she looked gorgeous, but she would attract a lot of attention.

I look over to Dean and see the look of pride on his face, he sees my gaze and smiles warmly before walking over to me and wrapping an arm around my waist. We ignore the complaints from our kids as we kiss and rest on each other.

"We did good, Cas."

"We did, Dean"

** Years Later (83 y/o) **

** Third Person POV **

Smiling, an elderly Castiel softly grips the hands of his children. His chest wheezes with each breath and the machines keeping him alive beep sporadically. Claire sobs beside him and Ben quietly comforts her, but tears are falling from his eyes as well.

Cas' grandchildren had already said goodbye, without knowing it was the last time. It hurt him to know that, but it hurt more when Dean left him.

A year, he had only lasted a year longer than Dean.

Their children say their goodbyes and Cas cries when they break down.

"I love you, Dad. Thank you for everything." Claire cries, tears streaming down her face.

"Enjoy heaven with Papa, Dad. I love you." Cas smiles weakly at his kids and feels his eyes growing heavy.

"I'm so proud of you." His voice his hoarse as his eyes close, and the best memories replay in his mind. Deans proposal, adopting their kids, having a family lunch.

He remembers the troubles of high school.

He remembers the nightmares for years afterwards.

He remembers the occasional panic attacks throughout their whole lives.

He remembers Deans funeral.

He remembers Deans eyes.

He remembers his kids' graduations.

He remembers the birth of his grandkids.

He remembers everything.

And he smiles because it was a life well lived.

** Cas' POV **

I feel weightless for a second before I'm back in my old lounge room, the one Dean bought when we were 19. I laugh and freeze in surprise when it comes out rich with youth instead of the feeble wheeze it normally was.

I walk through our old house, my fingers trailing along the wall. I follow the Elvis song playing through our radio and almost faint when I reach the kitchen.

"Hey, Cas."

"Hello, Dean."

** The End **   
** (Wow this was a ride) **


End file.
